The 1 thing that will fast track you to becoming a next level communicator
Without a doubt, the one thing which fast tracked me to becoming a better communicator more than anything else, was the three years I spent as an apprentice under a world class communicator. I lived in his house, hopped on planes with him, carried his bags and peppered him with questions about why he framed the message a certain way, or used a specific approach. I didn’t care I was making less than twenty-thousand dollars a year, barely eking out an existence in one of the most expensive places to live. Just the opposite- every time I got paid, it felt as if I robbed a bank. Those three years, more than any class I took, or books I read, catapulted me to the next level as a speaker.
Want to grow as a communicator? Yeh, you need the right mentor, but you also need to be the right mentee, and that’s what I want to talk to you about in this post. The right mentor, combined with the right approach as an apprentice will guarantee explosive, transformational growth in your speaking. So what do I mean by having the right approach as an apprentice?
When my son came to me and said he wanted to be a preacher, I did two things. First, I got on the phone with some of the best communicators in America, and asked them to spend time with him. At the same time I gave my boy a handful of principles in how to engage these mentors, which would maximize his growth. I thought I’d share them with you:
Lead up. I got a call yesterday from a world class communicator who said my son came to his church over the weekend. After one of the services they got fifteen minutes together where my boy asked five questions. “He used his fifteen minutes well,” this speaker told me. I couldn’t help but smile, because this is exactly how I coached him: When you are fortunate to get time with an older, seasoned leader, you lead by asking well thought out questions. The worst thing, and I mean the worst, is to have a young person ask for my time and not come prepared with clear and precise questions. If you ask me for a meeting, you set the agenda. Lead up.
Be clear and confident. I tell my son when he asks for time with a leader never to say, “Hey, I’d love to get some time with you.” That’s too general and uninspiring. If you are fortunate to get them on the phone, or meet them face to face, you have about thirty seconds to move up the list of priorities, so be clear and confident. Instead of something general like wanting to get some time, say, “I admire the way you communicate, and I want to grow as a communicator. I’d love to ask you three to five questions about public speaking, can I buy you a cup of coffee?” Want to know what I’m thinking as a leader? First, this won’t take up too much of my time because they only have three to five questions. Secondly, this person is intentional and clear on what they want to ask. Finally, they have initiative, even volunteering to pay for my cup of coffee which won’t take long. That’s going to be hard for me as a leader to turn down.
Show up early. My kids will tell you I taught them an “annoying” proverb when they were coming up: To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is unacceptable. When they agree to the meeting, beat the older leader to the venue.
Take notes. So we finally sit down, and I am giving you my best stuff on communication…stuff people fly me around the country and pay me to teach, and you’re not taking notes? That communicates disinterest to me. Take your phone out, tell me you’re taking notes and now the message you are sending is one of active interest and engagement.
Pick up the bill. I don’t care how broke you are, if you initiated the meeting, the least you can do is to offer to pay for the bill. I’m old school that way, and so are many leaders who are older than you. We know you’re broke, and more times than not we will wave you off and say our version of, “I got it.” But at least slide your hand in your pocket, and reach for the bill with the other and act like you want to pay; it communicates respect.
Express gratitude. After the meeting send an email or write a thank you note expressing gratitude for the investment of time and wisdom. And if you really want to go the extra mile, tell the leader one thing you are going to try to implement right away. Remember, they didn’t have to meet with you, but they did.
Be a seasoned retail salesperson. Here I’m talking about a mentoring relationship where the leader invites you to travel with them, or hang as they are speaking at some conference. Don’t hover and inundate them with questions as they are at the event. Be a seasoned retail person. When I walk into a store (remember those?) to look for an item to purchase, a salesperson will greet me and ask if I need help. Typically I say no as I’m looking. What I want from them at this point is to be within eyesight in case I need something, but not crowding my personal space ready to pounce when I show the slightest interest in an article of clothing. The speaker you are in the green room or at the event with is either distracted by the talk they are about to give, or engaged in conversation, or may just want to be alone. Be within eyesight, don’t hover.
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Next level communicators never waste their pain.
Next level communicators never waste their pain.
Mark Twain is widely regarded as one of the greatest communicators to ever live. Through both his pen and his voice, Twain connected deeply with his audiences, and he often did so through his pain. Mark Twain truly suffered. His beloved wife died, leaving him a widower, and he outlived several of his children, along with surviving unspeakable betrayal from his closest friends. After all of these events, Twain wrote a short story called, A Horses’ Tale. One lady who read it, wrote Twain a letter in which she said, “You used to write so differently. The note of pathos, of tragedy, of helpless pain creeps in, now and more insistent. I fancy life must have taken on its more somber colors for you, and what you feel is reflected in what you write. You belong to all of us- we of America- and we all love you and are proud of you, but you make our hearts ache sometimes.” Twain wrote back to her that sometimes this is exactly what was needed- to wring people’s hearts to get them to think. Twain used all of the pain he had endured, and repurposed it for good.
At the core of communication is the ability to connect with our audience, and next level communicators often use the gift of pain to move people. They don’t waste their pain.
Comedians are masters at this. Richard Pryor kept his generation in stitches as he reached back to his childhood where he was raised in a brothel his grandmother owned, and his mother worked.
No one wrote more profoundly on the AIDS crisis than New York Times writer, Jeffrey Schmalz. His secret? Jeffrey wrote while he too suffered from AIDS.
And few could hold a crowd in their hands like the singer Billie Holiday. Her haunting voice drew from a well of trauma, as she endured childhood abuse, racism and sex trafficking.
And then there’s you and I. We’ve been through some things haven’t we? Miscarriages. Terminations. Rejection. Divorce. Infertility. Abuse. Bankruptcy. Cancer. Sickness. A kid who's off the rails, and blames us. I could go on. And while there are many unfortunate examples of people who have misused their pain to manipulate people, I want to encourage you to thoughtfully consider how you can, from time to time, use your pain to establish heart level, appropriate connections with your audience, all with the aim of inspiring them for transformation.
As we think through the delicate challenge of talking about our pain, please consider the following:
Pain is a communicator's currency, don’t spend it too fast. Sadly, I know of several communicators who just about every time they get up talk about the trauma that happened to them. And while I don’t want to make light of their pain, too much of this can be manipulation and dilute its power. Sometimes I listen to these kinds of speakers and think, “Does anything ever go right for you? Are all your days rainy?” Spend your pain wisely.
Protect others. Most of our pain involves other people. Someone has hurt or disappointed us. Or the wound was experienced by both myself and my spouse. Or maybe there’s a particular pain brought on by a child who is a part of the congregation you are speaking to. If you feel good about using the analogy, keep the focus on yourself, and how the event impacted you, and not your loved ones who are in your orbit. The reason for this is the freedom you feel to speak about this pain from the stage means you are obviously an open person. But if you mention others, they may not be as open about this pain as you are, and you’ve placed them in a tough spot.
Get pre-message feedback. Before you get up to give your talk, be sure to run the message by someone, and ask them their thoughts on the part where you are talking about who or what hurt you. The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there’s wisdom.
Be sure the pain is not fresh. As communicators we always want to be sure we’ve given enough time to heal and process from the pain before we speak about it, so we can do so from healed hearts and have as much clarity as we can. Now there is some in the moment pain which is okay to talk about- like the death of a loved one, or a health diagnosis. These kinds of pain, though they hurt, are different because they are not in the category of offense brought on by another person.
Don’t lose the big picture. This is huge. If you feel comfortable talking about your hurt, always be sure to connect it to the point in your message you are trying to make. If you don’t do this you might get a lot of sympathy, but you’ll also get a group of people who lost sight of the bigger picture, and you’ve just distracted them out of transformation, and made it all about you.
What I’m Reading:
The 1 thing next level communicators understand about their critics.
The 1 thing next level communicators understand about their critics.
Standing on a stage with a microphone, armed with information and emotion all in an attempt to persuade people is one of the most vulnerable things anyone can do. So of course we communicators can get in our feelings when the day after we speak there’s the email where the subject line says, “Yesterday’s Message,” and what follows is a lot of critique. And before we know it, we’ve hit “reply,” and begin to type out our defense, going on and on about how the person misunderstood, or why we are right and they are wrong.
Don’t do that, at least not yet. Little do they know it, your critic is actually helping you, and it has nothing to do with whether you were right or not.
In my thirty-five years of public speaking, nothing has helped me grow as a communicator more than my critics. I feel as if I am just now hitting my stride as a speaker, and I have post-sermon- Monday-morning-ornery-emails to thank. Seriously.
The classic mistake we communicators make when we get feedback we don’t like is to only hear what they disagreed about what we said, which misses the point altogether. Your critic is telling you what they like and don’t like, how they hear things and don’t hear things. And this information is priceless in our growth as speakers. Communication is anticipation. When I anticipate the biases, objections, likes and dislikes of my audience, I can now answer their questions and pushback before they even ask or pushback. And the only way I can get there is when I hear their feedback. Want to cut your future critique emails by at least half? Open up and read carefully the ones you get today.
I speak a lot about race relations, and there’s no other topic which gets people to typing their objections faster than the subject of race. Recently, I was asked to talk about racial unity at a large predominately white southern church. Towards the end of the sermon I told this story:
I’m one of two black men in my neighborhood, and on a cool morning, not long after moving in, I put on a hoodie and went on a prayer walk. Not long into my walk I noticed a white woman ahead of me, and just as I was about to pass her, without thinking of it, I removed my hoodie and went to the other side of the street so as not to frighten her. Now I did these things instinctively as a black man, without even thinking about it. In a flash, I had made assumptions about her. I assumed the sight of a large black man in “her” neighborhood would frighten her. I assumed she would think I had no business being there, and was up to some kind of mischief. The more I thought about my actions, the more unsettled I became. This was my neighborhood too, and I didn’t want to spend the next years of my life there walking on egg shells, trying to navigate what I assumed white people assumed about me. Things had to change. So, I started to show up to our monthly hangout times in the common area of our neighborhood. I actually got to know this woman who I had walked to the other side of the street so as not to scare her. She’s really cool. In fact, a few months later, while I was out for a walk, she saw me and came running down her driveway calling my name. She scared me! I stopped, and we talked.
This true story has proven to be effective, because it anticipates the audience's objections, surprises them and gives hope. And all of this was born out of years of critique where I got a Ph.D in what triggers people. I’ve learned to turn my critics into coaches and they have coached me well, helping me grow as a communicator.
Here’s a few lessons from this story that I hope will help you turn your critics into coaches:
Throw yourself under the bus. You’ve heard me say this before, and you’ll hear me say it many times again, but when we communicators posture ourselves as learners, it helps to both connect to the audience, and diffuse our critics. I hope what you got from the story is that me, the so-called “expert” on race, is trying to figure it out too. I have stereotypes I’m still trying to shake, and a lot of growth to do.
As often as you can, choose stories over statements. Remember, we can go back and forth when it comes to facts and our perceptions of them, what we can never do is argue experience. By framing race within a real story, the audience engagement is heightened, and their trigger points are lowered.
The more sensitive the subject, the more frequent the humor. After years of emails and feedback, and understanding trigger points, I’ve come to the conclusion that whenever I talk about a sensitive subject like race, humor, and a lot of it is a necessity. Every time I talk about the white woman running down her driveway screaming my name and how I, who once was worried I scared her, was now scared by her, the audience loses it, not only because it’s funny, but the story takes a turn and surprises them. If I can make my critics laugh and think deeply about their biases all at once, I’ve won them. Game over.
Let them draw their own conclusions. Sometimes as communicators we do too much hand holding with our audience. I don’t need to finger point every one in my audience. There’s no punch line to this story. I just tell it and let people figure out where they are. Are they like me, always assuming the worst in others? Or are they going to choose, like I later did, to come out of their biases and get to know people? I intentionally leave it open for them to figure out who and where they are in the story. And you should know Jesus did this so many times. Think of his story of the Prodigal son, where he talks about two brothers and their relationship with their dad. He doesn’t end by saying, “And which one are you?” He just tells the story, and creates enough tension and space for people to figure out who they are. I’m actually pretty amazed at how little hand holding Jesus did when he communicated.
Resources:
Hey, I just started listening to a podcast that’s really helping me as a communicator. It’s called, It Was Said, and it's by one of my favorite authors, Jon Meacham. Check it out.
I’m re-reading, Heaven, by Randy Alcorn.
And thanks for your support for my book, Grace to Overcome. It would be so helpful if you could leave a kind review on Amazon for me. Thanks again!
Next Level Communicators and Public Tragedies
Next Level Communicators and Public Tragedies
Note: This post in no way is about my position on the death of Charlie Kirk. Instead, my remarks are meant to help us as communicators responsibly steward strategic moments for the good of our hearers. I only use Charlie Kirk’s death as a current example of a tragic moment.
On the evening of April 4th, 1968, Robert Kennedy received the news of Martin Luther King’s assassination. Kennedy was on a plane headed to Indianapolis, just a few weeks into his bid to seize the Democratic nomination for President, and a few months from his own tragic death. Shaken by the news, Bobby scribbled some notes, and listened to his advisors caution him about security and political concerns. A few moments later he was standing on the back of a flatbed truck where- and this is hard to grasp in our social media age where everyone gets news instantaneously- he delivered the news of King’s killing to a shocked crowd. After a few moments, Kennedy said, “You can be filled with bitterness, with hatred, and a desire for revenge…tempted to be filled with hatred and distrust at the injustice of such an act against all white people. I can only say that I feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. It’s perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in. We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization…filled with hatred toward one another. What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love, and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.” And then, drawing on his own brother’s death, and the inauguration of 1960 which inspired so much hope among many in our nation, Bobby Kennedy finished, “When I think of all the things that have happened since that snowy inauguration day in January [1960], I like to think our role has been the one that is suggested in an old Greek saying: ‘To tame the savageness of man, make gentle the life of the world.’”
Like Bobby Kennedy, next level communicators will find themselves in the unenviable position of putting words to very tragic moments- like the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s assassination- in a way that comforts and points people forward. We won’t need to seek these events out; they have a way of finding us. So how do we as communicators steward these moments? I have found the following to be helpful:
1. Don’t craft in isolation. Bobby Kennedy found himself surrounded by advisors, and solicited their thoughts when MLK died, and in the same way we need to include trusted advisors around us as we are thinking through what to say. Proverbs 11:14 says, “…in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” I would specifically suggest gathering together a group of mature and diverse advisors who represent the different ways people will tend to hear what’s being said. The diversity should include class, gender and race.
2. Don’t shoot from the hip. I don’t care how experienced you are as a communicator, if ever there was a case for writing out and internalizing your careful words, it’s in these kinds of moments. You should be emotional, and your audience should feel this from you. But an abundance of emotions paired with a deficit of pre-planned words will almost always result in carelessness, offense and confusion. Think it through. Write it down. Commit to memory.
3. Be careful, not emotionless. Yes, I want you to be very careful and clear with your words, but not to the point where you come across as stoic. Tragedy should move us.
4. Lectures are for classes, not funerals. Remember the communication pyramid I’ve made mention of? Level 2 is facts, and level four is feeling. It’s never good to immediately meet people’s grief with an appeal to the facts. Standing on the back of the truck, Bobby Kennedy did not tell people to pause their judgments because they didn’t know the who or the why of the killer. No, his tone and demeanor was one which matched their grief.
5. Leverage silence. Next level communicators don’t fill the air with words, but understand one of their greatest tools is silence. For some of you that means calling people to prayer. For others who are in environments where prayer is frowned on, inviting people to a moment of silence and reflection also creates a space for lament and grief. It’s always good to provide these moments.
6. Stay in your lane. Our role as communicators is to primarily comfort, and then to provide some clarity for our people. Unless you are a politician, police officer or other kind of public servant, you should stay out of the policy lane. What this means is while we should talk with great feeling about the school shooting, those moments are not helped by a rant on what we think about gun control. And for many, when we venture out of the communicating comfort lane, and into the policy lane, we will fail at both.
7. Be courageous. Can I encourage you with something? No matter how much you do the previous six, you will disappoint people who felt as if you should have talked about policy, or lectured one particular side and their perceived shortcomings, or not talked about the tragedy at all. You may even email me complaining about something I said or didn’t say in this post. This is not for the faint of heart. Give both yourself, and the people who complain grace.
What I am reading:
The Very Good Gospel, Lisa Sharon Harper.
Next level communicators know how to get to the heart.
Next level communicators know how to get to the heart.
When you stand to speak, you should be thinking of three specific places you want to reach in the anatomy of your audience- their head, their hearts and their feet- in that order. As communicators we want to give them great content, stir their affections with the ultimate goal of moving them in a specific direction.
Today I want to talk to you about how to reach people’s affections…their hearts.
One of the marks of a truly great talk is people stop taking notes at the end. We should be encouraged as communicators when we look out and notice they have put down their devices and pens, and are locked in on what we are saying. If the bulk of the audience is still documenting your words as you are wrapping things up, you’ve captured their heads, just not their hearts, which means you won’t get to their feet.
The great twentieth century preacher, D.M. Lloyd-Jones said that notes are for lectures, and believed that the role of the speaker was to make knowledge come alive. One of the most effective communicators of our time, Tim Keller, believed Lloyd-Jones to be true. Keller writes, “I would say that it’s fine if listeners are taking notes in the first part of the sermon, but if they are doing so at the end, you are probably not reaching their affections” (Tim Keller, Preaching, page 165).
And then there’s Jesus. In the most well known sermon in human history- the Sermon on the Mount- notice the crowds reaction at the end: “And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes”- Matthew 7:28-29. The original language of these verses is Greek, and the Greek word for “astonished” is a deeply emotional word meaning to be so filled with amazement as to be overwhelmed. What’s being implied here is Jesus has not just filled their heads, he’s stirred their hearts. And this is what we should want as communicators every single time we speak.
So how do we move from lecturers to cardiologists as communicators? How do we make the leap from information to inspiration? I’ve found these principles to be helpful:
Moved people move people. Again, Keller is helpful: “If you want to preach to the heart, you need to preach from the heart. It’s got to be clear that your own heart has been reached by the truth of the text…What is required is that as you speak it becomes evident in all sorts of ways that you yourself have been humbled, wounded, healed, comforted, and exalted by the truths you are presenting, and that they have genuine power in your life” (Tim Keller, Preaching, page 166).
Use stories. We’ve talked plenty about the power of story, and the science behind why they connect so much with the human experience. In fact, right before Jesus’ audience expressed astonishment at his sermon on the mount, Jesus told a story of two people who had built homes on two different foundations. He used stories to move his audience. We should try to do the same.
Be authentic. The easy thing to do is to take this post and try to manufacture stirring people’s affections. This is the worst thing you can do because it will come across as manipulative and inauthentic. Instead, you need to be your authentic self. Remember, speaking is essentially connecting with your audience, and in order to maximize connection and authenticity you need to know your material so well you are able to unleash your true self, with your true emotions in ways which reach down from the head to the heart and into the feet.
Watch your pace. Pace is the rate at which we speak. Think of pace as the soundtrack to a movie, and when movies are scored, the pace is intentionally varied in ways which move us emotionally. Action scenes have fast paced music, while romantic scenes the music is slowed down, and sometimes there’s no music at all. When we are trying to authentically reach the hearts of our hearers, pace is critical. We may want to speed up, or slow down, but our pace for inspiration should be different from our pace for information.
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Next level communicators always tie their “shoe laces”.
Next level communicators always tie their “shoe laces”.
Every year a few people are born without certain ligaments in their bodies (2 out of 100,000). This is a condition known as agenesis, and is mainly seen in people who are missing knee ligaments. While not threatening, if untreated it will prevent a person from being able to sit or even walk. When it comes to the body, while our bones provide our structure, our ligaments are essential to us being able to function.
Today I want to talk to you about transitions. Think of them as the ligaments to our messages.
Most communicators focus their energy on the outline, or the skeletal system to their presentation. What so many neglect is to give careful thought to the ligaments or transitions to their messages. Structure without transitions will come across as awkward, out of place and robbing our presentations of clarity.
Think of it this way: A shoe without shoe laces. The shoe is the basic structure, while the shoe laces pull the structure together into one tight cohesive unit, allowing a person to walk and run in comfort. Without the shoe laces, the shoe is pretty much useless.
We’ve talked before about a basic structure to a message. In case you have forgotten, here’s the skeletal system I use for every talk I give:
Introduction
Felt Need
Body of the message:
Explanation
Illustration
Application
Conclusion
When I move from major point to major point, I always, and I mean always, use the shoe laces of transition to reach back to my previous point to tie into the next point. That’s what transitions do, they take what was just said and connect to what you are about to say. And the secret sauce of transitions- the reason why they are so effective- is when they are done well, they make the message feel more like a seamless narrative, instead of a didactic, point by point presentation.
Maybe this example will help. Recently, I was preaching on the Holy Spirit, and Paul’s command to the Ephesians to be “filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). My point was that the filling of the Spirit means to allow Him to control you. Key word is control. “When you think of control,” I said, “Think of a person who brings a designated driver with them to the bar or a party. At some point the person will become drunk, and the designated driver will hold out their hands, and in so many words will say, ‘Give me the keys.’ In essence, what they are saying is, ‘Give me control’. And they are not doing this to hurt or harm or manipulate you, just the opposite, they are doing it for your good. In the same way,” I said, “The Holy Spirit is saying to each one of us, ‘Give me the keys. Give me control of your tongue. Give me control of your attitude. Give me control of your finances. Give me control of your marriage. What is in your life that you have yet to give Him control?” Notice how I moved from illustration to application seamlessly, by using the transition, “In the same way the Holy Spirit is saying to each one of us.” There was no abrupt leap from illustration to application, just a smooth shift, through the use of transitions.
Here’s a few things I’ve found helpful when thinking through transitions:
Skeletons before ligaments. Build your outline first, and then think through transitions.
Study Comedians. Comedians are masters at transitions. I watch them all the time not just for a good laugh, but to see how they use their “shoe laces”. I would actually encourage you to watch a few of them solely from the vantage point of how they use transitions. Everything they do is geared around setting the audience up for the punchline.
Think 2 + 2. After I have my outline, I then write my message out, and what I always do is I think 2 + 2. What this means is that I will always use the last two sentences of my current point to serve as a bridge or transition into the first two sentences of my next point. In other words, as I’m writing the last two lines of explanation for a point, I’m thinking of the first two lines of my next paragraph which is the illustration. These “shoe laces” help me to tighten things between one point to the next in an intentional way.
What I’m Reading:
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Next level communicators always get to 5.
Next level communicators always get to 5.
Communication theorists tell us there are five levels of communication. Going from the most superficial to the most intimate they are:
Cliche
Facts
Opinions
Emotive
Transparency
When we say to someone, “Good morning,” or ask, “How are you doing,” that is cliche communication. It doesn’t mean it’s fake, but it’s more in the category of asking to be nice, or making a statement as a way of greeting. Facts are when we ask how many points a certain athlete scored, or what the weather will be today? Opinions are really popular in the GOAT debate between Michael Jordan and Lebron James, though I think that’s more in the category of fact! How in the world can anyone think Jordan isn’t the GOAT? I digress. The deepest levels of communication are emotive and transparency. Emotive is sharing how I feel, and transparency is sharing who I am.
Next level communicators always get to level five in their messages.
The difference between a good message and a great message all hinges on the question of transparency. Remember, our aim as communicators is to persuade…to move our audience in a certain direction, and if we try to do this without being authentic, genuine and transparent then we will come across as manipulative. The best way to persuade, the most potent weapon we have is transparency.
Before I give you some helpful tips about transparency, it’s important to understand that in a typical message you should hit all five levels of communication (or the “communication pyramid” as it's called). Think of a conversation you have with one of your closest friends, or your spouse after you’ve come back from a trip. You’ll begin with some greeting (cliche), move to what happened, what you liked or didn’t like or thought about the trip (facts and opinions). And since this is someone you feel safe with, you will express how you feel (emotive) and have moments of transparency. The communication pyramid is a significant indicator of the health of our relationships. Our most intimate friendships are those we get to levels four and five with. And our most effective talks are those where we get to levels four and five. We have to figure out a way to get to five, every time. So how do we do this?
I have found the following to be helpful in conveying a sense of authenticity to the audience:
Rehearse the message with loved ones. Newer communicators tend to struggle with being comfortable, and this is more than understandable. The problem is nerves can mask who we really are, and pose a barrier between the audience and our transparency. To get past this, go over your message with people you feel safe with. This will help bring out your authentic, transparent self.
Throw yourself under the bus, not your loved ones. Stages and microphones position us as experts, and tend to rob us of our humanity in the eyes of many in the audience. They give us superhero status, and it's easy for us to play the part, and this is a real problem when it comes to transparency. The way to work around this is to find strategic moments in the message where you say things like, “I struggle with this,” or, “I failed at this.” When we knock ourselves off the pedestal we lower the stage to ground level and communicate through our transparency that we are at one with our audience. But we’ve got to be careful to not do too much of this, or else we will rob ourselves of our influence. Remember, the audience is looking to us for answers.
Befriend the “ing”. Closely related to my previous point is this idea of befriending what I call the “ing”. Instead of saying things like, “I learned,” say, “I’m learning”. This communicates you are in process like everyone else, and helps to bring the audience along with you through your transparency.
Find your own voice. I know, I know. This is not something that happens overnight, but takes a while. All of us have been influenced by communicators we admire, and without even thinking about it we mimic their mannerisms. The sooner we can get out of this, the more we will be on the road to transparency. One of the most helpful things I can suggest to those of you who are in this phase is to stop watching and listening to this communicator. Listen to a lot of others, and over time you will find your voice, and become better positioned for transparency.
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Even in their shortest messages, next level communicators don’t talk too much
Even in their shortest messages, next level communicators don’t talk too much.
One of the mistakes new communicators make is they feel as if they have to fill every second of their messages with words, thus diluting the power of their presentation. The most effective speakers have learned to befriend silence, placing pauses at strategic moments to make their points stick.
And that’s what I want us to talk briefly about today- the importance of the well placed pause.
In 2019, Tiger Woods won the Masters. Hardly anyone thought he stood a chance when he stepped on the first tee at Augusta National. Tiger was coming off of years of debilitating injuries, along with the psychological toll of a much talked about scandal. For many, just making the cut at the year’s first major would be enough. But to win? No way. Well, he did. And when Tiger Woods sank his final putt, Jim Nantz and Nick Faldo, the broadcasters for the event, sat in silence for well over a minute, letting us viewers take it all in. And it was in this moment of pause, where many of us seated on our sofas (or standing and going crazy), wiped a tear from our eyes as Tiger embraced his mother and children, and walked off to the scorers tent as the crowd went nuts. Nantz and Faldo understood the power of the moment, and receded to the background behind a wall of silence. They knew we were witnessing history. As the saying goes, they understood there are times when, “silence is golden”.
The best broadcasters intuitively know there are moments when they have to let the moment do the talking, and not them.
And the best communicators intuitively know there are moments when they have to let the moment do the talking, and not them.
Even in their shortest messages, next level communicators don’t talk too much.
So as you prepare your messages, I want you to remember the following when it comes to pauses:
Be strategic. Pauses should never be random. That can be awkward. Instead, think of your most strategic points, make the point, and then underscore the point with a pause.
Pauses should be brief. I’ve chosen to use the word “pause,” and not “stop,” to communicate that our silence should not be more than 2-3 seconds. Any longer than that and we are back to awkward territory.
Be economical. Too many pauses, and you guessed it, we are back to being awkward. Every message should have at least one pause, and every message should have no more than three. Like money, spend your pauses wisely- on your most important point or points. You can also make a pause right before you give the punchline to a point or a joke or an illustration.
What I’m Reading:
The Cost of Ambition, Miroslav Volf.
Well, today’s the day. My book, Grace to Overcome is out! If you haven’t already, pick it up. It’s filled with stories and illustrations to help you communicate better.
Next level communicators know what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say.
Next level communicators know what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say.
The difference between a good message and a great message is what you leave out. Remember, simplicity is one of your best friends as you grow as a communicator. Be simple, not shallow. Less is always more. Why does this matter? Because the number one trait of an effective communicator is clarity. I know, I know. We want to persuade people. And you’re right. But we can’t persuade confused people. Clarity sets the table for persuasion.
So how do we get there?
When you put a talk together ask yourself, “What is the one thing I want the people to leave with?” Once you figure that out, then it needs to be framed in no more than ten words in a way that is memorable. I did this just the other day when I was giving a message on Revelation chapters 6-7. I don’t know how familiar you are with the bible, but this particular book is the most confusing, so I really felt the need to be clear if my message was going to stick. Here’s my one thing for this message:
Life will get hard. Jesus has conquered. Be faithful.
Nine words. Three truths. Simple. Not shallow. And these three phrases became my three points.
Once you have framed the one thing you want people to take from your message, you now have your north star, your guiding light for the talk. And the question you need to consistently ask as you build the talk is, “Does this ________ (analogy, point, explanation, illustration, etc) tie directly into the main idea of my talk?” If it doesn’t, it has to go. No questions asked. I know it’s a killer illustration, or a great point, or an awesome joke, you may be seen as funny or wise, but you will muddy the waters of your message and introduce a bunch of confusion, diluting the power of your presentation.
Remember:
What’s the one thing you want people to leave with, and frame it in a way that’s memorable using no more than ten words. Repeat this statement often during your talk.
Be disciplined. The rest of your presentation has to point directly to your one thing. If it doesn’t tie directly into it, leave it out.
Never forget the saying, “A mist in the pulpit is a fog in the pew,” meaning if there’s the slightest bit of doubt in our heads as communicators, there will be great confusion with our audience.
Front end feedback. I’m big on this. Don’t wait until after your talk to get feedback, get it on the front end. Write your talk out, give it to some people and ask if it’s clear.
What’s Next:
I’ve started writing content for a masterclass I’ll be shooting this fall to help you get better as a communicator, so stay tuned. And as always, Grace to Overcome, my new book, comes out 8/19.
Next level communicators work with words like carpenters work with wood.
Next level communicators work with words like carpenters work with wood.
I’ve been reading Ron Chernow’s biography on the life of Mark Twain, and while we are all familiar with his writings, I did not know how prolific of an oral communicator he was. Twain spent well over a decade traveling the world speaking to sold out auditoriums packed with people who hung on his every word. And why wouldn’t they? Mark Twain was a next level communicator who not only used humor masterfully (He was billed as a “humorist”), but crafted words and phrases like none other. It would not be an overstatement to say he was the greatest craftsman of words in his time, and easily in the top ten of all time.
Here’s a sampling of some of Mark Twain’s famous quotes:
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Travel is fatal to prejudice.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Be good and you will be lonesome.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Whether or not you agree with his aphorisms is beside the point. These statements (and so many more) grab us by the collar, focus our attention and resonate deeply with our experiences. What made Twain a next level communicator was his ability to identify with the human predicament and construct the perfect phrases to articulate what we are feeling.
It’s been said the reason why music speaks to us more powerfully than words is because music is more precise than words. Mark Twain’s use of the human language is the closest anyone has ever come to turning words into musical chords.
Want to be a next level communicator? Exhaust yourself in coming up with the right phrases.
This is advice I wish I would have known in my early days of communication as I was more committed to understanding content and outlining and manuscripting messages. Over the years I’ve slowly come to see a common denominator to the compliments I’ve received from people who have heard me- what grabbed them was a particular truth, a turn of the phrase, that resonated with their experience and was framed in just the precise way that made them pause.
Here’s a few examples of phrases that I’ve used to grab people, and please forgive me because they don’t rise to the level of Twain:
You know you are in a crisis when you have way more questions than answers.
Disappointment happens when your experiences fall short of your expectations.
The way you know you are a Christian is not that you don’t sin- we all sin- but you know you are a Christian when you struggle to sin.
Feelings make wonderful passengers and horrible drivers.
Integrity is the alignment of words with deeds.
Here are a few things to remember when you do the important work of word-smithing:
This should be done after you have put your message together.
Avoid coming up with more than 2-3 of these sticky statements. In our attempt to make our messages memorable, we try to make the whole thing memorable, then we will probably fail to make hardly anything memorable. Make sense?
Pick 2-3 of your most important points and then word smith around them. Ask yourself the question, “What do I want the audience to leave with? What’s the most important thing or things,” and work from there.
Be sure to repeat the sticky statements and pause for effect when you give them.
Two things as we wrap up:
Plans are in place for me to offer a masterclass on communication, along with some personalized coaching. Stay tuned for more details.
If you haven’t already, preorder my new book, Grace to Overcome, which is not only a devotional but one filled with stories to help you grow as a communicator. Drops August 19th.