The 1 Thing Next Level Communicators Do When They Make Mistakes

The 1 Thing Next Level Communicators Do When They Make Mistakes

Any athlete who plays for a prolonged period of time will have injuries. And any communicator who speaks consistently will make mistakes…not singular, but plural. What injuries are to athletes, mistakes are to communicators. 

I was just asked about my most embarrassing moments as a speaker by a young communicator. His question was prompted by a “hiccup” that went viral from a preacher not too long ago. I answered this young man with something like, “Thank goodness when I was just starting out they didn’t have YouTube, and the internet was not as popular, because all my major blunders are on cassette tapes and CD’s.” Then a few days later I made one of the biggest blunders in my thirty-five years of public speaking.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

I’m guessing you want to know. Okay, here goes. I was speaking at a church of about fifteen thousand. And everything is clicking. The people are into it. I’m into it. I’m feeling a little perspiration across my forehead, which is always a good thing. And then, at the height of emotion, I read this verse from the Bible, “This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have good…”

If you grew up in the church, you know what comes next since this is one of the more popular sections of Scripture: “Success”. Well, with great passion I say, “SEX,” as in, “...for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have GOOD SEX”.

Oh boy.

The audience went wild. 

And no, I won’t tell you the name of the church. And even if I did, I made sure they didn’t post it online. So don’t even try.

Okay, so now that I’ve established I’m shoulder to shoulder with you in the major- mistake-as-a-communicator-department, what in the world do we do when these sorts of things happen? We own it, that’s what we do.

What does it look like to own our mistakes when, not if, they inevitably happen? Let me offer the following:

1. Address it immediately. When I had my blunder, there was a split second where I went into self-talk, that went something like this, “Do I act like it didn’t happen, and just keep going? No. I have to stop the message and address this…now.” The reason I made that decision had everything to do with the audience's reaction. The laughter was just too next level, too wide spread for me to act like it didn’t happen. And this goes the other way as well. Sometimes our mistakes are no laughing matter, and the audience will let us know as well. Their peculiar silence will cue us to the fact that something just went wrong. When I was telling my wife what I did, after she finished laughing hysterically, she said, “Please tell me you didn’t just move past this, but actually called attention to it?” She was relieved when I told her I did address it.

2. Respond the way the audience responds. Now I know we as communicators will not always be afforded the privilege of knowing in the moment when we’ve screwed up (more on that later), but in those times that we do, we need to let our audience be our guide as to how we respond. In my case, the audience's laughter at my “GOOD SEX” comment signaled that it was appropriate for me to begin laughing, which I did. In laughter I said, “I can’t believe I just said that,” and then riffed appropriately. After about forty-five seconds of being off script, it was okay for me to move on. On the other hand, if your mistake is no laughing matter, then neither should you laugh. Adjust your tone and demeanor to match the mistake. 

3. Apologize Appropriately. Whether you catch it in the moment, or after the fact, I want to encourage you to apologize appropriately. First, an acceptable apology takes ownership: “I’m sorry, I…”. Not, “I’m sorry you took it that way,” followed by a list of excuses. Second, an acceptable apology names the offense specifically. And finally, a real apology makes the big ask, “Will you forgive me.” 

4. Invite others in. When you don’t catch the mistake, sometimes you will know by the gravity of it that you need to circle back the next week (i.e., if you are a pastor), or send out some sort of communication to make amends. But sometimes you don’t really know. In this case pay attention to your email inbox, and solicit at least a dozen opinions from people of various generations, and cultures who were in the audience. Let that be your guide.

5. Press delete. For sure, literally. Have the production people get rid of it before it goes online. But also, figuratively. They say in golf that no matter how good or bad your last shot was, you’ve got to move onto the next one.

And for the record, I only got one text from this audience about my blunder. I did get plenty of feedback on how encouraged they were by the message. Now, how exactly my message encouraged their marriages, I’m not sure? LOL.

Hey, I’ve got a new book coming out that I think you as a communicator should buy. Why? Because it’s thirty-one of the best stories I’ve come across. These stories will help you as a communicator. My new book is called, Grace to Overcome, and it comes out in August. You can preorder here. 

Next level communicators use Post-it notes on their audiences' brains.

Next level communicators use Post-it notes on their audiences' brains.

Let me explain…

In February of 2009, the billionaire founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, took to the stage and addressed some of the biggest leaders in the tech industry. Not long into his talk he announced that Malaria is spread by mosquitoes. Hardly new information, right? What he did next would go down in history as one of the most attention grabbing things a speaker has ever done. Gates pulled out a jar filled with mosquitoes, told his listeners he was going to let them loose, because as everyone knows, he said, only poor people get malaria. Seeing he had the auditorium locked in, he said he was just kidding, and besides, the mosquitoes were malaria free. Gates would go on to give an empathetic talk on how millions of people die every year from the disease, and what we could do about it. 

This was a moment people would never forget. Communication experts would call this the moment where Bill Gates hooked his audience. Neuroscientist’s refer to what Gates did as an “emotionally charged” event. And if we are trying to persuade our audience to do something, then we as communicators have to figure out ways to create these emotionally charged moments in our talks. 

The science behind emotionally charged moments

Meet John Medina, a molecular scientist and an expert on the effects of emotionally charged events on the brain. He says, “An emotionally charged event is the best-processed kind of external stimulus ever measured. Emotionally charged events persist longer in our memories and are recalled with greater accuracy than neutral memories. The amygdala is chock-full of the neurotransmitter dopamine, and it uses dopamine the way an office assistant uses Post-it notes…Because dopamine greatly aids memory and information processing, you could say the Post-it note reads, ‘Remember This!’” (John Medina, Brain Rules, page 80). 

Real heady stuff I know (pun intended), so let’s bring it down a notch. Some of us can tell you exactly where we were when the planes hit the World Trade Center towers on 9/11. My parents talk in detail about what they were doing when they heard the news of Dr. King’s assassination. My grandparents could talk vividly about where they were and how they were feeling when they heard Pearl Harbor was bombed. And all of us as parents can remember with great clarity the events of our children being born. Why do we remember these things, and struggle to recall others? Because all of the moments I just shared with you are what John Medina calls “emotionally charged” events; and when they happened a Post-it note was stuck to our brains. 

Yeh but how?

I have found the following categories to be helpful in creating emotionally charged moments so that our audiences can connect to our talks:

1. Sticky statements. President John Kennedy once proclaimed we will put a man on the moon. Stewart Brand made a bold prediction in his talk that, “We will get wooly mammoths back.” And I once said in a message, “The church doesn’t need old people”. I let that hang a bit, created a sense of panic, and then finished by saying, “But we do need patriarch’s and matriarch’s.” Wordsmith the right statement, so that it elicits some kind of feeling, and you’re on your way to slapping a Post-it note on the listener's brains.

2. Compelling images. In 1996, a black woman by the name of Keshia Thomas used her body to shield a member of the KKK, as a mob was gathering to harm him. I gave a talk on forgiveness, and how the blood of Christ covers us. I then set up the image, and at just the right moment had the audience look at it. “Quiet” doesn’t even begin to describe the room. It was an emotionally charged event, helping to persuade the audience. 

3. Personal stories. In a previous post we talked about the science of stories and their effect on the brain. Nothing like a compelling, well told story.

4. Props. The right prop can provoke humor, or deep contemplation and most importantly both. Props may not be your thing, but great communicators never forget the various learning styles in the room, and they work hard to connect to as many of them as possible.

What I am reading

Why We Love Football, Joe Posnanski

Help is Here: Finding Fresh Strength and Purpose in the Power of the Holy Spirit, Max Lucado

Next level communicators have figured out the way to activate the “save button” in their audience’s brain.

Next level communicators have figured out the way to activate the “save button” in their audience’s brain.

Is this a safe place for me? I hope so. Okay, here’s my confession: My all time favorite movie is Titanic. I saw it eight times in the movie theater. It was my second date with Korie- the woman I’m now married to. I stood in line at midnight at the Tower Records in Pasadena so I could buy it on VHS. I can’t see you, but I’m feeling a little judged right now. And if you are judging me, keep in mind that it’s estimated some two hundred and eleven million people in the United States have seen the movie at some point in their lives. 

So here’s my question: How in the world did James Cameron (the movie’s director) take an old, really familiar historical tragedy and turn it into one of the most successful box office hits of all time? Simple. Cameron used the art of novelty to hook us. 

Novelty has to do with unveiling information that is either completely new to the audience, offers a fresh way to solve an old problem or is simply presented or packaged differently. In James Cameron’s case he chose the latter. His elevator speech when he was trying to sell Titanic was he wanted to create Romeo and Juliet on a boat (Jack and Rose). It was through this love story that Cameron presented to us the tensions of class and the Edwardian period during this time. He didn’t just present these real forces, he repackaged them in the form of a romance. In addition to this love story, James talked the studio into paying for an expedition several miles below sea so he could film the actual wreckage of the Titanic, and show it to audiences in the opening scenes, where for many (myself included) this was their first time seeing the sunken ship. And the result of this fresh packaging was that the movie grossed over two billion dollars worldwide.

Want to hook your audience? Use novelty.

The Science Behind Novelty

When we see or learn something new, or have an old truth presented to us in fresh ways, it releases a chemical in our brains called dopamine. Dopamine is what we experience in a new romantic relationship, or when we get to the next level of a video game. It’s also what leads people down the road of drug addiction. Dopamine has also been called our brain’s “save button”. Martha Burns, assistant professor at Northwestern University says this about dopamine and learning, “A big part of the answer to why some of your students hold onto the information you teach and others do not has to do with a little chemical in the brain that has to be present for a child (or an adult) to retain information. That chemical is called ‘dopamine’...I like to refer to dopamine as the ‘save button’ in the brain. When dopamine is present during an event or experience, we remember it; when it is absent, nothing seems to stick” (Talk Like Ted, Carmine Gallo, page 116). 

I think you see the point. If we want our presentations to stick, we have to trigger dopamine. And the way to unleash this chemical is to either present new information, or familiar content in fresh ways. 

I have found the following to be helpful in triggering the audience’s “save button”:

1. Use vivid illustrations. 

2. Use physical props to underscore the main points of your message.

3. Carefully wordsmith the big idea of your talk.

4. Employ humor.

I’m coming out with a book of stories in August that will help you in your communication. You can preorder the book here.

What I’m reading:

Framed: Astonishing True Stories of Wrongful Convictions, John Grisham and Jim McCloskey. 

Next level communicators use “cheat codes” in every presentation.

Next level communicators use “cheat codes” in every presentation.

Note: If you are unable to see the colors visit this link here

In last week’s post we talked about how public speaking is one of the most unnatural things we can do. There’s so much distracting us from our authentic selves, but the best communicators work really hard to make it look easy. Today, I want to share with you a cheat code I use in every message which helps to unleash my authentic self.

You’re looking at my message notes from a recent talk I gave at our church. I know it’s a lot to take in with all of the different colors, underlinings, and personal notes. While I don’t share this with you in the hopes that you mimic my system, I do want to walk you through my system so you can see how this frees me to be my most true and best self on stage.

What’s up with all the colors?

1. The opening text is the passage of Scripture I’m teaching on.

2. Below the text you will see my personal notes.

3. In the text of Scripture you see the colors red, blue and green.

4. Red is my cue that this is the first verse that comes up in my presentation. I choose red first because when I think of America’s colors it’s always red, white and blue, with red being first. Green is always the second verse or verses which appear in my presentation. And blue is the last verse or verses which are in my talk.

5. These colors are important because when it’s time for me to go to my notes, I don’t have to search for where I am in the text. The color’s leap out at me and help to simplify things.

6. In my notes you will see a lot of yellow. So what does this mean? When something is in yellow it’s a reminder to me that the same exact text will be on the screen for the audience to see. This is a really important cheat code I’ve had to learn the hard way to incorporate: Never wait on the production people to put your message notes on the screen. You could be waiting a long time. Have them with you. Also, when something is in yellow, it’s a reminder for me to say, “Look with me on the screen.”

7. There’s a few places in my notes where you will see regular, unhighlighted text after the yellow. What’s up with that? It is a reminder for what comes immediately after what’s on the screen in my presentation. This just helps to jog the memory.

8. Any text that’s bold, underlined and highlighted yellow reminds me that those are the major points in my outline.

9. The regular bold and underlined in the text represent verses I need to reference, but aren’t really a major part of the presentation. 

I know it’s a lot to take in, and may not make much sense to you, but that’s kind of the point, right? Utilize a system which works for you, so that you can be as comfortable as possible on stage. 

The Lord said to Moses, “Cut for yourself two tablets of stone like the first, and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. 2 Be ready by the morning, and come up in the morning to Mount Sinai, and present yourself there to me on the top of the mountain. 3 No one shall come up with you, and let no one be seen throughout all the mountain. Let no flocks or herds graze opposite that mountain.” 4 So Moses cut two tablets of stone like the first. And he rose early in the morning and went up on Mount Sinai, as the Lord had commanded him, and took in his hand two tablets of stone. 5 The Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord. 6 The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” 8 And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped. 9 And he said, “If now I have found favor in your sight, O Lord, please let the Lord go in the midst of us, for it is a stiff-necked people, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for your inheritance.” [1]

YOUR GOD IS TOO SMALL: GILLIAN LYNNE IN THE 1930S (Royal Ballet, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, Cats/Phantom of the Opera).

GOD’S NAME. WHAT WE NAME GOD.

 “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us”- A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy. Here’s my argument for our time in God’s Word today: When we think better about God, we will live better for God. Text all about God’s name…why they are on the mount:

 “The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD”- Exodus 34:5. And what exactly is His name? Look at the next two verses: “The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation”- Exodus 34:6-7. THE CONTEXT- ISRAEL BREAKING COVENANT.

WHAT’S GOD’S NAME? COMPASSIONATE- EXODUS 34:6.

-    ISRAEL’S SIN- GOD/MOSES GONE FOR WEEKS. UNCARING.

-    “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”- Psalm 8:4.

-    “But Zion said, ‘The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.’ Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands”- Isaiah 49:14-16.

-    “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd”- Matthew 9:34. OCBF: MYLES GETTING BLOOD DRAWN!!!

WHAT’S GOD’S NAME? STEADFAST LOVE- EXODUS 34:6-7.

-    ALI- “When we die if we’ve got more good marks than bad, we go to Paradise. If we’ve got more bad  marks, we go to Hell. I’ve done a lot of bad things. Gotta keep doing good now. I wanna go to Paradise”- Muhammad Ali. HESSED

-    HESED: “When the person whom I have the right to expect nothing from gives me everything”- Michael Card, Inexpressible: Hesed and the Mystery of God’s Lovingkindness. WOMAN WHO CHEATED…

-    I CAN’T NOT LOVE YOU…

WHAT’S GOD’S NAME? PATIENT AND PARDONING- EXODUS 34:7-8.

CONCLUSION- VERSE 8. OUR RESPONSE TO BEING FORGIVEN..

-    IF I BABYSIT YOUR KIDS ONE NIGHT FOR FREE, YOU’D THANK ME.

-    IF I PAID OFF YOUR CREDIT CARD, YOU’D WRITE ME A THANK YOU NOTE AND GIVE ME A GIFT.

-    BUT IF I PAID OFF YOUR MORTGAGE AND ALL YOUR DEBTS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? YOU’D NEVER STOP THANKING ME, AND THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU WOULDN’T DO FOR ME IN RESPONSE.

[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016. Print.

Next level communicators work hard to look authentic.

Next level communicators work hard to look authentic.

Public speaking is one of the most unnatural things a person can do. Think about it, you’re standing in front of a group of mostly strangers. You have a million things going through your mind, like what comes next in my presentation? When and what is my next slide? I hope this joke or story lands. How much more time do I have left? Oh shoot, I have way less time than I thought, so what part(s) do I need to cut out? With all of these thoughts and more, it’s easy to be distracted from your normal authentic self, and become a character, a complete stranger to how your friends and loved one’s experience you. 

It bears repeating: Next level communicators work hard to look authentic. And what is authentic? It’s how people experience you in conversation. By “conversation,” I’m not saying your public speaking should be devoid of authority, or moments of passion. I am saying that when you have ended your presentation one of the things people leave with is a sense of connection with you. Remember, the best speakers establish a connection between themselves and their audience, and you can’t do this without authenticity. 

Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, is remembered as one of the most compelling communicators in history; but it was not always this way. Before his first televised interview he was so nervous he asked for directions to the bathroom because he thought he was going to be sick. A few years later, in 1984 as Apple was preparing to launch a new line of computers, Jobs can be seen rigidly holding onto the lectern, chained to his notes. All of this was a far cry from his witty and provocative true self. Over the years, Steve got much better. How? Carmine Gallo, who has spent years researching the communication skills of Steve Jobs tells us, “Jobs built a reputation for practicing relentlessly for a presentation- many, many hours over many, many weeks. Eventually Jobs was considered among the most charismatic business leaders on the world stage. What many people fail to realize is that Jobs made it look effortless because he worked at it” (Talk Like Ted, page 80). 

There it is again- the best communicators work really hard to look authentic. 

Yeh, but what exactly does it mean to work hard to look authentic? I think you know what I’m going to say, because I’ve said it so many times in previous posts. I’ll give you a hint: The answer starts with an “Internali,” and ends with “zation”. There’s no way you will be your authentic self on stage without having the basic guts of your message stuck to your bones. As communicators we all should have nervous energy as we come to the stage. The key, as Dr. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at the Harvard Business School, says is not to eliminate nerves but to manage them. And the best way to manage nervousness is to internalize our message. Remember the principle we unpacked some months ago: Less scared when prepared. 

A failure to manage nervousness will result in one or more of the following:

1. Nervous tics. They can be using filler words like, “Uh,” or distracting, non-purposeful movements. Nervous tics not only distract us from our authentic selves, but they also distract our audience, making it difficult for them to connect.

2. Stiffness. Some speakers over correct their nervous tics by being too rigid. They stand in one place, or hold onto the lectern like the early Steve Jobs did. Their efforts to control nervousness (instead of managing) has the same results as nervous tics- throwing up a barrier between them and the people they are speaking to.

If you want to become authentic as a communicator, let me recommend you begin by trying these two things:

1. Slow down, especially in the beginning of your talk. What I’m getting at here is your rate of speech. There’s actually science to back this up. Studies show that the ideal rate of speech for audio books where the listeners can hear and absorb the content is around 150-160 words a minute. The ideal rate of speech in conversation is a little faster, like 170-190 words per minute because we have added sensory aids like facial expression, gestures and body language. Auctioneers talk at an average rate of 250 words per minute. Experts have studied the most persuasive talks, and have concluded they were at a rate of around 190 words a minute, the same rate as face to face conversation. In other words, they were authentic. Now remember, it’s more than okay to vary the pace or rate at which you speak; I would argue that you must (like a score to a movie). Remember, we are talking averages per minute. Slowing our speech down, especially in the beginning, is a helpful way to manage our nervous energy.

2. Purposeful Gestures. Research has shown that gestures actually give the audience confidence in the speaker. Dr. David McNeil, a researcher at the University of Chicago is considered one of the foremost authorities in the area of hand gestures. When asked what is the key to great messages, he says that it’s all in the hands, providing empirical evidence, “...that gestures, thinking, and language are connected” (Talk Like TED, page 96). The best speakers use hand gestures which allows their audience to peer into their thought process, deepening the connection.

What I’m Reading:

Soon and Very Soon: The Transformative Music and Ministry of Andrae Crouch, by Darden and Newby.

If you found this helpful, please share with others, encouraging them to sign up here. 

What Happens to our Audiences Brain When We Tell a Story

You’ll never reach your full potential as a communicator unless you learn to tell compelling stories. 

I know, it’s a pretty strong statement, but hang in there with me, I have the science to back it up.

Dale Carnegie, one of the greatest speakers in world history, once observed how, “The great truths of the world have often been couched in fascinating stories.” Watch a TED Talk and you’ll see some of the best communicators taking their cue from Carnegie as they hold their audience spellbound with compelling stories and illustrations. And few have done it better than lawyer and justice advocate, Brian Stevenson, who in 2012 gave an eighteen minute TED Talk which when he finished earned the distinction of having the longest standing ovation in the organizations history. What made his presentation so inspiring? 

If we were to analyze Stevenson’s talk through Aristotle’s triad of Greek rhetoric- logos (content), ethos (credibility) and pathos (emotional appeal/passion)- we would see that ten percent of his message would fall in the logos bucket, twenty-five percent in ethos and an overwhelming sixty-five percent of his message was spent telling stories. Stories for Stevenson is not just something for the stage, it’s also an important resource he has used in his legal work as he has argued many cases successfully before the Supreme Court and across courtrooms in America. When asked how much of his effectiveness did he credit to telling stories around such sensitive subjects as race, poverty and prison reform, Brian responded, “Almost all of it. There are so many presumptions that will condemn the clients I care about, so my task is to overcome the narratives that have evolved. Almost all of what we’re trying to do turns on effective communication. You need data, facts, and analysis to challenge people, but you also need narrative to get people comfortable enough to care about the community that you are advocating for. Your audience needs to be willing to go with you on a journey” (Talk like TED, Carmine Gallo, page 45). 

I got it, Bryan, you may say, but what is it about stories that are so impactful? 

Dr. Uri Hasson is a psychology professor at Princeton. He and his colleagues have researched extensively what happens to our brains when we hear stories. He and his team noticed how our brains are most active when a story is told. His conclusion is that when the speaker tells the story there is a “brain-to-brain coupling” which takes place between the communicator and listener. Or to put it another way, there is a “mind meld” which happens between audience and speaker. What this means is that the most powerful weapon we have in winning people to our arguments is a good old fashion story.

Now I know the preachers reading this may object. Let’s just give people the truth of the Bible, you say. I agree, but did you know the largest genre of Scripture is narrative, or what we may call story. And then there’s Jesus. Most of his teaching utilized stories, visual aids and illustrations to persuade his audience. In fact, Jesus told so many stories, there’s a whole genre within his teaching known as parables. And let’s not forget the greatest story ever told- the gospel of Jesus Christ- which is about humanity’s sin, God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. This story is so foundational to the human experience that it’s been argued for centuries how every other story somehow points to this story. There’s no such thing as setting the stage for a pastor’s audience to receive the message of the gospel, without telling the story of the gospel. 

Stories aren’t just something nice or optional we do as communicators, they’re essential. And while I’m not advocating for sixty-five percent of our messages to be composed of them (Like Brian Stevenson’s TED Talk), I do hope you will lean into narratives as a means of persuading your audience. Andrew Stanton, writer of Toy Story says, “We all love stories. We’re born for them. Stories affirm who we are. We all want affirmations that our lives have meaning. And nothing does a greater affirmation than when we connect through stories. It can cross the barriers of time, past, present and future, and allow us to experience the similarities between ourselves and through others, real and imagined” (TED, February 2012). 

Speaking of stories, my next book, Grace to Overcome, is a devotional filled with thirty-one of what I believe to be some of the most compelling stories ever told. If you’re looking to step your story game up, preorder here. 

Great communicators are made not born.

Great communicators are made not born.

And I hope that encourages you. 

With time, and a lot of right reps, we can grow as communicators. What do I mean by “right reps”? Hall of Fame basketball coach, Phil Jackson, was once approached by a member of the media after practice one day when he was leading the legendary Los Angeles Lakers. The reporter pointed out how his star center, Shaquille O’Neal had stayed after practice and was at the free throw line working on his shot. Notorious for his poor performance from the line, the journalist was impressed to see Shaq getting his reps in, a fact he pointed out to Coach Jackson. Phil immediately responded, “Practice does not make perfect; practice makes permanent.” In other words, who cares if you’re getting your reps in, if you are not getting them in the right way. And the same is true for we communicator’s. 

Today, I want to give you one thing to practice, where if done the right way will lead to our transformation as communicators. What is that one thing? Passion.

Richard St. John, in his book, The Eight Traits Successful People Have in Common, lists the number one secret as passion. More than anything else, St. John observes, passion moves people. And in the realm of speaking, it is our most potent weapon in moving people from indifference to all in engagement. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson agrees. He once said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm (hear “passion”).”

Pretty strong statement, and over time I have found it to be true, not just in leadership, but especially in communication. But what exactly is passion? University professor, Melissa Cardon defines passion as “A positive, intense feeling that you experience for something that is profoundly meaningful for you as an individual.” Or to say it another way, passion is the ability to emotionally connect with our audience to raise the hopes of those who have found themselves hopeless or indifferent to the theme of the message we are delivering. If we want to move and inspire people, it begins with us as communicators who have first been moved and inspired by the very thing we are trying to persuade the people entrusted to us. 

So how do we do this? How do we appropriately use the currency of passion in our presentation to transform people? I have found the following four things to be essential:

1. What makes my heart sing? This is the question Carmine Gallo poses in his wildly popular book, Talk Like Ted, where after years of analyzing the most viewed TED Talks, he concludes that what makes the most meaningful messages are those where the speaker is not communicating for a paycheck, or from mere responsibility, but from a deep well of calling. My father, one of the best communicators I know, often poses the question to people who are trying to figure out what to do with their lives, “What makes you pound the table and weep?” Not what pays the most, or what will bring you fame or material possessions, but rather the deep well of calling. Winston Churchill was a transformational communicator because he loved England. Pastor EV Hill was at the top of his field because he loved God and the gospel. And Susan Cain, author of Quiet, gave one of the most viewed TED Talks because she’s passionate about introverts not being overlooked in the workplace. What about you? What makes your heart sing? What makes you pound the table and weep? Draw on that and you will find passion effortless.

2. Bring more than your mind…bring your emotions. Don’t misunderstand me. We have to have substance in our presentations. Remember, the Greeks said all great speakers had logos, or great content. But if your message is a mere information dump, don’t be surprised if people aren’t inspired. A recipe for transformational communication is the combination of rich content, packaged in appropriate passion.

3. Spend passion wisely. Every great message has ebbs and flows, mountains and valleys. There should be places in your talk when people feel a slight pinch as they are challenged from any faulty thinking or patterns you want to jolt them out of. These valleys are not necessarily the place to spend the emotional capital of passion, or you run the risk of coming off as mean. It’s best to save your passion as you’re scaling the mountain(s) of your message.

4. Be free. Years ago, when programs like PowerPoint (yes, it was that long ago) were becoming popular aids in talks, I heard a communicator caution, “Too much PowerPoint and your message will lose its point.” I agree. You know it’s a great talk, where at the end people have stopped taking notes, because their hearts are stirred. While these aids are helpful, don’t let them take the place of you, the messenger. 

What I’m Reading:

Demon Copperhead, Barbara Kingsolver. 

Knowledge of the Holy, A.W. Tozer (re-read).

If you’ve found this post helpful, please share with others, encouraging them to sign up here. 

4 Things Next Level Communicators Do When They Give a Bad Talk

I don’t care how great of a communicator you are, you will give a bad talk. It happens to the best of us.

Mike Tyson got knocked out by Buster Douglas. Tiger Woods got walked down by Y.E. Yang. And world number one Serena Williams' bid to win all four majors in the same calendar year was derailed by an unseeded and unknown Roberta Vinci. If Tyson, Woods and Serena can have their off days, so will we as communicators.

And this bugs me to no end, because there’s no rhyme or reason to it. What I mean by this is I can put in the same amount of work, admire the beauty of my talk as I look at it on the computer screen, only to give it and…crickets. Nothing. If you’ve spoken long enough, you feel my frustration. 

So what concerns me in this post is why do we give bad talks, and what to do when, not if, we stink up the joint.

Charles Spurgeon was a nineteenth century pastor whose speaking gift was so big, he was known as, “The Prince of Preachers,” and even he found himself tormented by the occasional errant message. Reflecting on one particular time, Spurgeon recalls, “I could not speak as usually I have done…It humbled me bitterly…Some may imagine that want of study brought me into that condition, but I can honestly affirm that it was not so. I think that I am bound to give myself unto reading and not to tempt the Spirit by unthought of effusions. I always deem it a duty to seek my sermons from my Master, and implore Him to impress them on my mind; but on that occasion I think I had prepared even more carefully than I ordinarily do, so that unpreparedness was not the reason for the lack of force I then mourned. The simple fact is this, “The wind bloweth where it listeth’; and sometimes the winds themselves are still” (Spurgeon: Prince of Preachers, page 280).

Let me translate what Spurgeon is saying: He prepared as best he could. He prayed and asked God to help him. Then he got up to speak and it was one big nothing burger. So what did Spurgeon think the problem was? A lack of power. It looked great on paper, but came out powerless on the stage. 

Ever been there? I have. If you’re like me, you can find yourself talking to yourself in the middle of a presentation you are giving to others. And in those moments where it’s not going well I can tell you I’ve told myself to just get this over with so I can go back to my room and crawl under the bed. I put the feeling I get giving a lifeless talk right next to a root canal. So uncomfortable.  

Okay, so what do we do when we inevitably lay an egg? I have found these four things to be helpful:

1. It’s never as bad as you think it is. Give yourself some grace, it’s not as bad as you thnk. I remember one talk I gave to a group of athletes some years ago that I felt particularly horrible about. Like, I was boring myself. Afterwards a couple came up to me before I could make a mad dash for my hotel room. They were in tears (“Of course you are, after that mess,” I thought to myself) as they told me how God used my message to lead them to faith in Christ that evening. Something like this happens nearly every time I give a “bad talk,” reminding me it’s never as bad as it feels, which leads me to my next point.

2. Learn some humility. You ever put a message together, looked at your notes and thought to yourself, “Oh this is going to be fantastic,” only to get up and give it and it’s fantastically terrible? That’s happened to me so much that I actually get nervous when I feel like the message is great before I give it. But then the reverse is true. There are times I get up to give a talk where I feel like the little boy who came to Jesus with a few pieces of fish and a few loaves of bread to feed thousands- inadequate. And the message is extraordinary. I don’t think these things are random. God oftentimes allows us to feel as if we did bad, only to see people be encouraged to show us it’s really not about us, so be humble. 

3. Learn from it. Sometimes the reason we didn’t do well is clear. Maybe it was a lack of preparation, or we took some shortcuts, or other reasons. Okay, learn from the mistakes and resolve to grow. 

4. Toss it. In golf they say you’re only as good as your next shot. Like communicators, the best golfers will hit errant shots, so instead of dwelling on the last shot, they have to toss it, and look to the next shot. The bad message happened, so you may need to take a peak in the rearview mirror and learn from it, and after you’ve done that, toss it. Onto the next message.

What I’m reading:

Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer (re-read). 

Next level communicators understand that all of life is preparation.

Next level communicators understand that all of life is preparation.

One of the most frequent questions I’m asked is how long does it take me to put a message together? My response is less than helpful: All of life is preparation. This is the one thing next level communicators understand about preparation, because when we speak, we are communicating from our head, hearts and a lifetime of experience.

John Wesley, an eighteenth century transformational communicator, was once asked why so many people came to hear him preach. He is said to have responded, “When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.” What Wesley meant by setting himself on fire, is how his faith played a daily, vital role in his development and growth as a communicator. For John Wesley, this was the key to his next level communication. People were drawn to him not just because of his intellect, stories or well organized presentation. Wesley said what drew people to his preaching was his life set a blaze in deep conviction by the very truths he was seeking to convey to his audience. The hour or so that he spoke, came from a life that had fully bought into the message.

Next level communicators are all in on the message they are passing onto their audience. 

So how do we get to a place where we set ourselves on fire so people can come and see us burn? Over the years, I have found the following to be essential:

1. Sin will dampen the fire. I’m a Christian. I’m also a preacher. If there’s one thing I have found out the hard way it’s that no matter how good your presentation is, when I am not living out the truths I’m seeking to pass on, something is off with the message. Sure, I understand that God’s Word is “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12), and that His Word will not “return empty” (Isaiah 55:11). Yes, there’s a power in the Word of God independent from the life of the communicator. And yet, somehow, someway, these two things are connected- the unleashed efficacy of the Word and the commitment of the preacher to grow in holiness. 

2. Cultivating a daily walk with Christ is the best communication preparation we can ever do. What does this look like for me? Every day I commit to spend an hour in prayer and bible reading with God. I split this hour up in three twenty minute blocks. The first twenty minutes involves (in this order) prayers of gratitude, confession and then meditation on a passage of Scripture. The second twenty minute block centers around me reading through the Bible, and stopping to pray over verses that catch my attention. And the final twenty minute block is intercession- me praying for others. I have a prayer journal that I work through weekly, praying for my family, government, church, and a host of other people and needs. 

3. Evening reflection. I try to end the day by journaling reflections on the day's events, confessing sin to God, and praising him for ways I have seen him show up that day. 

4. Weekly fasting. Once a week I fast from food. If I can be honest, I hate doing this, and I never look forward to fast days, but that’s why I do it. Fasting is not a good luck charm for me (By the way, John Wesley fasted twice a week), but a way to declare to God that I desire Him more than food. It’s a purifying experience which keeps me in a posture of prayer throughout the day. 

I have found when I am committed to these rhythms there is a depth to my preaching which feels…worshipful, and truly transformational for myself and the audiences I speak to.

What I’m reading:

Undivided: The Quest for Racial Solidarity in an American Church, Hahrie Han.

The Barn: The Secret History of a Murder in Mississippi, Wright Thompson. 

If you found this helpful, please share this with others, and encourage them to subscribe here. 

Thank You

Thank You!

I just wanted to send a very quick note to say thank you for signing up for my weekly email on communication. I sure hope the insights I’ve shared have been helpful in your growth as a communicator. But I don’t want to limit my thanks to words. You’ll be getting an email from me very shortly with twenty-five of some of the best illustrations around. I don’t know about you, but as a communicator I’m always looking for just the right story or analogy to help bring the point I’m making home. Well, I have found these to be extremely helpful, and I’m sure you will too. 

Glad to be on this journey with you,

Bryan