The 1 Thing Next Level Communicators Do When They Make Mistakes
The 1 Thing Next Level Communicators Do When They Make Mistakes
Any athlete who plays for a prolonged period of time will have injuries. And any communicator who speaks consistently will make mistakes…not singular, but plural. What injuries are to athletes, mistakes are to communicators.
I was just asked about my most embarrassing moments as a speaker by a young communicator. His question was prompted by a “hiccup” that went viral from a preacher not too long ago. I answered this young man with something like, “Thank goodness when I was just starting out they didn’t have YouTube, and the internet was not as popular, because all my major blunders are on cassette tapes and CD’s.” Then a few days later I made one of the biggest blunders in my thirty-five years of public speaking.
You just can’t make this stuff up.
I’m guessing you want to know. Okay, here goes. I was speaking at a church of about fifteen thousand. And everything is clicking. The people are into it. I’m into it. I’m feeling a little perspiration across my forehead, which is always a good thing. And then, at the height of emotion, I read this verse from the Bible, “This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have good…”
If you grew up in the church, you know what comes next since this is one of the more popular sections of Scripture: “Success”. Well, with great passion I say, “SEX,” as in, “...for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have GOOD SEX”.
Oh boy.
The audience went wild.
And no, I won’t tell you the name of the church. And even if I did, I made sure they didn’t post it online. So don’t even try.
Okay, so now that I’ve established I’m shoulder to shoulder with you in the major- mistake-as-a-communicator-department, what in the world do we do when these sorts of things happen? We own it, that’s what we do.
What does it look like to own our mistakes when, not if, they inevitably happen? Let me offer the following:
Address it immediately. When I had my blunder, there was a split second where I went into self-talk, that went something like this, “Do I act like it didn’t happen, and just keep going? No. I have to stop the message and address this…now.” The reason I made that decision had everything to do with the audience's reaction. The laughter was just too next level, too wide spread for me to act like it didn’t happen. And this goes the other way as well. Sometimes our mistakes are no laughing matter, and the audience will let us know as well. Their peculiar silence will cue us to the fact that something just went wrong. When I was telling my wife what I did, after she finished laughing hysterically, she said, “Please tell me you didn’t just move past this, but actually called attention to it?” She was relieved when I told her I did address it.
Respond the way the audience responds. Now I know we as communicators will not always be afforded the privilege of knowing in the moment when we’ve screwed up (more on that later), but in those times that we do, we need to let our audience be our guide as to how we respond. In my case, the audience's laughter at my “GOOD SEX” comment signaled that it was appropriate for me to begin laughing, which I did. In laughter I said, “I can’t believe I just said that,” and then riffed appropriately. After about forty-five seconds of being off script, it was okay for me to move on. On the other hand, if your mistake is no laughing matter, then neither should you laugh. Adjust your tone and demeanor to match the mistake.
Apologize Appropriately. Whether you catch it in the moment, or after the fact, I want to encourage you to apologize appropriately. First, an acceptable apology takes ownership: “I’m sorry, I…”. Not, “I’m sorry you took it that way,” followed by a list of excuses. Second, an acceptable apology names the offense specifically. And finally, a real apology makes the big ask, “Will you forgive me.”
Invite others in. When you don’t catch the mistake, sometimes you will know by the gravity of it that you need to circle back the next week (i.e., if you are a pastor), or send out some sort of communication to make amends. But sometimes you don’t really know. In this case pay attention to your email inbox, and solicit at least a dozen opinions from people of various generations, and cultures who were in the audience. Let that be your guide.
Press delete. For sure, literally. Have the production people get rid of it before it goes online. But also, figuratively. They say in golf that no matter how good or bad your last shot was, you’ve got to move onto the next one.
And for the record, I only got one text from this audience about my blunder. I did get plenty of feedback on how encouraged they were by the message. Now, how exactly my message encouraged their marriages, I’m not sure? LOL.
Hey, I’ve got a new book coming out that I think you as a communicator should buy. Why? Because it’s thirty-one of the best stories I’ve come across. These stories will help you as a communicator. My new book is called, Grace to Overcome, and it comes out in August. You can preorder here.
