Sermon: Hope Dealers | Exodus 1:1-2:10
I’m not sure if you’ve read the book, Unbroken, but if you haven’t you have to- it’s in the top 10 best books I’ve ever read. The book is a true story which centers around a man by the name of Louis Zamperini. A track star who ran in the 1936 Olympics, Louis would go on to serve our country in WW2. In 1943, his plane crashed into the Pacific, killing 8 of the 11 crewmen. For 47 days, Louis and the two others were in a hopeless situation as they were stranded in the middle of the Pacific. Finally, they were picked up, not by Americans, but by the Japanese where the hopelessness continued. For the next two years, Louis spent time in a Japanese prison, being brutally tortured by his captors. When he was miraculously released, Louis emerged a shell of himself, and returned home where the hopelessness continued. Words like mental health and trauma and PTSD weren’t en vogue back then. So Louis coped the best way he knew how- by turning to alcohol, and even contemplating suicide. He just couldn’t see his way out of this darkness that seemed to have enveloped him. Hopelessness had gotten a hold of him.
Felt Need/Historical Context
Ever felt that way? Ever felt hopeless? The people of God did. In fact, that word hopeless is the perfect word to describe Israel as the curtains pull back on the scene of our passage. Scholars are quick to point out that Exodus chapter 1 spans a few centuries. We get a hint of that because Moses, the writer of Exodus says that when Israel got to Egypt they numbered 70 people, but if you keep reading you will notice how often words like, multiplied, fruitful and increased are used. The people of God are growing into an emerging nation, and this frightens the most powerful ruler in the world- Pharaoh.
And so fueled by his fear of this growing Israelite nation, Pharaoh unleashes a comprehensive plan to oppress and render them hopeless. We first see their physical hopelessness in verse 11, where it says that Pharaoh afflicted them with heavy burdens. Some of us know what this feels like. No, we may not know slavery, but some of us can relate to feeling hopelessness in our bodies. In a crowd this size, some of you have been diagnosed with depression. I remember getting diagnosed with this, and literally feeling like hopelessness had moved into my body. I remember taking my meds one morning and thinking to myself, “how long will I have to do this”? But not only that, we see that hopelessness can also be psychological. Moses, the writer of Exodus, points out at the end of verse 11, that Pharaoh had Israel build store cities, Pithom and Raamses. This is odd, isn’t it? Why not just say he had them build some cities, why mention the names? Because Moses wants us to see these names point to Egyptian gods. Pharaoh knows these Jews don’t worship his gods, so in a bit of gamesmanship, he decides to play with their minds, by having these Jews build cities dedicated to Egyptian gods. What a slap in the face. It’s important for us to see that hopelessness almost always lives in the mind. I’m a touch claustrophobic. I hate tight spaces. I just got stuck on a crowded elevator the other day and just about lost it. I don’t like small airplanes. What I battle with in these scenarios is the pervasive feeling in my mind that I cannot get out of the situation. When your mind can’t see a way out of things, it can wreak havoc on you. And that’s where some of you all are. You can’t see your way out of the debt. You can’t see your way out of the addiction. You can’t see your way out of the bad relationship. That’s hopelessness.
Pharaoh’s not done. He moves from physical hopelessness to psychological hopelessness, now to spiritual hopelessness. The Hebrew word for work is abad, and it has a wide range of meanings, one of which means to worship. Now, I believe that’s the idea here, because as we are going to see later on in our series, Moses is going to ask Pharaoh several times to let Israel go so that they may worship YHWH, and what’s the word for worship? The same word translated in our text as work. Pharaoh doesn’t just want Israel to build cities to his gods, he wants them to worship his gods. Spiritual hopelessness is the worst kind of hopelessness there is, because most people don’t feel it. But we are all spiritually hopeless, lost without our true Savior Jesus Christ. And this passage is going to show us how to get there. And, you guessed it, Pharaoh’s campaign of hopelessness is not done. Realizing his plan is not working he decides to legislate the mass murder of Hebrew male infants. When the midwives disobey him- more on that later- he commands that everyone get involved and throw the Hebrew male infants into the Nile River. Can you imagine the devastation, the utter darkness and hopelessness these Jewish parents feel. Talk about dark.
Hope and the Question of God
But it gets worse. Here’s my question, “Where’s God as all of this is happening?” It’s one thing to suffer, and it’s a completely different thing to suffer and not see God. Here’s the central idea of our passage, and it is this: While God’s name doesn’t appear until verse 17, God has been actively and quietly working behind the scenes since verse 1, setting the stage to rescue Israel. And this same God is actively and at times quietly working behind the scenes in each of our lives, even in the midst of hopeless situations, to accomplish his glory and our good.
I didn’t grow up in the hood. I grew up in the quiet suburbs just south of Atlanta. Now my mother grew up in the hood, in the projects to be exact, and that was a source of angst for her as she parented us, because mama was deathly concerned that she was raising soft and sheltered children. One morning over the summer she decided enough was enough. She told me and my sister to hop in her minivan, and she gave us each some money, dropped us off at MARTA- public transportation- and demanded we ride the bus. Now I was about 9, and my sister was like 5. So we board the bus and we are hugging each other for dear life and crying our suburban eyeballs out. Talk about a hopeless situation! But after a few stops, I looked out the back window and there’s mama a few cars back in the minivan following us. When we turned left, she turned left. When we stopped, she stopped. Once this registered, I stopped crying and all was well. I was still in an unfortunate situation, but knowing mother was in close proximity, watching me made all the difference in the world. I had hope. And this is exactly what’s happening in our passage. Israel thinks she’s by herself, but Moses is showing us that God is in “the minivan” right behind them! And that same God has not abandoned us. He’s closer than we think. We have hope.
If hopelessness is the problem, then hope is what we need, but what is hope? Hope is earth’s uncertainties tied to heaven’s reality. Hope is like a boat anchored at sea. There’s two realities: 1. The boat is being rocked up and down by the waves; 2. But that boat isn’t going anywhere because it’s anchored to something fixed. This is why the writer of Hebrews says, “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf”- Hebrews 6:19-20a. Oh friend, the reality of life is this world will toss you around, you will find yourself hopeless at times, but hope keeps us anchored in the only thing that can hold us together- Jesus Christ. Yes, but practically, what does this look like?
I can have hope because God is unwavering in his commitment to me- Exodus 1:1
The writer of Exodus begins the book by talking about the sons of Israel. Why does he say this? Because the name Israel represents God’s covenant with them. This is very intentional. To understand this you have to go back to Genesis 35:9-11: “God appeared to Jacob again, when he came from Paddan-aram, and blessed him. And God said to him, ‘Your name is Jacob; no longer shall your name be called Jacob, but Israel shall be your name.’ so he called his name Israel. And God said to him, ‘I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply. A nation and a company of nations shall come from you, and kings shall come from your own body.” Don’t you see? By calling them in Exodus, Israel, and by seeing them live out the promise of being fruitful and multiplying, what Moses wants us to see is even in the darkest times, God is unwavering in his commitment to them. And that same God is unwavering in his commitment to you and I, even in the most hopeless of times.
Some years ago my sister went through a nasty divorce, leaving her to wonder what would happen to her and her two children. In the middle of all that I’ll never forget a conversation I had with my dad, asking him what his plan was. Without hesitating he said, “Well, she’s under my covering, and we won’t let her fail.” I believe that’s what God is saying to Israel, “As dark as it is, you are children of Israel, tied to me, and I will not let you fail.” And for those of us who are in Christ, we are adopted into the family of God, where he is unwavering in his commitment to us. This is why Paul would write to the church in Rome, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord”- Romans 8:37-39. God is unwavering in his commitment to us.
I can have hope because God is unwavering in his commitment to himself
Now, if I stop right here you would be right to wonder if you are the center of what God is doing in the world. Exodus, and all of the Bible, helps us to see that you and I are not at the center, God is. Now I want us to zoom out and wrestle with a very practical question. You ready? God, if you knew all of this trouble and hopelessness was headed Israel’s way, why did you bring them to Egypt? Why submit them to all of this trouble. Let’s press this further. God, if you knew moving me here to RDU would end up with me losing my job, or losing that loved one, or going through all of the difficulties I’ve gone through, why move me here, or why allow me to experience that? In order to get at this answer we have to press fast forward. Not long after God rescues Israel and they pass through the Red Sea, Moses is having a chat with his father-in-law, Jethro, and notice what happens, “Jethro said, ‘Blessed be the LORD, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians and out of the hand of Pharaoh and has delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians. Now I know that the LORD is greater than all gods”- Exodus 18:10-11. A little while later, when they are in Jericho, notice what Rahab says, “For we heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt…And as soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there was no spirit left in any man because of you, for the LORD your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath”- Joshua 2:10-11. See what Jethro and Rahab are underscoring? The glory of God! The darker the hopelessness, the brighter the glory. Why does God allow us to go through hopeless times? For his glory!
I love watching people work a yo-yo. We’ve seen people do this, where they tie the string of their yo-yo to their fingers, and with a flick of their fingers the yo-yo will go down for a while then back up, down and up, down and up. Some are so skilled at this they can even do tricks like, “walk the dog,” which involves the yo-yo being down for a long time, only to be brought right back up. By the way, who here doesn’t feel like a yo-yo from time to time, where you are just down and down. Now let me ask you something. Who gets our glory when we are watching the yo-yo being worked? Not the yo-yo, but the one who is tied to the yo-yo. The point of Exodus is not to be wowed by Israel’s resiliency, but to be awed by Israel’s God, the one who holds Israel in his hands. And the point of our lives is not to say look at me and my strength, but to say look at the one who is holding me, even in the darkest and most hopeless of times. May we never forget the darker the hopelessness, the brighter God’s glory.
I can have hope when I’m walking in the fear of God- Exodus 1:17
Frustrated that his plans to suppress Israel are not working, Pharaoh legislates that the midwives kill all the Hebrew male infants. This doesn’t work either, as they resist. Pharaoh calls two of them in, and the text tells us in verse 17 that these two midwives fear God. Over and over again, the bible calls us to be people who fear God. A part of what that means is that God is to have unparalleled reverence and awe from our lives. When we truly fear God, all other fears roll back. “The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty lion, it chases all other fears before it”- Charles Spurgeon. “The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else”- Oswald Chambers. We see this with these two women. Because the fear of God was the operating mechanism of their hearts, they were more than fine with telling Pharaoh no. But I must also point out that to fear God does not mean to be scared of God. We avoid things we are scared of, which is exactly what Adam and Eve did in the garden when they sinned- they hid from God. Just the opposite, the fear of God is a relational term which nurtures intimacy in our walk with Christ. The psalmist says, “The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant”- Psalm 25:14.
Practically speaking, if hope is earth’s uncertainties tied to heaven’s reality, then the fear of God, which fosters our relationship with God, is the rope which connects the two. The fear of God, therefore, allows us to access two vital things we see in these midwives- hope and faith. Because they feared God, their hope was not in Pharaoh, but in God. And because they feared God, they took a leap of faith by disobeying Pharaoh in order to obey God.
The best way I can explain this to you is bungee jumping. To bungee jump you need faith and hope. Bungee jumping involves some sort of a rope or cord tied around you, and attached to something fixed. Now that cord tied to something fixed is the idea of hope. If there’s no hope- no cord tied to something fixed- you won’t take the leap of faith. And in the same way, you and I will never live lives of faith like these two women, until we are tethered securely to God, which is what the fear of God does. What this means is the fear of God pushes me to take sin seriously in my life. There’s no way I can walk in disobedience and fear God at the same time. Secondly, the fear of God means I am willing to part with anything and everything in my life that puts me at odds with God.
I can have hope because I have a deliverer- Exodus 2:1-10
Now Pastor JD and myself have started this series on the book of Exodus today because we want to draw your attention to the central theme of the book (and that of the Bible) which is rescue. And what’s blatantly clear in our passage today is Israel is in need of rescue- physically, psychologically, in their families, and most importantly spiritually. Notice the unconventional ways God is working to bring about their rescue. Pharaoh wants the male infants killed because he doesn’t see the female ones as a threat- he sees them as weak. So what does God do? He uses these “weak” women- like midwives, and Moses’ mother and sister and Pharaoh’s own daughter(!) to begin the process of rescue. And then when we come to chapter 2, we see an infant named Moses, being placed in the Nile, which was supposed to be the place of drowning, only to be the one who would be drawn out from the water and deliver his people. Don’t you see? God is using those whom Pharaoh looked down upon- women and a Hebrew male infant- to rescue Israel. And this is a theme all throughout the Bible, as God delights in using the least likely to rescue his people. He uses barren women like Sarah and Hannah, youngest sons and future adulterers like David, uneducated sounding Jews like the disciples, and a little baby named Jesus, who like Moses, was born during a time when the mass slaughter of Jewish male infants was legislated, to provide our hope-filled rescue.
Now notice one more thing with me. The Hebrew word for basket is found in the story of Noah (Genesis 6-8). You know what that word means? Ark. In the story of Noah, the whole world has been in rebellion, so God decides to destroy the world by a flood, and commands Noah to build an ark. By faith Noah builds and his family boards the ark and they are rescued. And in the same way, by faith, Moses’ mother builds this little ark, and Moses is rescued, so that he may rescue Israel. And for you and I, Jesus, the true and better Moses, sees us in our spiritual hopelessness, and is inviting you and I to be rescued by faith as we board the ark of his salvation.
Which leads me back to where we began. Remember we talked about Louis Zamperini? Well, I didn’t finish the story. We left off with him being hopeless, as he is giving himself to alcohol with his marriage and himself spiraling out of control. In such hopelessness, he hears of a guy named Billy Graham who is doing a crusade near his home in Los Angeles. Louis goes, hears the good news of Jesus Christ, walks the aisle and allows Christ to rescue him. Louis would experience a transformation that was stunning. Over time the darkness and bitterness left him. Sure enough the light and joy and hope seeped in. I don’t think Louis would have ever gone to hear the gospel if he didn’t first allow his hopelessness to drive him there. Friends do you feel spiritually hopeless? Let God rescue you today.
A Sextant for Dating | Genesis 24, Pt 2
Dating is more art than science; it can feel more like navigating an ocean than putting together a piece of furniture from Ikea (which for a directionally challenged person like me is still no easy task). Don’t I know it. Those first few weeks of dating for Korie and I were euphoric. There was a date night at the movies where we saw Titanic, air hockey at the Santa Monica Pier and long walks on Redondo Beach. And while I thought we were having the time of our lives, what I didn’t realize was Korie was also feeling overwhelmed. She ended up expressing that to me in a marathon phone conversation that went from 11pm-6am. She had just gotten saved, and immediately started to date a pastor and the pressure was just too much. So she broke up with me. I was crushed y'all…just crushed. But, even after breaking up with me, Korie kept calling to tell me all of the wonderful things the Lord was teaching her from Bible studies, to her time in her discipleship group. Now, please forgive me for being “Petty Roosevelt,” but if you break up with me, I really could care less what the Lord is teaching you! It was during this brief intermission in our relationship that we both realized the depths of feelings we had for one another, and so we ended up getting back together, and trying to make our way across the ocean of dating.Talk about a time of uncertainty.
Felt Need
I hold in my hand a sextant (need this prop), a navigational tool that allows you to use fixed things, like the horizon and sun to get your bearings. There are stories of people being lost at sea, and using this tool to lock in on fixed realities and being able to navigate the bumpy ocean waters. In many ways, this is what Pastor JD and I have been doing the last few weeks- giving you a biblical sextant, filled with principles drawn right from the Bible on dating. It’s important that we do this series because if you think about it, singleness is the only season every person will experience. In fact, right here in the Triangle, half of the adult population are single, which is roughly double what it was fifty years ago. What this means is if we are going to really engage our mission field effectively with the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have to have a clear compelling vision for what God glorifying singleness looks like, and since most singles will spend time dating, we need to equip and disciple our people with sound, fixed biblical principles for dating. As I said last week, we also want to encourage married couples to not check out on us. One reason is that dating should not just be something singles do, but should also be something we engage in regularly after we say, “I do.” And of course, who hasn’t made their share of mistakes in relationships? By applying these principles in relationships, we can set a new hope-filled trajectory for future relationships.
Involving Others- Genesis 24:60
As we begin, I want to double click on something Pastor JD pointed out in the first week of our series, and that is the need to not date in isolation, something our passage really models. Genesis 24 is the story of how God is multiplying his people- the nation of Israel- through the courtship of Isaac and Rebekah. And one of the things that should strike you is the sheer number of people involved in this whole process. This is not just Isaac and Rebekah, huddled off doing their own thing. No, there are a whole lot of people who are a part of the process. Consider these people who play a crucial role in their courtship: Abraham, Abraham’s servant, Laban (Rebekah’s brother), Bethuel (Rebekah’s father), Rebekah’s mother, Rebekah’s maiden. What’s more than clear is that Isaac and Rebekah do not date each other in isolation, but this whole thing unfolds in the midst of an engaged community of people.
Now what Genesis 24 is doing at this point is cutting against the grain of our culture of dating. The very word, date or dating, the way we use it today doesn’t appear in literature until the late 1800s, when our culture is going through a seismic shift where young people are leaving rural communities and their families en masse, and coming into the city. Now, away from family, they begin to arrange what they called “dates” for the purposes of a relationship. Previously, there was this thing called courting, where when a woman was around the age of 16, suitors came to her house, presented their cards, and sat in the parlor with the young woman and at least her mother where they would be interviewed. With a lot of input from the parents, the suitors were whittled down to one, and given permission to take the daughter out. So what I want you to see, is before this thing called dating, there was courting, and the fundamental difference was courting was communal, and dating became individual.
So what’s the point here, Bryan? Are you saying we need to end dating, and go back to courting? No. But I do think there’s extreme wisdom in taking a major tenet of courting found not just in American history, but also in the Bible, and that is making a commitment to invite others in the dating process. Why? Well, one, the bible says so: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety”- Proverbs 11:14. Listen, if you’ve ever bought a house, you know you don’t make that decision in isolation, but there are a whole lot of other people included. There’s the bank who is going to really scrutinize your finances and ask the question if you can afford this. There’s the inspector who will meticulously look the house up and down to see if this is a worthwhile investment. There’s the appraiser who will determine if the home is what it’s worth. There’s the legal realm who will be involved. Now if we include all of these people and more for something that will involve the next decade or so of our lives, how much more do we need to include others for something we will potentially say, “Till death do us part”? There’s just wisdom in including others. And the time to build that community is now.
The second reason you need to involve others is because you have contracted an illness. You sure have. Listen to what these Christian therapist’s say, “Being ‘in love,’ in the beginning of a relationship is an illness. It is treatable, but it is an illness nevertheless. The illness is the inability to see reality. For the very state of ‘being in love’ is a state of idealization, where the other person is not really viewed through the eyes of reality. He or she is mostly seen through the eyes of someone’s own wishes or fantasies…”- Dr’s. Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating. I’ve seen this happen many times. It amazes me how many people can have a PhD in other people’s relationships, but be at a Kindergarten level in their own. Why? Falling in love distorts reality, because our emotions overwhelm our ability to see straight. It’s at this point where we need to involve others to help navigate us through.
I Got You- Genesis 24:53
The final three points of the message I need you to hear them from the vantage point of me pressing fast forward in the dating relationship to the point where you are contemplating engagement and marriage. Now, when we read
Genesis 24, one of the things which should stop you in your tracks is what made Rebekah comfortable enough to leave her own family, and head out to a country she did not know, to marry a man she had not seen? Verse 53 answers that for us. Scholars tell us what’s going on here is Abraham’s servant isn’t just giving nice gifts, but these gifts are actually the bride price. No, this isn’t buying a woman, but the bride price was a cultural arrangement whereby the groom was communicating he could take care of the future bride. I’ll never forget, when I was in Bible college, I had a classmate who was an international student who was working like three jobs; it was crazy. I remember asking him why he was working so much, and he said it was because he was in love, and was planning to propose, but before he did so, her family required 10 cows as the bride price. I was like, “Do you have to get her a ring on top of that?” He said, “Yes. You American’s get off so easy.”
Men Need to Feel Significant
You know what the message of the bride price is? Three words: I GOT YOU. What these gifts do for Rebekah is it instills in her a confidence that this person can provide for her. It communicates, I got you. And in the same way, both men and women in the dating relationship need to be able to say in so many words, “I got you.” Yeh, but what exactly does that mean? Two things. Men have a core need to feel significant. Now, of course I am not saying women do not need to feel significant. Of course they do, but this tends to be more pronounced with men, and the bible underscores this, where over and over again in the NT women are told to respect their husbands. What this does is speak to a man’s basic wiring to feel significant. We all know Aretha Franklin’s hit song, “Respect,” but what you may not know is that a man, Otis Redding, actually wrote it. Pastor JD, in the first week of the series, pointed to this when he said that one of his favorite things about his wife Veronica is how she makes him feel, and no doubt a part of this has to do with feeling significant.
How does a woman practically do this? Well, one of the ways is by speaking what Dr. Gary Chapman calls our love language. Many of you know this, but there are five love languages: 1. Words of Affirmation; 2. Quality Time; 3. Physical Touch; 4. Gifts; 5. Acts of Service. Now of course this is a two way street, where both men and women need to speak each other’s love language, but when a woman speaks her man’s love language it makes him feel significant, and says, “I got you.” My love language is words of affirmation. Pair that with me being introvert it pretty much means tell me how great I am and leave me alone! Just kidding. But I tell Korie, “I don’t care how many compliments I may get from other people, their words don’t carry a fraction of the weight your words do.” When my wife takes the time to speak my love language it touches on my core need to feel significant.
Women Need to Feel Secure
While a man’s core need is to feel significant, women have a driving need to feel secure (And in the same way we are not saying men don’t need to feel secure). This is why SUV’s have historically been marketed towards women, why the average woman when she envisions her husband thinks of someone taller and stronger than her. It’s also why for many women, the financial dimension is really important. When Rebekah receives these gifts, they are tapping in on her core need to feel secure. These gifts in so many words are Isaac’s way of saying, “I got you.”
Now it’s at this point where some of you may be saying, “Wait a minute Bryan, are you telling me I need to be financially wealthy to get married?” Not at all. In fact, when Korie and I were dating, I was making 18k a year with no benefits in Los Angeles! I used to pray that Korie wouldn’t order certain things from the menu! I was broke. So how in the world was I able to speak to Korie’s driving need to feel secure? I asked her this a few years ago. Korie said that while she knew I didn’t have money, she saw two things which spoke to her need for security: Direction and Drive. She said, “Bryan, I saw that you knew where you were going in life. You had a plan, and not only did you have a plan but you also had a drive, a strong work ethic.” Korie saw me going to grad school, burning the midnight oil, working hard at what God called me to do. And those two things communicated to her, “I got you.” So men, I want to say this pretty clearly: If you don’t have a general sense of direction, and the drive, then you need to press pause on dating seriously. No, I”m not making an argument for single income households where the guy works outside the home and the woman doesn’t, but men you should have a sense of direction and drive to your life.
I’m Leaving- Genesis 24:58-59
Now remember, we are pressing fast forward in the dating process on these last three points. They are for people headed into marriage. Look at what Rebekah does in verses 58-59. She throws up the deuces and says, “I’m leaving,” to her family. This is completely in keeping with Genesis 2, when God says to the first marriage, and therefore to all marriages, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”- Genesis 2:24. See the principle of leaving? What Genesis 2:24 and Rebekah’s leaving her family communicates is a universal principle to all marriages and that is in marriage, the husband/wife relationship is the primary relationship over every other human relationship. It’s primary over the children. I remember once I bought something really nice for Korie and one of my kids asked why I didn’t buy them something that nice? I simply said, “Because I don’t love you as much as I love your mother. Your mother was here before you got here, and she will be here once you leave…at 18…never ever to return!” LOL. A bit overstated, but you get the point. And leaving also communicates that the husband/wife dynamic is more important than our own parents. You can’t be a mama’s boy and have a great marriage at the same time. And you can’t be a daddy’s girl in the sense of relating to your dad as if he’s the most important man in your life and have a great marriage at the same time.
TABLE VISUAL. Now I know what I just said is very hard, so let’s spend some time to flesh this out, and I really need you to grasp this because if you do it will really set the trajectory for an amazing relationship with your parents and in-law’s once you get married. Some psychologists use the visual of a dinner table to describe this point of leaving. Before this man or woman came into your life, your parents were not just at the table of your life, but were seated at the head of the table as authority figures. Once you get married, two things have to happen. First, your parents and your spouse’s parents must get demoted. They are no longer seated at the head of the table. Wife, your dad is no longer the number one man in your life, your husband is. Husband, your mama is no longer the number one woman in your life, your wife is. So they have to get out of their seats, which leads me to my second point: We still want and need them at the table. We want a relationship with them. We want their input, wisdom and involvement. We just need them in different seats. Now I wish I could tell you this is a one and done movement, but it’s not. It’ll take several years with several hard conversations where you need to both communicate your desire for them to be at the table, but also that they are in different seats…
I Love You- Genesis 24:67
Finally, our passage ends with love. Again, these final points are in the advanced stage of dating. Look at verse 67. Here the text says that Isaac loved her, and this is the last thing you must be prepared to both do and say if this relationship is going to be one that lasts a lifetime- I love you. Those words are weighty words which communicate way more than what our culture would tell you they do. These words are not just a feeling, but biblically speaking point to a sacrificial commitment. Paul would say it this way: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends”- I Corinthians 13:4-8a. Did you notice in all of those descriptions of love, not one is a feeling? Now of course love, at times, contains feelings, but biblically speaking, agape love is a sacrificial commitment that seeks the absolute best in the object loved.
Let’s press this a bit further. Paul describes love as patient. One pastor describes patience as the decision to move at someone else’s pace instead of pressuring them to move at yours. What this means is that in the course of a relationship you are going to see things in the other person you want fixed, patterns you want changed, and it won’t happen right away. Sometimes it will take years. And love means I’m patient. Not only that, but Paul says love is kind. You know what kindness is? It’s love’s response to weakness. You really see kindness contrasted with something that is unpleasant. Here’s the point: When the bible speaks of love being patient and kind it assumes that in the context of a relationship we will see each other at our worst, yet love kicks in and says, I’m still with you. I’m often asked the question, “How long should I date before I decide to get engaged?” My answer is always the same, “Date long enough to see the mess. Date long enough to have a good fight, because you want to be able to discern if there is enough commitment there to deal with the weaknesses in others and vice versa (by the way, there are plenty of deal breakers in relationships that you would be wise to end things over.).”
Some years ago a woman got into a horrific car accident that damaged her face. As the doctors were performing surgery they struck a nerve around her mouth that caused her mouth to twist badly. A few days later when the bandages came off, the woman was horrified at what she saw, and she immediately wondered how her husband would react. Later on that day when he saw her for the first time he came over to her, stroked her head and bent down to kiss her twisted mouth. But in order to do this he had to twist his mouth to hers. After the kiss he told her he loved her. This is love friends- seeing the twisted parts in each other and embracing one another.
And this is what Christ did for us on the cross. How do I know Christ loves me? Because he sees the absolute worst in us. He sees our immorality, our rebellion, our prideful self-righteousness. He sees how sin has twisted the image of God in our lives, and yet the bible says that, “God demonstrated his love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The hymn writer, Charles Wesley was so amazed by the love of Christ he wrote: And can it be that I should gain
An int'rest in the Savior's blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, should die for me?