A Sextant for Dating | Genesis 24, Pt 2

Dating is more art than science; it can feel more like navigating an ocean than putting together a piece of furniture from Ikea (which for a directionally challenged person like me is still no easy task). Don’t I know it. Those first few weeks of dating for Korie and I were euphoric. There was a date night at the movies where we saw Titanic, air hockey at the Santa Monica Pier and long walks on Redondo Beach. And while I thought we were having the time of our lives, what I didn’t realize was Korie was also feeling overwhelmed. She ended up expressing that to me in a marathon phone conversation that went from 11pm-6am. She had just gotten saved, and immediately started to date a pastor and the pressure was just too much. So she broke up with me. I was crushed y'all…just crushed. But, even after breaking up with me, Korie kept calling to tell me all of the wonderful things the Lord was teaching her from Bible studies, to her time in her discipleship group. Now, please forgive me for being “Petty Roosevelt,” but if you break up with me, I really could care less what the Lord is teaching you! It was during this brief intermission in our relationship that we both realized the depths of feelings we had for one another, and so we ended up getting back together, and trying to make our way across the ocean of dating.Talk about a time of uncertainty. 

Felt Need

I hold in my hand a sextant (need this prop), a navigational tool that allows you to use fixed things, like the horizon and sun to get your bearings. There are stories of people being lost at sea, and using this tool to lock in on fixed realities and being able to navigate the bumpy ocean waters. In many ways, this is what Pastor JD and I have been doing the last few weeks- giving you a biblical sextant, filled with principles drawn right from the Bible on dating. It’s important that we do this series because if you think about it, singleness is the only season every person will experience. In fact, right here in the Triangle, half of the adult population are single, which is roughly double what it was fifty years ago. What this means is if we are going to really engage our mission field effectively with the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have to have a clear compelling vision for what God glorifying singleness looks like, and since most singles will spend time dating, we need to equip and disciple our people with sound, fixed biblical principles for dating. As I said last week, we also want  to encourage married couples to not check out on us. One reason is that dating should not just be something singles do, but should also be something we engage in regularly after we say, “I do.” And of course, who hasn’t made their share of mistakes in relationships? By applying these principles in relationships, we can set a new hope-filled trajectory for future relationships. 

Involving Others- Genesis 24:60

As we begin, I want to double click on something Pastor JD pointed out in the first week of our series, and that is the need to not date in isolation, something our passage really models. Genesis 24 is the story of how God is multiplying his people- the nation of Israel- through the courtship of Isaac and Rebekah. And one of the things that should strike you is the sheer number of people involved in this whole process. This is not just Isaac and Rebekah, huddled off doing their own thing. No, there are a whole lot of people who are a part of the process. Consider these people who play a crucial role in their courtship: Abraham, Abraham’s servant, Laban (Rebekah’s brother), Bethuel (Rebekah’s father), Rebekah’s mother, Rebekah’s maiden. What’s more than clear is that Isaac and Rebekah do not date each other in isolation, but this whole thing unfolds in the midst of an engaged community of people. 

Now what Genesis 24 is doing at this point is cutting against the grain of our culture of dating. The very word, date or dating, the way we use it today doesn’t appear in literature until the late 1800s, when our culture is going through a seismic shift where young people are leaving rural communities and their families en masse, and coming into the city. Now, away from family, they begin to arrange what they called “dates” for the purposes of a relationship. Previously, there was this thing called courting, where when a woman was around the age of 16, suitors came to her house, presented their cards, and sat in the parlor with the young woman and at least her mother where they would be interviewed. With a lot of input from the parents, the suitors were whittled down to one, and given permission to take the daughter out. So what I want you to see, is before this thing called dating, there was courting, and the fundamental difference was courting was communal, and dating became individual. 

So what’s the point here, Bryan? Are you saying we need to end dating, and go back to courting? No. But I do think there’s extreme wisdom in taking a major tenet of courting found not just in American history, but also in the Bible, and that is making a commitment to invite others in the dating process. Why? Well, one, the bible says so: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety”- Proverbs 11:14. Listen, if you’ve ever bought a house, you know you don’t make that decision in isolation, but there are a whole lot of other people included. There’s the bank who is going to really scrutinize your finances and ask the question if you can afford this. There’s the inspector who will meticulously look the house up and down to see if this is a worthwhile investment. There’s the appraiser who will determine if the home is what it’s worth. There’s the legal realm who will be involved. Now if we include all of these people and more for something that will involve the next decade or so of our lives, how much more do we need to include others for something we will potentially say, “Till death do us part”? There’s just wisdom in including others. And the time to build that community is now.

The second reason you need to involve others is because you have contracted an illness. You sure have. Listen to what these Christian therapist’s say, “Being ‘in love,’ in the beginning of a relationship is an illness. It is treatable, but it is an illness nevertheless. The illness is the inability to see reality. For the very state of ‘being in love’ is a state of idealization, where the other person is not really viewed through the eyes of reality. He or she is mostly seen through the eyes of someone’s own wishes or fantasies…”- Dr’s. Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating. I’ve seen this happen many times. It amazes me how many people can have a PhD in other people’s relationships, but be at a Kindergarten level in their own. Why? Falling in love distorts reality, because our emotions overwhelm our ability to see straight. It’s at this point where we need to involve others to help navigate us through. 

I Got You- Genesis 24:53

The final three points of the message I need you to hear them from the vantage point of me pressing fast forward in the dating relationship to the point where you are contemplating engagement and marriage. Now, when we read

Genesis 24, one of the things which should stop you in  your tracks is what made Rebekah comfortable enough to leave her own family, and head out to a country she did not know, to marry a man she had not seen? Verse 53 answers that for us. Scholars tell us what’s going on here is Abraham’s servant isn’t just giving nice gifts, but these gifts are actually the bride price. No, this isn’t buying a woman, but the bride price was a cultural arrangement whereby the groom was communicating he could take care of the future bride. I’ll never forget, when I was in Bible college, I had a classmate who was an international student who was working like three jobs; it was crazy. I remember asking him why he was working so much, and he said it was because he was in love, and was planning to propose, but before he did so, her family required 10 cows as the bride price. I was like, “Do you have to get her a ring on top of that?” He said, “Yes. You American’s get off so easy.” 

Men Need to Feel Significant

You know what the message of the bride price is? Three words: I GOT YOU. What these gifts do for Rebekah is it instills in her a confidence that this person can provide for her. It communicates, I got you. And in the same way, both men and women in the dating relationship need to be able to say in so many words, “I got you.” Yeh, but what exactly does that mean? Two things. Men have a core need to feel significant. Now, of course I am not saying women do not need to feel significant. Of course they do, but this tends to be more pronounced with men, and the bible underscores this, where over and over again in the NT women are told to respect their husbands. What this does is speak to a man’s basic wiring to feel significant. We all know Aretha Franklin’s  hit song, “Respect,” but what you may not know is that a man, Otis Redding, actually wrote it. Pastor JD, in the first week of the series, pointed to this when he said that one of his favorite things about his wife Veronica is how she makes him feel, and no doubt a part of this has to do with feeling significant. 

How does a woman practically do this? Well, one of the ways is by speaking what Dr. Gary Chapman calls our love language. Many of you know this, but there are five love languages: 1. Words of Affirmation; 2. Quality Time; 3. Physical Touch; 4. Gifts; 5. Acts of Service. Now of course this is a two way street, where both men and women need to speak each other’s love language, but when a woman speaks her man’s love language it makes him feel significant, and says, “I got you.” My love language is words of affirmation. Pair that with me being introvert it pretty much means tell me how great I am and leave me alone! Just kidding. But I tell Korie, “I don’t care how many compliments I may get from other people, their words don’t carry a fraction of the weight your words do.” When my wife takes the time to speak my love language it touches on my core need to feel significant.

Women Need to Feel Secure

While a man’s core need is to feel significant, women have a driving need to feel secure (And in the same way we are not saying men don’t need to feel secure). This is why SUV’s have historically been marketed towards women, why the average woman when she envisions her husband thinks of someone taller and stronger than her. It’s also why for many women, the financial dimension is really important. When Rebekah receives these gifts, they are tapping in on her core need to feel secure. These gifts in so many words are Isaac’s way of saying, “I got you.” 

Now it’s at this point where some of you may be saying, “Wait a minute Bryan, are you telling me I need to be financially wealthy to get married?” Not at all. In fact, when Korie and I were dating, I was making 18k a year with no benefits in Los Angeles! I used to pray that Korie wouldn’t order certain things from the menu! I was broke. So how in the world was I able to speak to Korie’s driving need to feel secure? I asked her this a few years ago. Korie said that while she knew I didn’t have money, she saw two things which spoke to her need for security: Direction and Drive. She said, “Bryan, I saw that you knew where you were going in life. You had a plan, and not only did you have a plan but you also had a drive, a strong work ethic.” Korie saw me going to grad school, burning the midnight oil, working hard at what God called me to do. And those two things communicated to her, “I got you.” So men, I want to say this pretty clearly: If you don’t have a general sense of direction, and the drive, then you need to press pause on dating seriously. No, I”m not making an argument for single income households where the guy works outside the home and the woman doesn’t, but men you should have a sense of direction and drive to your life. 

I’m Leaving- Genesis 24:58-59

Now remember, we are pressing fast forward in the dating process on these last three points. They are for people headed into marriage. Look at what Rebekah does in verses 58-59. She throws up the deuces and says, “I’m leaving,” to her family. This is completely in keeping with Genesis 2, when God says to the first marriage, and therefore to all marriages, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”- Genesis 2:24. See the principle of leaving? What Genesis 2:24 and Rebekah’s leaving her family communicates is a universal principle to all marriages and that is in marriage, the husband/wife relationship is the primary relationship over every other human relationship. It’s primary over the children. I remember once I bought something really nice for Korie and one of my kids asked why I didn’t buy them something that nice? I simply said, “Because I don’t love you as much as I love your mother. Your mother was here before you got here, and she will be here once you leave…at 18…never ever to return!” LOL. A bit overstated, but you get the point. And leaving also communicates that the husband/wife dynamic is more important than our own parents. You can’t be a mama’s boy and have a great marriage at the same time. And you can’t be a daddy’s girl in the sense of relating to your dad as if he’s the most important man in your life and have a great marriage at the same time.

TABLE VISUAL. Now I know what I just said is very hard, so let’s spend some time to flesh this out, and I really need you to grasp this because if you do it will really set the trajectory for an amazing relationship with your parents and in-law’s once you get married. Some psychologists use the visual of a dinner table to describe this point of leaving. Before this man or woman came into your life, your parents were not just at the table of your life, but were seated at the head of the table as authority figures. Once you get married, two things have to happen. First, your parents and your spouse’s parents must get demoted. They are no longer seated at the head of the table. Wife, your dad is no longer the number one man in your life, your husband is. Husband, your mama is no longer the number one woman in your life, your wife is. So they have to get out of their seats, which leads me to my second point: We still want and need them at the table. We want a relationship with them. We want their input, wisdom and involvement. We just need them in different seats. Now I wish I could tell you this is a one and done movement, but it’s not. It’ll take several years with several hard conversations where you need to both communicate your desire for them to be at the table, but also that they are in different seats…

I Love You- Genesis 24:67

Finally, our passage ends with love. Again, these final points are in the advanced stage of dating. Look at verse 67. Here the text says that Isaac loved her, and this is the last thing you must be prepared to both do and say if this relationship is going to be one that lasts a lifetime- I love you. Those words are weighty words which communicate way more than what our culture would tell you they do. These words are not just a feeling, but biblically speaking point to a sacrificial commitment. Paul would say it this way: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends”- I Corinthians 13:4-8a. Did you notice in all of those descriptions of love, not one is a feeling? Now of course love, at times, contains feelings, but biblically speaking, agape love is a sacrificial commitment that seeks the absolute best in the object loved. 

Let’s press this a bit further. Paul describes love as patient. One pastor describes patience as the decision to move at someone else’s pace instead of pressuring them to move at yours. What this means is that in the course of a relationship you are going to see things in the other person you want fixed, patterns you want changed, and it won’t happen right away. Sometimes it will take years. And love means I’m patient. Not only that, but Paul says love is kind. You know what kindness is? It’s love’s response to weakness. You really see kindness contrasted with something that is unpleasant. Here’s the point: When the bible speaks of love being patient and kind it assumes that in the context of a relationship we will see each other at our worst, yet love kicks in and says, I’m still with you. I’m often asked the question, “How long should I date before I decide to get engaged?” My answer is always the same, “Date long enough to see the mess. Date long enough to have a good fight, because you want to be able to discern if there is enough commitment there to deal with the weaknesses in others and vice versa (by the way, there are plenty of deal breakers in relationships that you would be wise to end things over.).”

Some years ago a woman got into a horrific car accident that damaged her face. As the doctors were performing surgery they struck a nerve around her mouth that caused her mouth to twist badly. A few days later when the bandages came off, the woman was horrified at what she saw, and she immediately wondered how her husband would react. Later on that day when he saw her for the first time he came over to her, stroked her head and bent down to kiss her twisted mouth. But in order to do this he had to twist his mouth to hers. After the kiss he told her he loved her. This is love friends- seeing the twisted parts in each other and embracing one another.

And this is what Christ did for us on the cross. How do I know Christ loves me? Because he sees the absolute worst in us. He sees our immorality, our rebellion, our prideful self-righteousness. He sees how sin has twisted the image of God in our lives, and yet the bible says that, “God demonstrated his love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The hymn writer, Charles Wesley was so amazed by the love of Christ he wrote: And can it be that I should gain

An int'rest in the Savior's blood?

Died He for me, who caused His pain?

For me, who Him to death pursued?

Amazing love! how can it be

That Thou, my God, should die for me?

A Recipe for Dating | Genesis 24:1-4

Last week, Pastor JD kicked off a four week series on dating that I found personally inspiring today as a married man, and would have really killed for in my season of singleness. When I was 22 years old, I packed up my little Nissan Sentra there in Atlanta, Georgia, and headed out west on I20 for Los Angeles where I was going to serve a church while going to grad school; it was the most amazing time of my life. Our church was about 13k people, with an average age in the late 20s, where many of us were single, loved Jesus and naturally ended up dating. IMAGE OF KORIE AND I. I remember when Korie and I started dating, and having a conversation with some of the leaders there at the church. I knew pretty quickly that this relationship had some real potential, and I wanted to steward this season well. So I asked for some wisdom in how to navigate this relationship, and pretty much all I got was, “Don’t have sex, and if you feel like God is saying she’s the one, get married. Oh, and don’t have sex.” I’m like, “Got it. I really do get it. But what else you got for me?” Crickets. At the end of the day it felt like all I got was a puzzle box, when what I was asking for was a cookbook.

PROP: I NEED A PUZZLE BOX THAT HAS THE IMAGE OF THE FINISHED PRODUCT ON THE OUTSIDE. AND I NEED A COOKBOOK WITH PICTURES. Let me explain. If you’ve ever put a large puzzle together you know the first thing you do is dump all the pieces on the table and prop the box up so the picture can guide you, and that’s pretty much it. Puzzles don’t come with a list of instructions or a clearly defined process. Just a picture. That’s what I was being told by the leaders of the church when I asked about dating: there’s the picture- get married and don’t have sex. But what I really wanted was a cookbook. See cookbooks have a picture of the end result, and they have a mapped out process for how to go about it. I needed some real practical wisdom…discipleship…in the area of dating. I needed a cookbook. 

Felt Need

Today, as we continue in our series on relationships, I want to talk to you about dating. If you think about it, God has ordained a season of life that every person will go through, and it’s called singleness. In America the statistics are pretty telling. About half of the adult population are single, which is up from 28% in 1970. Today, San Jose is affectionately referred to as, “Man Jose,” because it has the largest demographic of single professional men. I guess the picture I’m trying to paint for you is that we have a real opportunity in front of us as the people of God. I just don’t know how we will reach the culture without equipping our single adults for this critical season of life, a season where most will experience dating. And I don’t want those of us who are married to check out on us either. Dating should not be something that ends at the wedding. The wedding is not a finished line, but really a starting line. Many of these principles on dating are still relevant for everyone, no matter what your season.  And believe it or not, the bible has some really clear things to say. 

Not Your Typical “Diet Bible” Message on Dating

Now what some of us are probably feeling right now is a degree of skepticism, because if you’re like me you’ve heard your share of dating messages and they are typically at most, “Diet Bible,” where you jump all over the place and throw some things together, but this is not what we are going to do. Pastor JD did a tremendous job anchoring his message in Song of Solomon, and today and next week we are going to put it in park in Genesis 24. Genesis 24 so happens to be the longest chapter in the book of Genesis. Will you stop and think about that for a moment. The longest chapter in Genesis is not on creation, or sin, but on courtship. This is not to say this is the most important chapter, but neither is it insignificant. Why Genesis 24? Because this story is all about how two single people come together in marriage. It’s a story about courtship, or what I’ll refer to as dating. And of course we must be careful in how we interpret the principles here, because courtship in the Bible is very different from dating today. That said, Genesis 24 still provides us with a ton of wisdom in navigating the waters of dating. 

Does God Care about Friday Night?

In the scheme of things, Genesis 24 is all about the fulfillment of the Abrahamic Covenant, where God promises to make Abraham into a great nation as numberless as the stars in the sky and the sand on the sea. So that by the time we get to Genesis 24 we are seeing the fulfillment of that promise, and the expansion of the Jewish people, as Isaac, the son of Abraham, will court and marry Rebekah, and they will have kids. What our passage is about is the providence of God through the courtship of these two people. And when we talk about the providence of God we are talking about a God who is at work in all things to bring about his good plan. That’s why Paul, in writing of the providence of God, would say to the Romans, that all things work together for good, to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. All really means all. And a part of the all are the dating experiences many of you have. God really is at work in the Friday and Saturday night’s of your life, giving you much needed clarity as you wrestle with the question of is this the kind of person you should marry. 

The Principle of Contentment

Genesis 24 reads like a novella, where we see a God who is providentially at work in this love story of Isaac and Rebekah. And the first thing we see is that both of these singles are completely content. We don’t see Isaac until the end of the story and what is he doing? He’s in a field meditating, communing with God. And when we meet Rebekah she’s busy serving. Neither one is huddled up among their friends where Isaac is complaining about how women can’t be trusted, or Rebekah saying, “GURRRRRL, let me tell you it’s impossible to find a good man.” They are both just the picture of contentment. 

One of the great theological debates centers around the question of whether Paul was single or not? While I for sure have my opinion, I think the reason why the question persists all these years later is because Paul was content. Look at what he says to the Philippians: “I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me”- Philippians 4:10-13. The word content in the Greek is a compound word which means sufficient on its own, and it carries with it the idea of being satisfied with one’s lot. No, Paul isn’t greenlighting some kind of individualism where he’s independent even of God, because he ends by tethering his sufficiency to Christ. 

Like many of you, I have a watch that has GPS and some tech features. In order to get this to work, it has to be plugged in and charged every so often to a source outside of itself. This kind of watch is always needing to find a short lived charge in something else. But then I have other kinds of watches that are automatic. They never need to be plugged in. I just tether them to me, and they are powered off of my movement. In this sense, these watches are content, while the GPS one’s are not. And my concern is too many Christians are getting a short lived sense of happiness and fulfillment off of being connected relationally to others. Dating, sadly, for too many is how they find their sense of self-worth and joy. This is not the way of Jesus. 

This leads to the question of how do we nurture contentment in our lives? Let me give you two things. Christian therapist’s and writers, Dr’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend say we need to cultivate a healthy aloneness: “Your aloneness makes you get involved in relationships that you know are not going to last. It also keeps you from being alone long enough to grow into a person who does not have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. To be happy in a relationship, and to pick the kind of relationship that is going to be the kind you desire, you must be able to be happy without one. If you must be dating or married in order to be happy, you are dependent, and you will never be happy with whatever person you find,” Boundaries in Dating. Secondly, a healthy aloneness can only happen when we place God at the center of our lives. Tim Keller says idols cannot be removed but replaced. If always needing to be in a relationship is your idol, then you have to replace that with God. Notice in Genesis 24, the name LORD or God is used some 25 times in this chapter. Over and over again we find people praying to God, worshiping God, and talking about God. What’s clear is that for Rebekah, Isaac, and their families God is at the center. This is vitally important when we talk about dating. If the center of your heart or affections are not regularly marinating in the presence and joy of the LORD, if you are not experiencing deep contentment and satisfaction in Christ, you will look to dating to impossibly provide you with something only God can, and inevitably experience disappointment in dating.

The Right Place- Genesis 24:1-4

What is Genesis 24 about? It is the story of the spread of God’s kingdom through the nation of Israel as he fulfills his promise made to Abraham. In the opening verses, Abraham tells his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac, but where? Abraham doesn’t leave that up to the servant to figure out, instead he tells him to, “...not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred and take a wife for my son Isaac”- Genesis 24:3-4. Now is Abraham being racist when he tells his servant to not go to another nation? No. In fact, God warns Israel, and later on Solomon to not marry people from other nations, and it has nothing to do with differences in culture or ethnicity, but everything to do with not being on the same page spiritually when it comes to worshiping the one true God. Instead, Abraham tells his servant to go to his country and find the wife. Here Abraham is giving us the principle of going to the right place. 

What does this mean for us? Well, crassly put, we are more likely to find the right person in church than on Tinder. No, this isn’t me throwing shade on all dating apps- they can be really helpful- but don’t miss the important principle of being in the right place. And of course coming to church to find a date should never be our primary motivation, but it’s more than okay to keep your eyes open for what the Lord may have for you in the house of God! 

It was a January day in 1998, when I took my seat on the stage at the FCMBC (yes, we were old school, and the pastors sat on the stage), and saw her. It was as if the production team had turned down all but one of the lights, with that single light shining on a stunning woman, who had on a white blouse, jet black hair, and smooth olive skin. I was smitten. I turned and said to the EP, “You see that woman there? I’m going to take her out.” To which he said, “No way. She’s out of your league, and if you get a date with her I’ll pay for it.” If you ever wondered what pastors talk about in church, that’s it! So I mustered up the courage, had a few conversations with her, got her phone number and asked her out, and here we are 25 years into marriage, and it all began in the right place. 

Here’s what you want: You want to be so singularly focused on Jesus, that you are running hard after him. And in the middle of the pursuit of Christ, you look around and realize there are other people running in the same direction. What you don’t want is to fall into the trap of thinking you can change that person. Neither you nor marriage will change anyone. 

The Principle of Clarity- Genesis 24:48-49

Now we need to be careful how we approach and handle Genesis 24. There are some very real disconnects between the courtship of the OT and dating today. So while we would be wise to follow the principles in the text, we have to also be careful to not moralize them. On the one hand we see that this is an arranged marriage. But on the other hand, what cannot be missed is the clarity throughout the whole process.. Abraham gives clear instructions for his servant to find Isaac a wife. The servant is clear in regards to his intentions with Rebekah. Look at what he says to her family in verses 48-49. See the clarity?  

In 1952, on a cloudy Southern California day, Florence Chadwick was trying to become the first person to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California. With one mile left she gave up. Why? At the press conference afterwards she confessed, “All I could see was the fog…I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it.” A lack of clarity did her in, and in the same way, a lack of clarity hurts so many relationships. 

Men and women, one of the best gifts we can give each other is the gift of clarity. I’ve yet to meet anyone in a dating relationship who says, “You know, I really enjoy not knowing where I stand, or how the other person feels, or what their intentions are.” I’ve never heard someone say, “Yeh, I just love getting ghosted when I’m dating someone.  No, I am not saying your first date you, in the name of clarity, tell her your intentions are to marry, that can come off as weird and overwhelming. Pastor Ben Stuart says that when he was dating he would always be careful to say to a woman, “Would you go out on a date,” and not, “do you want to hang out,” and certainly never, “Do you want to watch Netflix and chill?” After the date he would continue with the clarity by saying, “I had a really good time, and I will call you,” so she wasn’t wondering. And he would also say to her, “Look, if at any time you’re not into this, please tell me, and I will respect your wishes.” See the clarity? And while it’s not cool for women to ghost a guy, it’s also not cool for a man to leave a woman in the dark, and string them along.

Selflessness- Genesis 24:12-14

So off the servant goes, and when he arrives notice what he prays beginning in verse 12. See the prayer? He’s praying for a selfless woman. When he’s done praying Rebekah shows up (and notice verse 16 comments on her appearance saying she’s attractive. Looks play a small part in this.) and watch what happens: Rebekah offers to give him a drink and his camels. Now one water jar could hold like a gallon of water. One camel required like 25 gallons of water to regain the weight they had lost from the journey. How many camels did he have? Verse 10 tells us he had 10 camels. Now let’s say they just got 10 gallons each and not 25. Well, with her one gallon jar, to water all ten means that she goes back and forth 100 times! So here he prayed for a selfless wife for Isaac, and that’s exactly what he got. 

One of the primary things  on your list to pray for in a spouse, should be selflessness. Why? Because selfishness is the number one killer to all relationships. People have affairs because they’re selfish. People don’t get divorced for irreconcilable differences, but for selfishness, with one or both people refusing to give in. Let me give you four selfish indicator lights in dating: 1. Pressuring to push physical boundaries. 2. Never asks you questions about your life 3. Makes you feel bad for wanting to have a life separate from him/her. 4. Most of what you do together is what they want to do. 

Gospel Conclusion

In John 5, Jesus said that the Scriptures point to him. That’s right, we see Jesus right here in Genesis 24, but how? Jesus was selfless: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross”- Philippians 2:5-8. Jesus Christ was completely selfless, as he gave up his life for you and I so that we could be in relationship with God. He was completely content. No one lived a more satisfied content life than Jesus. He was single for all of his life, yet singularly focused on the mission of God. Jesus clearly offered salvation by coming to this place called earth, so that you and I could find ultimate satisfaction and security in him. Don’t you see? There’s no way we will ever instigate real joy and fulfillment in others, unless we are finding deep joy and fulfillment in Christ.

The Work of Reconciliation | Matthew 5:17-26

One of my favorite authors is Philip Yancey, and the reason why I like him so much is because he writes so insightfully on the subjects of grace, forgiveness and reconciliation. His passion for dealing with broken relationships comes from a mother who wronged him and his brother, and never made amends for the way she treated them. In his memoir, Where the Light Fell, Philip recalls growing up in the home of a prideful, self righteous mother who once said she had not sinned in 12 years, and then he says these words, “Sinlessness guarantees she will win every argument with us, her sons, at least in her mind. It also guarantees that- like her own mother- she sees no need to apologize, ever. As we’re lying in our beds one night, Marshall reveals something that makes my blood run cold. ‘I hate her,’ he says. ‘Always have. Even when I was your age, ten years old, I wanted her to die”- Philip Yancey, Where the Light Fell.  Sadly, Philip’s brother Marshall would hate his mother, for as long as she was alive.

The Reality of Broken Relationships

What are you feeling at this moment? I hear this story and I feel two things. One I feel a deep sense of pity towards Marshall, mixed with disappointment towards his mother. How in the world could any parent do that to a child? But I also feel deep resonance. I can’t judge anyone. I know what it’s like to be on either side of a broken relationship. I know what it’s like to feel wronged, and I also know what it’s like to be the one who did the wrong. And before you judge me, if you search your heart along with your resume of relationships, chances are we all know what it’s like to both be disappointed by people, and to disappoint others. The reason for this is a little three letter word with “I” right in the middle of it called, sin. Sin is never just personal- it’s not just something that impacts me- it’s profoundly relational. When Adam and Eve sinned, they hid from God and from each other. When David committed adultery, he not only damaged Bathsheba’s marriage, but their child died, and the nation of Israel as a whole suffered. The message is clear- sin is never just personal, it’s profoundly relational. What this means is because we are all sinners we will all know the great frustration of broken relationships. 

Someone’s here today and you’re on the outs with an in-law. Someone else your relational issue is with a parent who maybe walked out on you, or deeply disappointed you. Someone else, it's your marriage. I mean it took everything in you just to make it to church today because you’re just in one of those seasons. Maybe it’s a kid you’re estranged from, a former business partner who stabbed you in the back, an ex you share a child with who goes out of their way to slander you. And let’s be really honest, because right now there’s plenty of us who are on the other side of the table- people who haven’t just been wronged, but people who have done the wrong. We’re the ones who gossiped or slandered. We are the ones who broke the promise. We are the ones who cheated. What are we to do? Our passage offers clear, powerful and practical wisdom in how to repair broken relationships. 

The Work of Reconciliation- Matthew 5:24

Our text is all about reconciliation. We see this in verse 24, when Jesus says, “First be reconciled to your brother”. Matthew is writing Jesus’ words in Greek, and the Greek word for “be reconciled,” is what we would call an imperative, which is a command. Jesus is not recommending reconciliation. He is not suggesting reconciliation. He’s not asking us how we feel about reconciliation. He is commanding us to do the work of reconciliation. Why is it so important that Christians do the work of reconciliation, the work of fixing broken relationships? Because the clearest witness of what we truly believe about the gospel is seen in how we treat people who have mistreated us. The very message of the cross is reconciliation. Paul points this out when he says, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation”- 2 Corinthians 5:18-19. The very message of the gospel is this: We were hostile towards God. Our relationship with God was broken. God sent his only Son to do the work of reconciliation on the cross. And to this day Christ is still reconciling sinners to himself. And to be a Christian means we do the work of repairing broken relationships. We are people who reconcile. 

Unrighteous Anger- Matthew 5:21-22

But what happened to the relationship to where reconciliation is now necessary. Jesus says that what happened was anger. Look at verses 21-22. Jesus begins by reminding his Jewish audience that one of the 10 commandments is the prohibition to murder. We all understand what murder is- it is to literally and physically take another person’s life. We get that. But in words which shocked his audience Jesus asserts his authority by saying, “But I say to you”. With these words Jesus is putting himself on par with,  and even beyond the law. Notice what he does. He moves from the physical act of murder, to the desire which fuels murder which is anger. In other words, he moves from the hands to the heart. He puts anger on par with murder. Now is anger in itself wrong? No. God gets angry. Jesus when he cleanses the temple is angry. Paul actually says that in our anger we are not to sin, which more than implies it’s possible to be angry and not sin. Any therapist will tell you that anger is actually helpful because it shows you what you care about. So what’s the big deal here? Notice what Jesus does. He moves from anger to insults to calling people fools. The issue here isn’t anger, but the unrighteous expression of anger. And that’s our issue today.

Broadly speaking there’s two kinds of bad ways we express anger. One is what I call the  aggressive face of anger. My wife and I have a friend who struggles with this. Some years ago she was trying to merge onto the freeway when the person next to her would not let her get on and almost ran her off the road. Her anger spiked and she sped up next to her on the freeway and motioned for her to roll down her window. The woman did, and our friend took a fistfull of coins and chucked it at her…on the freeway! This is not the way to deal with anger! And that’s some of you. Yelling, screaming, cursing, slamming doors, fighting, calling names. This is not the way of Jesus.

My guess is most of us in this room are way too cool to let someone know they got under our skin. Many of us have a passive face to anger…we are silent assassins. Someone does something to us we don’t like, no problem. We won’t curse or yell or throw coins at you. We’ll just get busy all of a sudden. Stop returning your calls or texts. Stop inviting you over. This is unresolved anger just displayed differently. And what does Jesus say about both faces of anger? He calls them murder. Why? Because both displays kill the relationship. When we refuse to attempt to do the work of reconciliation, we are accomplices to the crime and sin of murder. 

Why should I do the work of reconciliation? Matthew 5:23-26

Okay Bryan, but you don’t really understand what this person did to me, how they’ve hurt me (I want to be careful here, I do believe that in cases of abuse, where we are still obligated to forgive, reconciliation is off the table. But in the vast majority of instances, we still must try to reconcile.). Why should I do the work of reconciliation? Jesus actually gives us two reasons. Notice what he does in verse 23. He’s picturing a person who is in worship. They are about to present their gift (probably an animal sacrifice) to the priest when they remember someone has something against them. Jesus says they are to leave their gift at the altar and go be reconciled with their brother first. Do you see what he’s saying? Stop your worship of God when you are not right relationally with others. Jesus is saying when I am not right with others, I am not right with God. This principle is all throughout the Bible. I Peter 3 says husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way so their prayers would not be hindered. John says how can we claim to love God whom we don’t see while we hate our brothers who we do see. Jesus taught in Matthew 18 that a failure to forgive will land us in hell. He’s not saying we need to forgive to get into heaven, but he is saying the way we know heaven has gotten into us is we forgive. So why should I do the work of reconciliation with others? Because it will lay the groundwork for me to experience a flourishing relationship with God. 

But there’s another reason we should do the work of reconciliation. It frees us. Notice how Jesus ends our passage. He says we are to come to terms quickly with our accuser, and if we don’t we will end up in prison where we will never get out. Of course Jesus is not being literal, he’s being figurative. But don’t miss his principle: A failure to reconcile in some way shape or form, inhibits not just my relationship with God, but it inhibits me. 

Heart Visual. I hold in my hand a heart. Someone does something to me I don’t like. I trusted a person and they wronged me, and something in me says never again, so I put the heart in the bag. And now people can only get so close to me. I hold people at bay. Whose bound? See the loss of freedom? Look at what CSL says, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable”- CS Lewis, The Four Loves. You want freedom? Do the hard work of reconciliation. 

How to reconcile? Look Upward- Matthew 5:17-20

As scary as reconciliation is, Bryan, I want to do it, but how? How do I reconcile? Our text gives us three critical things which go into the work of reconciliation, and the first is we have to look upward. One of the mistakes we make is to disconnect Matthew 5:21-26 from the previous verses in 17-20; they go together. Notice what Jesus is dealing with in 17-20. Do you see it? He’s calling our attention to the truth of Scripture. He’s calling us to look outside of ourselves to the Word of God. Jesus is calling us to look upward, and this is everything when we talk about reconciliation. One of the main reasons we never do the work of reconciliation is we never look beyond ourselves. Or to say it another way, sociologist’s have described our culture as the age of expressive individualism. What this means is one of the messages we are getting bombarded with every day is to look to yourself as the final authority of truth. That’s exactly why we have the phrase my truth. I hate that phrase. Say, “my perspective,” or, “my opinion,” don’t say, “my truth.” 

Imagine you get pulled over by a police officer for going 55 in a 35. The officer comes up to you, tells you to roll down your window, and right as he starts to write the ticket you say, “Excuse me officer, I’d like to share with you my truth.” Well, that’s not going to help one bit. You will still get the ticket, because you broke the objective standard outside of yourself. I mean, can you imagine living in a country where all of us get to decide how fast we want to drive, and there’s no standard outside of ourselves? That’s chaos. And in the same way, when we go down the road of “my truth,” not only is there relational chaos, but we will never do the work of reconciliation…it’s impossible. Someone hurts you and my truth says as a first resort to set up a boundary. You’ve offended someone, my truth says to not make it a big deal or even say anything unless they come to me first. The pastor said or did something I don’t like, and my truth says to just slip out the backdoor, leave and never come back. My truth works against reconciliation. 

On my finger is my wedding ring. It’s in a circle symbolizing the covenant of marriage Korie and I entered into with one another some 25 years ago. You know why we are still married? Because we both do the work of looking upward to the truth of God’s Word and submitting to that standard. Why do we apologize to one another? Because the Word says so. Why do we forgive one another? Because the Word says so. Why do we work on being patient with one another? Because the Word says so. It’s not ultimately about how we feel, but about the truth of Scripture.

How to reconcile? Look outward- Matthew 5:23

But not only do we need to look upward to do the work of reconciliation, we also need to look outward. Look at verse 23. See the familial language. He calls the one we are at odds with family, not friends, family, and this is critical to the work of reconciliation. When we are born we don’t get to choose who we are related to, who our family is. I mean tell the truth- if you all didn’t share DNA you wouldn’t speak. See, with family we don’t really get a chance to avoid them (though this is changing sadly). Family is unlike any other relationship. We are in a relationship with our boss as long as we produce. We maintain that friendship as long as they continue to bring something to the table. None of this is true with family. There’s something binding with family that straps us in and compels us to work it out. 

My dad had a sister, my aunt Elaina. Growing up I caught on quickly that dad was frustrated with her. Every month it seemed she would call my dad and ask for money to pay the rent. Dad would fuss and give it to her. One time I asked why dad always gave her money? He responded, “What am I going to do, let them put her out on the street? She’s my sister.” Well, she died about 20 years ago, and at the funeral I remember my dad standing by her casket laughing and crying and laughing and crying- a strange sight. I said, “Dad, what in the world? What’s wrong?” Dad said, “Well, she got me again! Who do you think is paying for this?”

Now, I know there’s a lot of unhealth here, but don’t miss the principle. There was a level of patience and commitment that was exponentially higher because she was family, and I think that’s missing in the church today. The problem with the body of Christ is we relate to each other as friends, and not family. It’s far easier to drop you and not do the work of reconciliation if I only see you as a friend, than if I saw you as family. The person who lied to you is family. The person you gossiped about is family. The person who mistreated you is family. And when I see them this way I am far better positioned to do the work of reconciliation. 

How to reconcile? Look inward- Matthew 5:20

But there’s something else that’s critical to reconciliation- we must look inward to the gospel. By far, the scariest verse in all of the Sermon on the Mount is found in verse 20. If you are a Jew in the audience as Jesus says these words, your heart has just dropped to your knees, because the Pharisees were seen as THE standard for righteousness. Here were people who memorized the first five books of the bible, known then as the Law. They gave around 20% of their income to God. They prayed the Shema 18 times a day, were in the Temple all the time, so how in the world can our righteousness exceed theirs? Only one way. See theirs was a righteousness of actions, of the hands, the gospel is a righteousness of the heart. Theirs was a righteousness of actions, while the gospel is one of affections. One commentator says it this way: “Jesus calls his disciples to a different kind of quality of righteousness than that of the scribes and Pharisees. They took pride in outward conformity to many extra biblical regulations but still had impure hearts. But kingdom righteousness works from the inside out because it first produces changed hearts and new motivations, so that the actual conduct of Jesus’ followers does in fact, ‘exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees’”- ESV Study Bible. This is why in Ezekiel God promised that the new covenant he would give people a heart of flesh in exchange for their heart of stone. The law stops at behavior, it stops on the outside. The gospel changes us from the inside out. And with our new heart comes new desires which push us to reconcile.

 You’re looking at Elwin Wilson and John Lewis. In 1961, Elwin was a member of the KKK who brutally beat John Lewis who was a freedom rider looking to integrate bus terminals in the south. It was brutal. John Lewis was a Christian, Elwin was not. Years later, Elwin received a heart of flesh- he became a follower of Jesus. Soon thereafter he reached out to John Lewis and did the unthinkable- he asked for forgiveness. Because John Lewis had a heart of flesh as well, he forgave, and the two spent the last few years of Elwin’s life speaking about the need for reconciliation. It was only when they looked inward to the gospel that could happen. 

Prayer for reconciliation. Have people stand. Has the gospel taken root.

I Am the Good Shepherd | John 10:10-21

Jim was feeling uneasy about life in San Francisco. He was a pastor of a growing church, and you would think that would be enough. But it wasn’t. He was feeling more and more controlled by the local government, and coming under intense scrutiny from the media. So he and most of the members of his church set out for a better, more free and autonomous life…thousands of miles away in Guyana. He built a compound there called Jonestown. It was here where he just knew the life he and his followers wanted would come into existence. It did not. The scrutiny grew more intense, with the United States government sending officials to inspect what was going on. Unable to deal with the pressure, and deeply disappointed, Jim Jones talked his followers into killing themselves. On 11/18/78, over 900 people died in a murder-suicide. At least 300 of them were children. 

Felt Need

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Those foolish people. How in the world could they leave their homes, go all the way to Guyana, and follow this man, who lead them to their deaths?” That’s too easy, when in fact we are more like them than we’d like to admit. All of us are in search of a better life, convinced the way things are, are not the way they should be. This sense of more is deeply ingrained in us, something we feel even as children, which is why we are drawn to fairy tales. These stories have us wishing the kids go through the wardrobe,or fall down the rabbit hole or rub the lamp, because it will introduce us to a new reality, another world. There’s this longing for more. And this longing doesn’t go away. Which is why we’ll never be content with multiple homes, or the dream cars, or the closet full of clothes. No, we haven’t followed a cult leader to Guyana, but we are in search of our own “Jonestown.”

Jesus taps into this longing in our passage, and actually tells us it’s a good thing. Look again at what he says in verse 10, because it is the heart of the passage, “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly”- John 10:10. You know what he’s saying? You’re right, this life will never satisfy you. Your longing for more is exactly the right ache. And I am the wardrobe, the rabbit hole, the lamp- not to fulfill your earthly desires, but your eternal desires. Now what follows in the rest of our passage is the crucial question of who is leading you on your journey. Jesus presents himself to us as the Good Shepherd, which in context means, he is the one who is inviting us to follow him along the journey into the abundant life. 

We are all on a journey. Jesus points to this in Matthew 7 where he says there are two paths, or two journey’s all of us are taking right now. One is the broad path, which Jesus says leads to destruction. The other is the narrow path, which Jesus says leads to life..the abundant life. The critical question we have to answer today is who is leading us? We are all being shepherded by someone or something right now. Spouse. Some of us think if I could just find the right person and get married, they will lead me to the life I’ve always wanted. That’s the wardrobe. It’s the stuff of hallmark cards and RomCom’s: “You complete me. I can’t breathe without you.” You know what the most freeing day in marriage is? It’s when you figure out neither you, nor your spouse has the capacity to do that. Parents. Parents are absolutely critical in laying the foundation for life. As kids we looked to our parents to shepherd us into this abundant life, and for a while they appeared to be doing that. And then we went through a period of deep disillusionment, as they fell from being heroes to humans. You know what the most freeing day as your parents' child is? It’s when you realize they did their best (in a lot of cases), but couldn’t give me what I longed for because they were flawed, broken sinners. Self. And then there’s me. Who here hasn’t sought to be shepherded by themselves into the life they’ve always wanted, only to know the frustration of not even coming close? At the height of her powers, the singer Madonna gave an interview in which she said, “My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless I do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it never will”- Madonna, Vogue Magazine. See the frustration?

Christ, The Good Shepherd- John 10:11

There is only one true shepherd who will lead you into a life of deep, eternal satisfaction, the life you’ve always wanted, and his name is Jesus. In verse 11, Jesus just comes out and says he is the good shepherd. Why? Because he lays down his life for the sheep. In fact, read the passage again, and you will see over and over, Jesus using this phrase of how he lays down his life. This is key to understanding what Jesus means when he says he is the good shepherd. In context good means an others directed way of life which seeks our best, even at great cost to Himself. Jesus is other’s directed. His focus is on us, not himself. This is the exact opposite of the hireling, who instead of caring for the sheep, cares for himself and money. Jesus, the good shepherd, is focused on our absolute best. Not our absolute happiness. Not our absolute comfort. Not our absolute safety, but our absolute best. And he does it at great cost to himself- he lays down his life, which he would do when he died for you and I. I don’t know about you, but this is leadership I want to follow. 

Blanche’s daughter was suffering from polio long before they had the vaccine. The local hospital wouldn’t take her, so she found one 50 miles away that would. Twice a week, Blanche would make the 100 mile round trip to the hospital and back to have her daughter treated, which was no easy feat, because Blanche was a maid. But sacrifice she did, even when her daughter hated to go, and didn’t want to do the physical therapy, Blanche made her. Little by little she began to walk, and then run. And boy did she run. She would go on to win 3 gold medals in track in the 1960 Olympic Games. None of that would have been possible without a good mother, who sacrificed herself, and sought the best in her daughter Wilma Rudolph. 

And that’s Jesus, our good shepherd. He sacrificed his life for us, and like Blanche, puts us in uncomfortable positions we may not want to be in, because he has our absolute best in mind. And along the way we experience life at its deepest most satisfying level. He is the Good Shepherd.

Jesus is the Good Shepherd, Because When We Have Made a Mess of Our Lives He Meets us with Empathy- Psalm 23:3.

Yes, but I’m still curious as to why Jesus would use this shepherding image to describe his leadership of us into the abundant life? What is it about shepherds and sheep? To help wrap our minds around the role Christ plays as our good shepherd, I want to draw our attention to some verses in Psalm 23, the popular passage on Christ being our shepherd. I don’t have time to deal with all of the descriptions David uses, but looking at a handful will not only give us a better picture, but will convince us Jesus is worthy of us following him.

One of the things shepherds were always on the lookout for is what is called a cast sheep (image here of a sheep helplessly on its back with feet in the air). This happens quite frequently when a sheep turns over on its back and cannot get up. It’s in a very vulnerable position, and if it is not turned over soon it will experience loss of blood circulation and die, not to mention it is particularly vulnerable to predators. When the shepherd finds this sheep in its helpless condition it gently turns it over, rubs its limbs to restore circulation. One shepherd says, “All the time I worked on the cast sheep I would talk to it gently: ‘When are you going to learn to stand on your own feet? I’m so glad I found you in time- you rascal’”- Phillip Keller. Notice, that when this sheep has made a mess of itself, the shepherd doesn’t meet it with judgment but empathy. 

Ever found yourself in a cast position? Ever made a mess of your life, and gotten into a situation through your own poor choices that you didn’t know how to get out of? Peter did, when he denied Jesus three times. And how does Christ the good shepherd deal with him? Have you not read John 20? He cooks him breakfast! He meets him with empathy. The writer of Hebrews says of Jesus that we can follow his leadership, and come to him boldly, because he can sympathize with our weaknesses. He meets our mess with empathy. And if this is really the case, then we followers of Jesus should meet other sheep of God’s flock who are in life’s cast position with empathy. Paul tells the Galatians, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness”- Galatians 6:1. 

Jesus is the Good Shepherd Because He Knows the Good Stuff is in the Hard Places- Psalm 23:4

In verse 4, David says something interesting about his shepherd, Jesus- he says even in the valley he won’t fear because he knows the LORD is with him. Wait a minute? How’d you get into this valley, which is a metaphor for a bad place? Following your shepherd. Did you get that? Sometimes, following Jesus will take us into some hard places. Why? Well, shepherds when they lead their flocks know that some of the best food and purist water is not on the mountain tops, but in the valley. So they will intentionally lead them into the valley because that’s where the best resources are. And so it is in life. You know this to be true. We’ve all gone through very hard things in which we’ve said, “Never want to go through that again, but so thankful I did.” Why? Because you got some great food in that hard place. Jesus knows the good stuff is in hard places.

C.S. Lewis wrote two books on pain. The first one was a good book. The second one was a great book. What’s the difference? The first one CSL wrote as an outsider looking in. The second one- A Grief Observed- he wrote as an insider, as he watched his wife suffer and die of cancer. Or to say it another way, he wrote the first one from the mountaintop and the second one from the valley. CSL would say the best food and water is in the valley. Solomon said in Ecclesiastes that it’s better to go to a house of mourning than the house of feasting. In essence he’s saying, we learn way more from a hospital room, job termination and struggle than we do from health, employment and prosperity. Jesus will oftentimes lead us into life’s valleys because that’s where the best food is. 

Jesus is the Good Shepherd Because He’s Already Been Where You Are Going- Psalm 23:5

When David says the LORD has prepared a table for him, I always thought that was like a table, table, you know? Nothing could be further from the truth. High plateaus of sheep ranges are referred to as mesas, which is the Spanish word for tables. This is what David had in mind- not what’s in your dining room, but the hard to reach high summer range. It’s this table where the shepherd will go in the early season. He will leave his flocks down below and go up to this mesa or table to inspect it. He will see if it is a good place for his flocks to graze. He will take with him a supply of salt and minerals to distribute over the range at strategic spots to kill any poisonous weeds the sheep may eat. And he will also try to see what predators are there and hunt them down before the sheep get there. He’s preparing the table. So that by the time the sheep get there everything is ready because their shepherd has already been there, setting everything up. 

There’s no season in your life Jesus hasn’t already been setting everything up. We see this in the bible when Jesus tells Peter, Satan wants to sift him as wheat, but don’t worry, He has already prayed for Peter. It’s Jesus’ way of saying, “Peter, you’re about to go through something hard, but no problem, I’ve already been there working it out.” 

Wait a minute. How is this possible? No way Jesus can be with me, and ahead of me all at the same time. Yes he can. Our family lived in NYC where the famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade happens. The streets are lined with spectators who see it linear, one float at a time. But above them is a blimp, who sees and interacts with the parade all at once. The blimp is at the front, middle and back all at once. That’s Jesus. We are the people trapped in time who take in the events of life one moment at a time. Jesus is in the blimp able to be with us and ahead of us all at once. This news should comfort us. I love what the psalmist says, “For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD”- Psalm 112:6-7. How can this be? Because they know the good shepherd has gone before them, preparing a table for them. 

Jesus is the Good Shepherd Because He Protects Me- Psalm 23:5

Shepherd’s have a saying, “Summertime is fly time.” Sheep are particularly troubled by a species of fly called the nose or naval fly. These flies will buzz around the sheep's head looking to deposit their eggs in the damp mucous of their nose. If they are successful the eggs will hatch in a few days and form larvae which work their way up the nasal passage in the sheep’s head, burrowing into the flesh and causing intense irritation and severe inflammation. To get relief the sheep go crazy, banging their heads against trees, rocks, posts or brush, which can lead to permanent damage, even death. To keep this from happening, the first time a shepherd sees these flies he will put an ointment together and anoint the sheep’s head with oil, smearing it all over their faces thus keeping the flies away, and the sheep at peace. This is a process they will repeat over and over again.

Who here hasn’t found themselves filled with worry and anxiety by life’s “nasal flies”? The rebellious kid. The controlling in-law. The self absorbed roommate. The health problem that won’t go away and seems as if the doctors will never find a diagnosis for. All of these and more are nothing but life’s irritants driving us crazy, filling us with worry, and wanting to cause us to bang our heads on the wall. But David says the good shepherd will anoint our head with oil. Did you know oil in the bible is often used as a symbol for the Holy Spirit? In Galatians 5, Paul says one of the signs we have been anointed with the HS is we have peace. So that when Christ, the good shepherd, anoints our heads with oil, he gives us peace- a peace which passes all understanding, even our own. 

Jesus is the Good Shepherd Because He Leaves Me Better than He Found Me- Psalm 23:6

Finally, David says that following our Shepherd will lead to goodness and mercy following us all of the days of our lives. Sheep are known to be the most destructive livestock around. When it’s time to leave a field they’ve been grazing in, it's completely wrecked. The hireling will just move right along, paying no mind to the damage done. Not a good shepherd. What the shepherd will do is take the manure of the sheep- which is some of the most nutrient rich around- and scatter it all over the field, so the grass is even more lush for the next flock. In other words, a good shepherd leaves the field better than he found it. Goodness and mercy follow this shepherd. 

If you own a home you know this principle of leaving things better than you found it. A good homeowner is constantly repairing, remodeling and updating so when they do finally sell the home, it is much better than what they found it. Do you know as a husband I have one goal: I want my wife to be able to say she’s a better woman, flourishing in her life because of my active presence and leadership. I want Korie to be better than when I first met her. And that’s what Christ does to us. One of the ways you know you are really a follower of our good shepherd is your life has gotten qualitatively better since apprenticing to him. And another way you know you are following our good shepherds is you leave people and things better than what you found them. Your neighborhood or apartment complex should be better because you, Christ follower, were there. Your job should be better because you were there. Your relationships should be better, because everywhere you go, goodness and mercy follow you.

Gospel Conclusion

Now you would think this is the kind of leadership we would want (summarize points), but the way our text ends, not everyone wants Christ the good shepherd. Our passage ends by saying there was a division (Greek word for schism), with some saying Jesus has a demon and is not the good shepherd, and others open to the possibility that he is. And that’s how it ends! Why? Because I think we are left with the question to answer for ourselves. Will he be our good shepherd? Will we allow Jesus, and no one else, not even ourselves, to shepherd us into the abundant life? But what does that mean? The reason why there were many who said Jesus was demonic is because in Psalm 23:1, David said it was the LORD who was his shepherd. Jesus now says he is the good shepherd, which is his way of saying he is God, which lead them to say he has a demon. Don’t you see? Jesus is saying I’ll never be your shepherd unless I am first your LORD. Is he your LORD today?

The Shoes of Christianity | James 1:19-27

When our kids turned 12, for their birthday gift I gave them a copy of the Autobiography of Malcolm X, and told them I wanted them to read all 400+ pages, and then write me a five page paper contrasting Malcolm’s ideology with the gospel. Now, as you can imagine, when they heard this they were quick to give me a big bear hug, kiss me on the cheek and say, “Oh, thank you father! This is the best birthday gift a 12 year old could ever ask for!” Said none of them ever! But seriously, after some arm twisting, they would do it and we would sit down and talk, and inevitably we would get to how Malcolm recruited many of his followers away from the church, and into the Nation of Islam. What he would do is, Malcolm would stand outside the doors of some prominent church just as the service was ending, and would yell at the top of his lungs, “Yall have been in church for three hours, singing and hearing about Jesus, and meanwhile nothing has changed in your community! What difference has your Jesus made in your day to day life?” That really is the question isn’t it? What difference has your Jesus made in your day to day life?

Historical Context

And this is the question James entertains when he sits down to write his letter. James is an intensely practical book where he is constantly pressing into the question of what difference should Jesus make in our day to day lives? And this is why I think the book of James is particularly relevant in our current cultural moment. We live in a culture where people are looking for something intensely practical. They want something that works. People today want to know what does our faith have to say about the marginalized? What does our faith have to say about the oppressed? Does our faith speak to those who are suffering, and should it ever critique those who are greedy or misuse their power? All these questions and more, James responds with a resounding YES! Christianity says something to all of the situations of life, many of which he deals with in this letter. Or to say it another way, while all Scripture is profitable and applicable, James particularly focuses on one aspect of the believers anatomy- our feet. He is putting shoe leather to our faith, and showing us how to walk these truths out in the varied situations of life.

And when we come to our text, James, in his typically intense practical way, shows us three questions Christianity addresses: 1. How do I deal with people who have offended me? 2. How do I respond to the Word when it exposes me? 3. How do I relate to people who can never repay me? 

How Do I Deal With People Who Have Offended Me? James 1:19-21

As our text opens up James talks about the issue of anger, and he gives detailed instructions on what to do when you find yourself angry. Anger of course happens when a person is offended. And James doesn’t give us any details when it comes to what initiated the offense and sparked the anger. In fact, it feels as if James mentions this so casually he is assuming a universal truth and that is at various points we will find ourselves offended by something from someone. When this happens our anger is triggered. The Greek word here is orge, and it’s pretty straightforward in that it means a feeling of intense emotion. That then leads to the question is anger, or orge bad? Yes and no. Writing to the Ephesians and the Colossians, Paul tells them to put anger away. But earlier he would say to the Ephesians, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger”- Ephesians 4:26. Interesting, but here Paul is clear, that there is a way to be angry that is not sinful. James corroborates this in our text. Notice two things. First, James does not say don’t get angry, but be slow to anger. But then he talks about the anger of man, which is a negative kind of anger that does not produce the righteousness of God. The implications is there is another, good kind of anger. James is in agreement with Paul, there is a way to be angry that is not sinful. 

It’s sort of like for those of you who have firepits. Orge is the fire, and boy is it a great thing when it is controlled within the boundaries of some sort of container. A fire walled off by stone is life-giving, and an amazing time. But boundary-less fire is bad, causing damage to everything around it, even human life.. The difference between the two can be summed up in the word boundary, or control.

Unrighteous Anger

Anger without boundaries, as we all know can be very destructive. In fact, in Matthew 5, Jesus says unrighteous, unfettered anger, kills: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment”- Matthew 5:21-22a. Do you see what Jesus did there? He is connecting unrighteous, unfettered anger to murder. Now some of you have an image in your mind. You’re thinking of someone who has a violent outburst. Or maybe you’re thinking of that precious three year old who screams and throws themselves out on the floor, I’m thinking of the time I had my sons who were very little with me at a sporting goods store in Memphis, where we watched a kid who looked about 9, kick his father in the hind parts because his dad didn’t buy him what he wanted. My kids were shocked and looked at me as if to say, “Is that permissible?” I looked back at them as if to say, “I wish you would.” But there’s another face to this murderous kind of anger, it’s what I call the silent assassin face. A lot of us here are way too cool to pop off and erupt. Instead, when we are offended something in our spirits say, “Okay,” and we head for the exit. The result is the same- the relationship is killed.. 

Righteous Anger

On the flip side is healthy, or righteous anger. I know, I know. Some of you are saying, wait a minute, Bryan, are you saying anger can be a good thing? Absolutely. We see this with God. There’s no way you can read the Bible without seeing God get angry. In fact, theologians say anger is an attribute, a characteristic of God. Ephesians 2 says that God was angry with all of us because of our sins. God didn’t just stew in anger, he actually did something about it. God dealt with both his anger and the problem of sin, by giving Jesus Christ, his only son, to die on the cross for our sins. In fact, I John 2 says that it was the death of Jesus which became the propitiation for our sins. You know what that means? God’s wrath, his anger, was satisfied because of the death of Jesus, and now you and I can have a relationship with him, and experience eternal life now. God’s anger towards us worked itself out in a righteous outcome. That’s good anger. And in the same way, we look like God, when we are angry, but use our anger to resolve issues and draw closer to one another in relationship. 

Steps to Life-Giving Anger

If we are going to turn from unrighteous anger to righteous, godly  anger, we are going to have to take James’ words to heart. Instead of killing the relationship with a violent outburst, or playing the role of a silent assassin who just ghosts people, James says we are going to have to deal with our anger by having a conversation. This is what he means when he says we are to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. These three phrases all assume one thing- interaction between the offender and the offended, in an effort to bring resolution and healing to the relationship. What’s more is that we are going to have to keep our anger in control.

Last week Pastor JD used a Coming to America illustration, and since we are big on ethnic unity, let me bring some balance to that by using a NASCAR illustration. NASCAR is made up of vehicles that can flat out fly. The speeds at which they go are not only exhilarating, but can be scary. You may be surprised to know these cars never go as fast as they can. Out of concern for the safety of others, these cars have restrictor plates which limit their power and speed. As followers of Jesus Christ we have the Holy Spirit, and one of his roles in our life is to play the part of a restrictor plate, which is why one of the attributes of the HS is self control. When we feel orge rising it’s always good to call a timeout and ask the HS to be in control. 

Gentleness. Finally, James says in this section on anger that we are to be meek, which is the idea of gentle, another fruit of the HS. Now I want you to think with me of the things you are gentle with in your life, and I guarantee you all of them have one thing in common- what you deem to be valuable. You know the difference between a murderer and a doctor? Gentleness. Both hold sharp objects. One wields theirs to kill, the other to heal. And one values life while the other takes life. The person who offended you is made in the image of God, loved by God as much as God loves you. Be careful with your anger, and use it to give life, not diminish life. 

How Do I Respond to the Bible When it Exposes Me? James 1:22-25

Christianity has something to say about how we deal with people who have offended us, but it also has something to say as it relates to how we view and respond to the Bible. Now to those of you who either wouldn’t call yourselves followers of Jesus Christ, or are brand new to the faith, maybe you have an impression of the Bible that it is full of rules, and is therefore restrictive.  So when you see James referring to the Bible in verse 25 as the perfect law/law of liberty, your suspicions on one level seem to be confirmed, because the idea of law conjures up a whole bunch of rules, which would seem to suck the life out of the faith. But according to James, nothing could be further from the truth. Notice he refers to the Bible as the “law of liberty”. Of course we know that liberty is the idea of freedom. And many of you are confused because we think of freedom as the absence of restrictions, but the law seems to be the idea of restrictions making this phrase appear to be an oxymoron- law of liberty?  Freedom is not the absence of restrictions, but rather freedom is actually the ability to function at your highest or fullest God ordained capacity. Writing to the Galatians, Paul tells them, “For freedom Christ has set us free”- Galatians 5:1. And we know Paul does not mean they get to do whatever they want, but rather, Christ came so that they would live at their highest and fullest capacity.

It’s sort of like our cars. Now there’s things we do to our cars that we don’t like- like changing the oil, constantly putting gas in them. We might call these things laws. And yeh, you may shrug your shoulders and say that’s too restrictive so I’ll never do those things. Well, I can tell you that car will never be free- it will never function at its highest or fullest capacity. Or a fish may go, I’m tired of all this water, I want to live on land. The water is too restrictive. Well, go ahead and do you, but that fish will die. It’s the great irony of life- boundaries are the key to freedom, to functioning at our highest and fullest capacity. And so it is in the Christian life. The Word of God has much to say about our finances, how we steward sex and marriage, our time, our bodies, and every other area of life, but these laws are not meant to restrict us, but to unleash us. 

It’s from this point that everything else falls into place. Because the Bible has been gifted to the follower of Jesus Christ to make us the most free people on the planet, James says I want you to be a doer of it, and not just a hearer. To hear God’s Word without doing God’s Word is like chewing food without swallowing- it may taste good, but it has no long term benefit. And it is because the Bible has been gifted to us to free us, that we are to respond, James says, by looking intently into the mirror of the Word.

I love the imagery here. A mirror is simply an instrument which reveals reality. Because of this we don’t argue with mirrors. We don’t shake our heads and question mirrors. Instead we respond to mirrors by making corrections. That’s why James says that we are to look intently into the mirror of God’s Word. Back then mirrors didn’t use glass at all—only highly polished metal. In other words, their mirrors were not as clear as ours, so a person had to really look to see what was going on- they had to look intently. 

For a long time my wife was really frustrated with me because every morning I would stand in front of the mirror, leave without addressing a long piece of hair that stood out in my eyebrows. I saw it, but just didn’t think it was a big deal. Well, a year or so later I’m preaching out of town, get done and am shaking hands in the lobby. While talking to this one guy I noticed he wasn’t looking me in my eyes, but just above my eyes. So weird. All of a sudden he yanks this long eyebrow hair out, which hurt like nobody’s business. I wanted to punch this guy in his nose. When I told  my deeply sympathetic wife what happened she was dying laughing and said that’s what you get. Failing to respond to the truth of the mirror brough consequences down the road. 

Every Sunday, Pastor JD, myself or Pastor Curtis hold up the Word of God as a mirror and we say in so many words, LOOK! What this means is from time to time you will not like what you see and get offended. Let me offer you some practical advice. Done right, the perfect mirror of God’s Word WILL offend you. Offense is inevitable. When this happens, don’t rush to send us an email. Instead, take a 72 hour timeout and wrestle with why are you offended? Was it us, or the Word? Sometimes it’s us, and we do need to apologize because we could have said it better or different. But sometimes it’s just the Word. 

How Do I Relate to People Who Can Never Repay Me? James 1:26-27

James ends by telling us that pure and undefiled religion involves visiting orphans and widows and keeping oneself unstained by the world, or to say it another way it involves acts of justice and holiness. I love this, because most liberal churches leap at advocating for orphans and widows, but have little to say about personal piety, while historically conservative churches have had a lot to say about personal piety, but not a whole lot to say comprehensively about justice. Pure Christianity speaks to both.

Some years ago I was reading through the bible in a year and I was struck by how many verses dealt with the widow, poor, immigrant and orphan. Did you know there are over 2,350 verses that show God’s heart for the widow, the poor, immigrant and orphan? I read verses like Proverbs 19:17: “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will repay him for his deed”. I read passages like Jesus’ last sermon prior to the cross in Matthew 25 where he says that whatever we do for the least of these we do for him. And as if that’s not enough, in the same sermon he said that the failure to engage the least of these would result in us going to hell. No, Jesus wasn’t preaching works salvation. He wasn’t saying give to the poor so you’ll get into heaven. Instead, Jesus was saying the way we know heaven has gotten into us is we give to the poor. 

At the same time I’m reading about a 25 year old guy named William Wilberforce who was a follower of Jesus Christ serving in parliament of the UK back in the 1700s. Fueled by his faith he announced in a six hour speech that his great cause would be the abolition of the slave trade. He had a community of Jesus loving friends who decided to give up sugar, because most of the slaves worked the sugar plantations, so they said they won’t eat sugar until the trade was abolished. And sure enough this is what happened. 

And then in the midst of all this I was looking at my own life. Yeh, sure I was tithing, but could I really say my life was deeply invested in advocating for the least of these, for people like widows and orphans? I couldn’t. No, I wasn’t greedy by American standards, but is America really the standard? No, the kingdom of God and this book is. So how was my faith relating to people who could never pay me back? That’s a question I continue to ask to this day. Now I’m not going to get down into the weeds, but as we close there were two things along these lines which just rattled me. “When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the LORD your God”- Leviticus 19:9-10. Notice God’s care for the poor did not ultimately rest on a government program, but on the people themselves. They were to leave margins in their field for the poor to come and glean. This is, by the way, how Boaz meets Ruth. I know this is OT, but the principle is that of margin. Korie and I came to the conclusion that there was no way we could ever live into the fullness of James 1:26-27 unless we left margin “in our fields”.

John Wesley was rocked by this same principle. As a college student at Oxford he asked how much did he need to live off for the year. He did some calculations and came up with 28 pounds (this was too the 1700s). Anything he made over that he would give away. At the end of that year he made 30 pounds, lived off the 28 and gave the other 2 away. He said he would do that for the rest of his life. 28 pounds was enough for him. One year he made like 1500 pounds through the sale of his books, but he lived off the 28 and gave the other 1,472 away. He had settled the question of enough. Wesley and the Scriptures show us that we will never advocate for the poor and least of these until we do the very un-American thing of settling the question of enough. And I can’t determine that for you, and you can’t determine that for me. But let’s let the mirror of God’s Word wrestle with us.

Gospel Conclusion

And of course what fuels our generosity is Christ’s generosity towards us. You and I had the most intense kind of need there is- spiritual. But Christ, Paul says, though he was rich, yet for our sakes he became poor, so that we by his poverty might become rich. 

Disobedient God: Faith in Seasons of Disappointment

Disobedient God: Faith in Seasons of Disappointment

Exodus 32

No one could sing the blues like Ethel Waters, and I guess it’s because no one lived the blues like Ethel Waters. She was born into deplorable circumstances. Never knew her father. She never experienced love as a little girl, not even from her own family. She was never hugged or doted on as a child. And yet here she was every single Sunday in church, hearing about a loving God, and watching the very ones who were cruel to her sing about this loving God. At the age of 12, these same church members forced her into an arranged marriage. One year later, at 13, she left both the marriage and the church, vowing never to return. The cause of her exit can be summed up in one word- disappointment. 

If there’s a word that sums up our text this morning, it’s the word, disappointment. Here is Israel, having just escaped the clutches of Egypt at the hand of an amazing God. They’ve walked through the Red Sea, the bible says, on dry ground. I mean their Air Jeremiah’s (as Pastor JD referenced last week) never got dirty. And here they are in the middle of the wilderness, this strange place, and for the past 40 days, God and their leader Moses,  is nowhere to be found. This is exactly what our text points to in verse one when it says, “when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain…”. This verse is dripping with disappointment. They are left wondering of Moses and God, where are you? Did you leave us here to die? They are disappointed.

Connecting to the Culture

What exactly is disappointment? What do we mean when we use this word? Simply put, disappointment happens when my expectations are not aligned with my real-time experiences. You know you are in a season of disappointment when what you are experiencing is out of alignment with what you were expecting. Now this leads us to dig a little deeper and ask what do we expect from God? When we search the Scriptures and human experience, at its core, we all have two fundamental expectations of God. We may not have said this out loud, but here’s what we are expecting from God: 1. I expect that God would be reasonable with me. God will not be unfair. What this means is we expect good things will happen to good people who make good choices, and we expect bad things will happen to bad people who make bad choices. We see this with Jonah who is completely thrown off and bitter with God, because he has done a great thing- saving the Ninevites- to a group of people who are oppressing the Jews. Jonah throws a fit, because God is not being reasonable in his mind. This is the story of Job, whose friends are thrown off because Job has gone through the ringer, and they keep saying to him, “Come on Job, you can tell us, what did you do?” Because in their mind it is completely unreasonable of God to take Job’s money, kids and health who is the picture of righteousness. That’s unreasonable.

And it’s unreasonable to a young woman I know who loves Jesus, serves God faithfully, has a great job, with great money, is generous, and yet she can’t seem to shake the clinical depression she has. She can’t figure out why she’s depressed and no longer cares about life or God. Why in the world is she struggling with this, when she feels she’s been nothing but faithful? And that’s some of you: Trying to do the right thing, but you have cancer. Put your yes on the table, lost your job. And you’re under a cloud called disappointment because God seems unreasonable.

There’s a second expectation we all have: 2. I expect that God will be available to me. I mean this is right in our passage. Israel is in the wilderness and God and Moses are not available. Don’t they know how vulnerable they are, some are probably thinking? The Sons of Korah put voice to this kind of feeling when they cried out to God, “Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?”- Psalm 44:23-24. See what they are saying? God you’re hidden, I’m in need and you are not available to me. Ever been there?

I know of a college student, we will call him Richard. Years ago he came to faith through InterVarsity, and immediately life went south for him. His parents got divorced, he lost his job and scholarship. Later he would meet and fall in love with a beautiful Christian woman, only to have her break his heart by breaking off the engagement. Along the way he pleaded with God to save his parents' marriage. He begged God to get him back in school. He implored God to make the engagement work. Only to be met with silence time and time again. Finally, he prayed one night for four hours and heard nothing from God. When he was finished, in a weird way he felt relieved. He grabbed his bible, and all his theology books, put them in the backyard bbq grill, doused them with lighter fluid, lit a match and watched them go up in flames. He walked away saying he felt converted- converted from God. Disappointment had gotten the best of him. He had expectations, and God was being disobedient. And all of us have encountered this disobedient God who does not obey our expectations.

While Disappointment is Unavoidable, Our Reaction is Not- Exodus 32:1

Like Israel’s predicament, this sermon is a delicate and dangerous one. I grew up in a church where we did a testimony service where every Sunday I watched people talk about how amazing God is. And I used to think a lot of times, I don’t know that God. There were many Sunday’s where I was experiencing a less than amazing God, a pretty disappointing God. I guess what I’m reaching to say is that what the Scriptures show us, and what our text pulls us into is the reality that disappointment is unavoidable. A God who never lets you down is pure fiction. Disappointment is inevitable, and in fact, I want to actually show you, it’s a part of the plan. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The first thing we see here is that while disappointment is unavoidable, our reaction is not. Disappointment with God will trigger us in one of two directions. Look again with me at verse 1. See it? Here is Israel, not just any people, but God’s covenant people, and they are disappointed. God is not available to them, so they say to Moses’ brother Aaron, make us gods. So they make what our text calls a golden calf. It’s better translated as a young bull. In the ancient Near East, bulls were the picture of strength, leadership and fertility. This is important, because here they are in the middle of nowhere, wondering how they are going to survive? Where is their leader? It seems as if God and Moses have abandoned them. So let’s reach for something we can control since we can’t control them. Let’s make an idol. 

Nice story Bryan. I mean I’m a Durham Bulls fan, and have the paraphernalia around my house, but it ain’t this. I’m disappointed with God, but I’m not making little idols. Well, an idol is anything, even a good thing that becomes an ultimate thing. And one of the quickest ways to see our idols is in seasons of disappointment, because idols tend to be things we reach for to bring us comfort, even when we are not thinking about it. Just look at this text. All in the same verse is, “I’m disappointed because God is delayed, make me an idol”. Idols tend to be our reflex reactions when we are triggered by disappointment with God. And that’s where some of you are now. Are you kidding me, God? I’ve been a good boy, trying my best, and this is how you pay me. I might as well turn to porn, or hook up. Seriously, God, this is how you treat me? Let me turn to the bottle. Really, no promotion I was praying for? I might as well be like the other co-workers and cut corners to get to my idol of money or success. And what does God do? He sees what’s going on and tells Moses, we can’t move forward to the promised land until we first stop and deal with their idols. 

Ever had your house staged? It’s a really humbling experience, at least it was for me. When we were about to put our house on the market in California to move here the real estate agent did a walk through, sat us down and said, we are going to have to stage your house. I was like, what does that mean? In a very nice way she said, there’s stuff in your home that’s not appealing, that if we leave it here, we are concerned could actually be detrimental to the sale of your home for the desired price. I’m like, what are you talking about, this is California? Like our house could burn tonight and I’m pretty confident we’d get a cash offer. So we spent a good deal of money to get the undesirable stuff out, and get new stuff in, and it worked pretty well. In essence she said we can’t move forward without dealing with your stuff. And this is where disappointment can be a gift, because it surfaces our stuff/idols, and allows God to say we can’t move forward into the best of what I have for you, unless we stop and deal with the golden calves.

See Disappointment as an Opportunity to Exercise Faith: Exodus 32:8

When disappointed I can choose to worship my idols, or I can make another choice- faith, to actively trust God in the face of disappointment. Look at what God says in verse 8, “...they have turned aside”. See what God is saying? Israel is not walking by faith. God wants them to walk by faith even in seasons of disappointment. Did you know that the longest narratives in the bible center around two great themes- disappointment and faith? It’s Abraham and Sarah who were disappointed over their infertility journey, and even though they made some bad choices, they trusted God by faith, and received what was promised. It’s Joseph. Talk about being disappointed with God- betrayed by his brothers, lied on by Potiphar’s wife, forgotten about in jail, and yet he keeps leaning in by faith, saying to his brothers at the end while they meant it for evil, God meant it for good. It’s David, who spent 15 years running from Saul, fighting for his life, wondering where God was, and yet he kept walking by faith. It’s Job, who loses everything, and yet has the faith-filled audacity to say that though God should slay him, he will still trust him. And then there’s Israel. Like Abraham, Joseph, David and Job they faced disappointment, but unlike them they chose time and time again, idolatry over faith. What will you choose?

I told you last week I don’t like math. When I was in elementary school I wanted one of those big calculators on steroids, also known as Texas Instruments. If I had that, boy I’d ace everything, I’d get all the right answers. But my math teachers were annoying. They always demanded that we would show our work. Why wouldn’t they just be satisfied with me giving them the right answer? Because they knew what I secretly did, even as a kid: Growth happens in the process. Rushing to answers without stopping to go through the work, is not a recipe for growth.

So let me ask you something: If God was always reasonable with you? Do good things over here, get good results over here. Or do bad over here, and get bad over there? Where’s the faith? Or what if God is always available to you? Ask him for something and he gives it to you? Or ask him and he tells you no and here’s why? That’s not faith, that’s a vending machine. God is more committed to our growth than giving us the answers to our problems. Our problems are a part of our growth. God is more interested in growing our faith than fulfilling our expectations. This is what the writer of Hebrews was after when he said: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen…And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him”- Hebrews 11:1, 6. And how do we get to that faith? Albert Tate writes, “Strong faith comes from deep rejection, painful losses, doubt, discomfort and suffering”. 

I’m Not the Only One Who Gets Disappointed in this Relationship: Exodus 32:7-10

So, Israel chooses idols over faith and look at God’s response in verse ten. Everything is showing God’s disappointment. For example, God begins by saying to Moses, “your people''. This is funny to me because it’s like two parents looking at a child who does something crazy wrong, and the one spouse says to the other, “Now, that’s your child”. God goes on to call Israel stiff-necked. This is a farming metaphor where a horse or an ox refuses to respond to the pull of the rope, but only digs in, in resistance. We see Moses breaking the tablets. The tablets contained the guidelines for God’s relationship with Israel, so to break them is God saying, Israel has broken their relationship with me. All of this and more reveals a God who is disappointed with his people. And this is important for us, because we tend to think of disappointment only in terms of us, but God gets disappointed too, and for much better reasons- reasons rooted in his justice and goodness. 

I hope this is a safe place, but when Korie and I go to therapy, many times on the drive there I’ll think to myself, “Oh yeh, she’s going to hear it today. I’m going to tell the therapist that Korie did this, she didn’t do that, when she said that it was wrong.” Like I’m ready to unleash. Only to sit there and hear Korie’s disappointments, the things I’ve done and said that were hurtful and wrong. There’s just something about hearing another person’s disappointments about you, someone you love, that humbles and undoes you.

So let’s go back to those two expectations we have of God, but turn them on ourselves. We expect God to be reasonable. Have we always been reasonable with God? No we haven’t. We’ve broken his commands countless times. We’ve treated a holy God in profane ways. And we have not always been available to God. We don’t pray like we should. Worship like we should. Read our bibles like we should. We worship our idols. God gets disappointed with you and I.

Disappointment is All A Part of God’s Sovereign Plan: Exodus 32:7-14

So here is God ready to go off, and Moses intercedes on behalf of Israel. He calls God's attention to the fact that God had a bigger plan for israel. Moses reminds God that He saved Israel. And he reminds God of the covenant, the promise he made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob/Israel. By the way, this is what I call a “you said” prayer. You said prayers are times when you remind God of his promises. Ever made a you said prayer? See what Moses is doing? He is showing God, even in the midst of disappointment, that all of this is part of God’s big sovereign plan. 

When we talk about God’s sovereignty we are talking about him being in control- that God uses everything, the good and bad, the mountains and valleys, to accomplish his purposes in our lives. We see this in the book of Exodus. Moses, at a time when babies are being slaughtered, is rescued by Pharaoh’s daughter and adopted into her family. God unleashes ten plagues over the idols of Egypt. God delivers Israel in the Red Sea. God feeds them with daily bread. This is all about the sovereignty of God. Think about it- if God uses disappointment to strengthen our faith, then disappointment is a part of his sovereign plan. It’s our willful submission to his sovereignty that is everything.

When my boys were little I took them to the barbershop, where I had one of the best barbers in the city. However, when my kids left the barbers chair you would have thought they had their hair cuts by two different barbers- one the best barber in the city, and the other Stevie Wonder. The one kids haircut looked pristine. Line perfect. The other- not so much. They both sat in the same chair but had two different results. The reason? My son Myles sat still and did everything the barber told him to do. Q, not so much. He twisted and turned and resisted. Their haircuts did not reflect so much the skill of the barber, but their submission or lack thereof. Likewise, the quality of our lives is not so much about God, but our willingness to submit to his sovereignty even in seasons of disappointment. 

Gospel Conclusion:

One of the remarkable things about this story is even though Israel has not responded well to disappointment, and has chosen idols over faith, Moses intercedes on their behalf. He offers to make what the text calls atonement. He says to God, forgive them, don’t give up on them, don’t blot their name out of the book. Sound familiar? Here’s the thing: Moses said, “I’ll be their atonement. Take me instead of them.” But God didn’t do that. This story leaves us wondering if there ever WOULD be an atonement who could actually deal with this problem. Centuries later came a true and better Moses, his name his Jesus Christ, whom the bible says intercedes on our behalf. On the cross, the writer of Hebrews says, he made atonement for us once and for all—he didn’t just offer to die for us, like Moses; he actually died in our place. Our names are engraved on his hands, never to be removed. Friends, don’t you see? In the gospel, God not only meets our two deepest expectations, but goes beyond. The gospel is so reasonable it feels unreasonable. God says I’ll take your sin for my holiness, your transgressions for my righteousness. And when you fail me I’ll cover you with grace. Talk about available? God says I will never leave you or forsake you. My presence will be in you, in the person of my Holy Spirit. You may not always feel me, but I’m always there.

Remember Ethel Waters? Forty-nine years after leaving the church, and having gained all the success one could, she walked into a NYC auditorium where a tall lanky preacher from North Carolina, named Billy Graham was preaching the gospel. When the altar call was made she walked the aisle and rededicated her life to Christ. For the next 20 years you could find Ethel Waters on stage at Billy Graham crusades singing and sharing her testimony about the goodness of God. I don’t know all the details of how she fought through her disappointment, but she did, and in the end she found a peace that she never knew. Call to those in seasons of disappointment.

25 Guiding Principles for Ethnic Unity

Twenty-five years ago I began my journey in ethnic unity ministry. Over the years I have learned some valuable lessons. I thought I’d share twenty-five of them with you.

1. The journey into ethnic unity is best done relationally, and not ideologically. Learn to sit together over cups of coffee, instead of arguing with one another over concepts.

2. “White” is not a four letter word. 

3. Remember we are family.

4. We all speak out of both our experience and lack of experience.

5. Our story shapes how we see the Bible, so learn to do theology in community.

6. Proximity breeds empathy.

7. Hold tight what is essential.

8. Hold loosely what is not essential.

9. God doesn’t love me more than the one who hurt me.

10. I’m called to love the person, not win the argument.

11. Don’t stop at their sin, see their story.

12. Cancel culture is the language of dictatorship, not of a democracy, and most certainly not the language of the kingdom.

13. My identity is in Christ, not my oppression.

14. My identity is in Christ, not my historical advantage. 

15. Be formed by the Bible and not by the culture.

16. Wield truth like a scalpel to heal and not a knife to kill.

17. When uncomfortable around conversations/sermons on race, pray first and ask why, leaving room for the Holy Spirit to work.

18. People of other ethnicities and cultures are gifts to me to expose my biases, preferences and norms.

19. Racism is covered by the blood of Christ. If God forgives, so can I.

20. A person who refuses to repent is an abuser. Forgive and draw a boundary.

21. I’m not called to change anyone. I can’t even change myself. Therefore, I’m free to speak truth and love.

22. Filter your sociology through your theology, and not your theology through your sociology. 

23. I don’t need to comment on everything. 

24. Be louder on the gospel than race.

25. Diversity is not the ultimate goal, unity is. 

The Offensive Church | The Big 3

When your seventy-something-year-old mother calls to invite you to facilitate a discussion with her small group centered around a book you’ve written, there’s no way you turn this down. So I obliged, and had a really good time, even with the constant reminders to click “unmute” when one of her near octogenarian friends wanted to speak (I think I’ll pay for that observation when my mother reads this!). When we finally logged off, mother called to thank me for taking the time, and then said, “You know, when it comes to the race conversation in the church there are really only three kinds of people: The ready, reluctant and resistant.” For me, everything stopped. And even though she couldn’t recall where she heard this when I pressed her for her source, I knew she was not only right, but had just gifted me with at least a section in my next book. Thanks mama!

The Ready

In my years of serving the church I have come to see there are many within aspiring multiethnic churches who are ready. In fact, many made the decision to lock arms with this particular church because of its vision to be multiethnic. But don’t assume ready means mature. Sadly, some of the most divisive are those who are ready. The problem is they are so anxious to resolve the issue, they lose sight of the people. Words like pace and patience mean little to them. The challenge in shepherding the ready will be to move them from an activist’s posture to a reconciling one. Those two dispositions are very different.

The Resistant

At the other end of the spectrum are the resistant. No matter how gentle, careful and biblical a pastor may be in laying out the case for ethnic unity, this kind of person will not budge. They won’t sign up for the class on race, or if they catch wind of a sermon series on race they won’t be likely to come. What’s more is they tend to be loud in their objections, seeing any mention of race through the lens of some political or ideological, left wing worldview. Leaders should not be quick to label a person as resistant, though, but should instead exercise pastoral patience and slowly come to this conclusion over time. Once a person proves themselves to be in opposition to this portion of the vision (which emerges from the Scripture), normally what follows is an exit. In some cases, I have seen division, which the Bible says should be addressed.

The Reluctant

The bulk of aspiring multiethnic churches just venturing down the path of ethnic unity will be made up of the reluctant. This is especially true if you are an existing church trying to move in this new direction (as opposed to church plants which have this vision from day one). The reluctant are open but cautious. Like the resistant, they won’t be prone to just buy the book or attend the class on race, but with a gentle, careful, biblical, patient and pastoral posture they can be brought along. Beyond the sermon series or class, what will be significant in the pastoral formation of the reluctant will be to immerse themselves in close proximity to ethnically different people. I am convinced the path to ethnic unity must be entered through the relational door, and not the ideological one. Growth in ethnic unity will not happen when we spar over our positions regarding critical race theory, reparations, affirmative action and the like, but when we lock arms with one another in rich conversation and relationship, much like Jesus did with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4).

For more on these three categories, order my book, The Offensive Church.

The Anamorphic Jesus

On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you. not care that we are perishing?” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?” -Mark 4:35-41

When I was a teenager one of my favorite things to do, like most teenagers, was to go to the mall (remember those?). Now I loved going to the mall because this particular one had an art gallery that specialized in a very particular kind of art called anamorphic art- which is a kind of art where there is an image you immediately see, but then there is another image below the surface of the painting which could only be seen when one looked usually from a different angle with a lot more concentration. Now what would usually happen to me is I would see the first image on the surface quickly, and then I would try to find the second image and after a while I would call one of the workers and tell them I couldn’t find the second image, and they would simply smile and respond how it’s there and demand I look closer.

What we have before us in this story is a beautiful portrait of Jesus, a kind of portrait which could quite be labeled anamorphic art. As Americans who have a very individualized way of seeing things, the immediate image we see of Jesus is clear; but I want to challenge us to look much closer at this portrait Mark gives us, because there’s an even more stunning image of Jesus beneath the surface. So what I want to do is to look at both of the images of Jesus here in our text. We will begin with the immediate and obvious image of Jesus, but this obvious portrait of Jesus, while a great secondary application to this story is not the main reason for the story. The main reason is the Jesus we see beneath the Jesus we see. Let’s dive in.

Historical Context
We are in the section of Scripture known as the gospels, which are really like four authorized biographies on the life of Jesus. This particular biography, or gospel, is the oldest of the four, and it is also the shortest. The gospel of Mark can be read in about an hour. Mark’s gospel is fast paced. While Luke reads like a romantic comedy, and Matthew like a drama, Mark is more like an action movie. What’s really important for us to see is that most scholars believe that Mark is getting his information from the apostle Peter who had a front row seat to the life of Jesus.

The details in our text point this out. Mark is careful to note the time of day- it’s evening. He tells us there are several boats on the sea. In fact, in 1987 they found a boat in the Sea of Galilee from the time of Jesus, and they estimated it could seat about 15 people, which adds veracity to this story since the disciples could be in the same boat with Jesus. Mark goes onto say that Jesus isn’t just sleeping, but he is sleeping on a cushion in the stern of the boat. See the detail? Now Mark wasn’t there for this, so the only way these details make sense is if they were the recollections of an eyewitness, which only serves to give veracity to the story! The point is clear: This story isn’t some myth, it actually happened. Which means Jesus did these things. He is real, and that completely changes everything for us!

The great American novelist, Flannery O’Conner wrote a book of short stories called, A Good Man is Hard to Find. In one of these selections she tells the story of someone she calls “Misfit,” who says when it comes to Jesus we have one of two options. One is to say Jesus didn’t exist, and if that’s the case then there is no reason to try to do good because none of that will ever matter. Just live life on your terms, which changes everything for us, right? But on the other hand, the Misfit says, if Jesus did actually exist that changes everything for us in the opposite direction. We better give up life as we know it and go all out and follow him, the Misfit says. What we don’t have the option to do here is to take Jesus as some nice person who offers nice advice that we can either take or leave.

This was exactly C.S. Lewis’ point in one of his most oft quoted passages: 

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic- on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to”- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity.

I hate to back you in a corner if you are undecided about Jesus, or have taken this middle view of him being a great moral teacher, but that is not an option.

Jesus on the Surface

Now if you have been around church for a while you probably either heard this particular story taught, or another one like it in one of the other gospels on Jesus. And the basic teaching goes like this: A great storm arises, the disciples are in a panic, Jesus is sleeping, they wake him up and he calms the storm. In the same way, we all go through storms and Jesus can calm the storms in your life. This is the immediate image we see, and so let’s deal with this first before we get to the image beneath this image.

Storms are Unpredictable
The events of our text take place on the Sea of Galilee which sits about 700 feet below sea level, and off to the north about 30 miles away is the great Mount Hermon which is about 9200 feet above sea level. Now what all of this means is that the Sea of Galilee sits in a bowl where the cool air from the mountains would collide with the warm air of the sea and create this very turbulent environment where storms would come out of nowhere. We get a hint of this in our text where Mark notes in verse 37 that “a great windstorm arose”. This points to the sudden and unpredictable nature of storms, which was what the Sea of Galilee was known for.

In academic speak, the Sea of Galilee is like a pop quiz. Tests are predictable, right? They are on the syllabus. We know about mid-terms and finals. But boy do I hate pop quizzes. They come out of nowhere. And that’s the nature of storms- they are unpredictable. We get that don’t we, living in the midst of a pandemic. I mean we literally go from being able to do whatever we want one day, to being quarantined, forced to wear masks and have to cancel plans. This period has been filled with a lot of pain for many of us. Many of you have experienced the loss of loved ones. Some of you have contracted COVID, and you know the struggles physically, mentally and emotionally. Your marriages have been through the ringer. There’s been racial trauma and great division. This has been a long storm that like the Sea of Galilee, seemingly came out of nowhere. Storms are indeed unpredictable.

Storms can be Amoral
But storms can be amoral. What I mean by this is that just because you are in a storm doesn’t mean you have done something wrong. Please notice, these disciples are exactly where Jesus wants them. He told them to get in the boat and go to the other side. What’s more is Jesus is with them! This storm was not a result of God correcting them due to some disobedience. Some of us remember a bible character named Job who went through like the worst storm ever. God described Job to Satan as being perfect and upright. In other words, his storm was not his fault.

But isn’t that what keeps so many people from following Jesus? In academic circles we call this theodicy, which has to do with the question of how can God let good people go through such horrible storms? Elie Wiesel wrestled with this, didn’t he? In his book, Night, he talks about standing in the Nazi death camp and seeing all of the suffering. He says it was that night which “murdered my God.” I can’t tell you how many AA’s who I would have said were strong followers of Jesus Christ, are now deconstructing their faith because of the racial storms.

Storms are Revealing
And that leads me to a final thing this story shows us about storms- and that is storms are revealing. Look at verses 37-38. In essence they are saying to Jesus, “We are dying and you don’t care.” These men are thrown into a deep panic and anxiety. They are undone. And at the end of the story what does Jesus say to them? He critiques their lack of faith. The storm revealed they really didn’t have much faith. They weren’t as strong as they thought. If you really want to know where you and Jesus stand, that can’t be discerned on sunny days- only stormy one’s.

I have a friend of mine- we grew up together in Atlanta. Strong Christian, or so I thought. He was an amazing Bible teacher. Well, he came to live with me in Los Angeles some years ago, and really tried to get into the music industry. He got really close, even signed a deal, but his stuff never got released. He was so disappointed. He then goes onto marry a woman, and they end up divorced. What a storm. One of the last times I was with him, he let me know he is not a Christian- that God could not be real in allowing him to go through all of this heart break. Now what did this reveal? It revealed his faith was never in God. His faith was in music. His faith was in love. His faith was in another person. And when God didn’t facilitate those dreams he gave up on God and moved onto another administrative assistant who could help to facilitate his true desires. And this brings me to the question of you? Is God who you worship, or is he just your assistant to help facilitate your true desires?

Jesus Beneath the Surface

Okay, so we see Jesus getting up and calm the storms, and the panic and worry subsides along with the wind and the waves. But this is just a surface way of looking at Jesus. If all Jesus is to you is someone who exists to calm your storms, then this places you at the center and Jesus as your assistant. And this is why we must understand there is so much more to Jesus, that there’s another picture of Jesus, far more stunning and beautiful beneath the surface.

In the early 1900’s, fingerprinting was used as a way to identify criminals. We know how this works. We all have a unique set of ridges and patterns on our hands that no two are alike. Because of this fingerprints are very key in determining a persons identity. The gospels give us the fingerprints of Jesus. Now this is really important, because in every story we must ask a basic question- what does this story teach me, not ultimately about me, but about who Jesus is? And over and over again, Jesus and the gospels show us that his fingerprints, his identity, is not just some good teacher, but he is God.

Jesus himself said in John 10 that he and the Father are one. What a statement of his deity or God-ness. Two chapters earlier in John 8, Jesus said of himself that before, “Abraham was, I Am.” This was such a profound claim to his deity that the Jews picked up stones to kill him. Ever wonder why the religious leaders got upset when Jesus forgave people of their sins? Because they knew only God could do that, and therefore Jesus was staking his claim to deity. Or take the Sermon on the Mount, where he constantly cites the law and then goes, “But I say to you.” What he is doing here is saying that his words are as authoritative if not more than the law of God.

And we see the deity of Jesus at play in our story. Now to get this, I need you to look really hard at this story, not as a 21st century American, but as one of the ancients. The ancients saw the sea as the most unpredictable, most untamed element in the universe. There was an 11th century Danish king who was concerned that his followers were making a god out of him. He finally asked them, “Am I divine?” Before they could respond he walks to the sea and says to the sea, “Stop,” and of course nothing could happen. His point was that only God could stop the sea. Or take 2 Maccabees 9, which covers the period between the OT/NT. Here we see King Antiochus Epiphanes, a Syrian dictator known to be an evil man, invaded Israel and declared he had the power to calm the sea. All of the Jewish rabbis and prophets accused him of Blasphemy. Only God could do that, they reasoned.

So now we see the stunning image underneath the surface coming into view. The ancients would read this story and would see far more than a Jesus wanting to calm the storms of our lives. They would see this as a profound statement of the deity and authority of Jesus Christ- which has been Mark’s whole point all along. Read this section and you will see Jesus exercising divine authority over the sea, demons and disease. This is why the disciples respond the way they do in our text. They are filled with great fear and wonder because they understand only God could do this. Jesus is far more than just a teacher- he has all authority. 

Authority
Okay, Bryan. Thanks for the lesson, but what in the world does Jesus being God have to do with me and the depression I’m battling? What does this have to do with me and the intense loneliness I’m feeling as the reality of being in the bay is settling in? And what does Jesus being God have to do with me and the uncertainty of my marriage or finances? Everything! Because if Jesus is God that means he has authority over my life!

When we say a person has authority we are saying that they have the final say over everything under their rule or domain. In sports the one with authority isn’t the big buffed athlete, but it’s the referee or umpire. In the classroom it’s the teacher who with a stroke of her pen can change the trajectory of your grades. In the corporate world it’s the board of directors who can decide the fate of the company. In San Francisco, the one with authority is the Los Angeles Dodgers who ended your season (just kidding). And in the home it’s the parents. You know what’s interesting in our story? When Jesus says to the storm, “Peace be still,” in the Greek that could be interpreted, be quiet and don’t say another word. Ever said that to your kids, parents? Jesus is talking to the storm like it’s a child because he has the final authority! What this means, and I need you to hear this, is that your situation or circumstance does not have the final say, Jesus does! He has the final say over your finances. He has the final say over your marriage. He has the final say over your children. He has the final say over your career. He has the final say over your health!

 As we close, how are we to respond to this wonderful truth that Jesus has the final say? If Jesus has the final say then that means that no matter what I am going through my response must be one of faith. Remember he rebukes them for their lack of faith. Why do they have a lack of faith? Well, because they refer to him as Teacher, and not God or LORD. Never forget the depth of your knowledge of Jesus determines the depth of your faith. If all Jesus is, is a good luck charm or an assistant you will never walk in faith.

I have a friend of mine who decided to take his wife on a cruise, and not long into the cruise they encountered a pretty rough storm. The boat was rocking and people were really getting sick. Most concerning to my friends wife was the lack of communication she was getting from the deck. So she took it upon herself to call and demanded to speak to the captain. The woman at the other end of the line told my friends wife that the captain was busy navigating the ship through the storm but she would gladly take her questions. My friends wife gave in and started hitting her with questions as the lady waited patiently. Finally they hung up and a few minutes later the woman called my friends wife back. She said the captain wants you to know a few things. Number one, go to sleep. He will be up all night navigating us, and because he knows what he is doing and you do not, no sense in both of you being up. Secondly, you can rest easy because this ship was built with this storm in mind. The architects designed the ship and the builders built the ship with the reality of the storm in mind. We will make it. When they got off the phone, my friends wife went to sleep in complete faith, because she hand heard from the authority. And that’s how we must respond to the authority of Jesus- in faith.

Gospel Conclusion
But there’s one final thing. If you were a Jew hearing or reading this story I promise you, your mind went to the story of Jonah. Too many similarities here. Both Jonah and Jesus are in a boat. Both in a storm. Both are asleep. Both have to be awakened by sailors. Both see the intervention of God. But Jonah says to the sailors, throw me into the storm and there will be peace. Jesus in Matthew 12 says that he is the true and better Jonah. Jesus would be thrown into the greatest storm on the cross, and it’s called death. But he would defeat death, which means if we are in Christ, we need not fear life’s greatest storm, because it’s already been defeated. Jesus invites you to follow Him.

The final question to you, is what will you do with this Jesus and his claim to be God? One more time, C.S. Lewis, for the people in the back: 

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic- on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to”- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity.

The Five Stages of a Man’s Life

Somewhere around 2003, I heard a talk which was a real paradigm shifter for how I think about manhood. It could not have come at a better time in my life, as I was less than half a decade into marriage, and both a new father and church planter. Outside of the gospel of Jesus Christ, no single message has born greater fruit in my life than this one. And while the message can be applied to women as well, I’ll just give it to you the way I got it.

Here are the five stages:

Boyhood (Birth to somewhere around 11 or 12):

This is the only stage in a man’s life which has a clearly defined age range. Boyhood is marked by such things as innocence, imagination and adventure. Boyhood is also the stage where you are naturally being a consumer more than anything else. Someone is responsible for your care. Others feed you, shelter you, clothe you and the like. Very little is required of you by way of responsibility.

Adolescence:

This stage of manhood can simply be defined as wanting the privileges of adulthood without the responsibility. Adolescence is not so much an age range as it is a mindset. Because of this, some sociologists have suggested we are in an age of extended adolescence, which goes out to mid-thirties. The sure fire recipe for extended adolescence is coddling mothers and passive fathers. Some have even suggested adolescence is especially rampant in middle to upper-middle class homes. The clearest example of adolescent behavior are “men” who choose to cohabitate, where they can get the privileges of a committed relationship without the responsibilities (of course that’s not the driving reason for every instance).

Adulthood:

This stage can simply be defined as embracing responsibility. It’s at this point we can call this person not just a male, but a man. They don’t make excuses. Instead, they take responsibility. A man has emerged from adolescence when they take ownership for their lives, and others they have chosen to commit to (spouse, kids, etc). They do hard things like get a job, keep a job, pay bills and contribute to the well-being of others. Unlike boyhood, they are not marked by a consumers mindset, but a contributors mindset. They bring life to others.

Mentor:

Develop a track record of embracing responsibility faithfully, and other people will take notice, asking you to mentor them. Mentor, has its origins in Greek mythology where Odysseus was headed off to war and wanted someone to care for his son Telemachus. That duty was assigned to an older, wiser, responsible man named Mentor. Adolescents care about the now. Mentors care about the future. Adolescents can’t get past themselves. Mentors are focused on others. Mentors want to multiply themselves for the good of others and society. Show me a person who is too busy to have consistent cups of coffee and meals with younger men, and I will show you a person who has stagnated, if not regressed in their manhood journey.

 Patriarchs:

The final stage of a man’s life is that of patriarch. One does not become a patriarch because they have aged into it. Oh no. Society does not need more old people. We need patriarchs. A patriarch is a person who has leveraged the odometer of their life, to invest down in succeeding generations for a time they will not see. If you are 60+ you should be holding court at the local diner, with a long line of young men wanting to glean from your life.

The key:

Life is all about seasons (Ecclesiastes 3). The man who is aware of the season they are in is best positioned to make the most of it for the benefit of themselves and others. Men need awareness, intentionality and other men to make the most of this process. Every great man I have met has had another great man inspire them in their journey of manhood. That great man who inspired you was aware of their season and intentionally leveraged it for your benefit. Let’s pay it forward.