Next level communicators understand how they live matters.
Next level communicators understand how they live matters.
The Apostle Paul gave some strong words of advice to a young man whose job entailed a lot of speaking: “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers” (I Timothy 4:16).
Do you see the straight line Paul draws from how we live to our role as communicators? I don’t think the order is random, either. His instruction to this young budding communicator doesn’t begin with his speaking, but with his living. How we live matters.
Athletes are known to tell each other their best ability is their availability. This means taking care of their bodies- watching what they eat, working out and stretching- along with how they handle themselves in their personal lives. One bad choice and they are off the field of play for a while. In their own way they are saying to each other, “Keep a close watch on yourself.”
Paul’s wise counsel means we need to guard our personal lives. I don’t need to inundate you with examples of world class speakers who were benched all because they got sloppy with their character, and now their availability is limited while the world is deprived of their gift. They have great ability, but their availability is no more.
I am certainly not above joining my former colleagues on the sidelines. None of us are beyond the possibility of compromise and failure. But over the years I’ve tried to take Paul’s words to heart and I have found the following to be a great help in my journey to keep a close watch on myself:
Get some pall bearers. I have a close circle of friends who I call my pall bearers. These are men I leave nothing hidden with. They have permission to ask me invasive questions and nothing is off the table. Joby Martin, one of the best communicators of our generation, calls his circle of friends “mat carriers” (A reference from Mark 2). Every communicator I know who has been put on the bench because of some moral implosion lived an isolated life. What got them wasn’t the affair, abuse of power or poor money management. What got them was isolation. The number one way to guarantee a long flourishing career as a communicator is to live in thick community with others.
Take care of your emotional health. Moses is one of the most effective communicators in world history, but he was put on the bench because he disobeyed God by striking the rock when God told him to speak to the rock. What triggered his anger were complaining people. I actually think this is an emotional health episode, and it’s completely understandable. Nothing deflates a leader more than people who nit pick at everything. You’ve gotten your share of critical emails, and you will continue to, so you better take care of your emotional health. One of the best ways to do that is find what brings you joy and put it on repeat. For some it’s sitting in a deer stand for hours as they wait for that buck. For others it's gardening. For me it’s golf. Get a hobby and don’t apologize for it.
Be mindful of screens. Relax, this is not going to be some rant on the “evils” of television or social media. But…I do want you to remember there are many steps between sitting at home with your spouse and in the bed of another person, and if we are not careful, screens can become a gateway drug that begins the process. When I’m on the road speaking, unless it’s some sport event, I keep the television in my hotel room off, and a great book open.
Go to war with boredom. King David was another world class communicator who had a well documented moral failure. What got him wasn’t the woman he saw bathing, but boredom. Second Samuel 11:1 says, “In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle…David remained at Jerusalem”. And a few verses later David abuses his power by taking another man’s wife. What started it all was boredom. I do quite a bit of travel, and one of my rules is when I am on the road I don’t have much downtime. If I have margin, I’m answering emails, making phone calls, or having a meal with a friend or colleague in that city. And I for sure never, ever, sit at bars- even if I’m just eating a sandwich and drinking a Ginger Ale, watching a game. I’m not saying no one should, I just don’t. Go to war with boredom. Have a plan and fill your time well.
What I’m reading:
Only God Can Judge Me: The many lives of Tupac Shakur, Jeff Pearlman.
