The Five Stages of a Man’s Life

Somewhere around 2003, I heard a talk which was a real paradigm shifter for how I think about manhood. It could not have come at a better time in my life, as I was less than half a decade into marriage, and both a new father and church planter. Outside of the gospel of Jesus Christ, no single message has born greater fruit in my life than this one. And while the message can be applied to women as well, I’ll just give it to you the way I got it.

Here are the five stages:

Boyhood (Birth to somewhere around 11 or 12):

This is the only stage in a man’s life which has a clearly defined age range. Boyhood is marked by such things as innocence, imagination and adventure. Boyhood is also the stage where you are naturally being a consumer more than anything else. Someone is responsible for your care. Others feed you, shelter you, clothe you and the like. Very little is required of you by way of responsibility.

Adolescence:

This stage of manhood can simply be defined as wanting the privileges of adulthood without the responsibility. Adolescence is not so much an age range as it is a mindset. Because of this, some sociologists have suggested we are in an age of extended adolescence, which goes out to mid-thirties. The sure fire recipe for extended adolescence is coddling mothers and passive fathers. Some have even suggested adolescence is especially rampant in middle to upper-middle class homes. The clearest example of adolescent behavior are “men” who choose to cohabitate, where they can get the privileges of a committed relationship without the responsibilities (of course that’s not the driving reason for every instance).

Adulthood:

This stage can simply be defined as embracing responsibility. It’s at this point we can call this person not just a male, but a man. They don’t make excuses. Instead, they take responsibility. A man has emerged from adolescence when they take ownership for their lives, and others they have chosen to commit to (spouse, kids, etc). They do hard things like get a job, keep a job, pay bills and contribute to the well-being of others. Unlike boyhood, they are not marked by a consumers mindset, but a contributors mindset. They bring life to others.

Mentor:

Develop a track record of embracing responsibility faithfully, and other people will take notice, asking you to mentor them. Mentor, has its origins in Greek mythology where Odysseus was headed off to war and wanted someone to care for his son Telemachus. That duty was assigned to an older, wiser, responsible man named Mentor. Adolescents care about the now. Mentors care about the future. Adolescents can’t get past themselves. Mentors are focused on others. Mentors want to multiply themselves for the good of others and society. Show me a person who is too busy to have consistent cups of coffee and meals with younger men, and I will show you a person who has stagnated, if not regressed in their manhood journey.

 Patriarchs:

The final stage of a man’s life is that of patriarch. One does not become a patriarch because they have aged into it. Oh no. Society does not need more old people. We need patriarchs. A patriarch is a person who has leveraged the odometer of their life, to invest down in succeeding generations for a time they will not see. If you are 60+ you should be holding court at the local diner, with a long line of young men wanting to glean from your life.

The key:

Life is all about seasons (Ecclesiastes 3). The man who is aware of the season they are in is best positioned to make the most of it for the benefit of themselves and others. Men need awareness, intentionality and other men to make the most of this process. Every great man I have met has had another great man inspire them in their journey of manhood. That great man who inspired you was aware of their season and intentionally leveraged it for your benefit. Let’s pay it forward.