Next level communicators rehearse gratitude.
Next level communicators rehearse gratitude.
Nothing is more odious than an entitled speaker. Over the years I’ve come across more speakers who are full of themselves than I care to count. One reached out to me to ask if they could come and speak at the church I was leading at the time. Those talks ended when I found out they required a travel allowance of fifteen hundred dollars an hour. I once sat in a wine cellar to hear a communicator whose books I devoured. He spoke to us as if we were children who should be pleased to be in the presence of such greatness. And I remember how sad I felt when I missed one of the most accomplished leaders in the world at a conference we were both speaking at. When I asked my wife how his session went, she said, “Terrible. He talked about himself, his books and the amount of money he made off one of them.”
Most of you on this list have probably never been invited to speak in some fancy wine cellar in Napa, or have written best sellers which earned you millions, but we don’t need these things to be entitled. Like an oak tree which begins with an acorn, the seeds of entitlement can be seen in little things like showing up late, going over the allotted time and fudging on the truth to make yourself look good. What we as communicators tend to forget is our audience can smell the slightest whiffs of arrogance, and the stench will spoil the message- the very critical message- we need to convey.
One of the most critical habits we communicators need to rehearse is the habit of gratitude. Cornelius Plantinga, in his book, Gratitude, says, “A sense of entitlement blocks gratitude…think about it. If I am so special that life owes me its good things, what is there to be grateful about? If life owes me, nothing is a gift” (page 40). And why should we be grateful? Writing to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul reminded them, “For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it” (I Corinthians 4:7). Why should communicators practice gratitude? Because our gift of speaking was given to us by God.
But there’s another reason we should rehearse gratitude: It connects us to our audience. Remember communicating is connecting. If entitlement and arrogance pushes people away, then the opposite must be true: Gratitude and humility draws us closer to one another. One of my favorite communicators is also one of the most grateful people I know. When I asked him the source of his gratitude and humility he said, “Because when I was given this position, my predecessor told me I was not his first choice. I never forgot that.”
Here are some ways I rehearse gratitude as a speaker:
Say, “thank you”. Whenever I stand to speak as a guest, I always begin by thanking the host who extended the invitation. I try to name something specific about them I am grateful for.
Write, “thank you”. My father is a world class communicator. After he speaks somewhere, he comes home and mails a handwritten thank you note to the people who invited him. He’s been doing this for almost sixty years.
Stick to their theme. In my early days I violated this. My desire to be great would often conflict with the events theme. See, I wanted to speak on my best stuff, and oftentimes there wasn’t an alignment between my best and what they were asking me to do. So, I would go with what I was most comfortable with, which was disrespectful to my host. If you agree to the invitation, do what you are asked to do.
Stay within the time. One of the most honoring things we can do as communicators is to respect the time given to us to speak. Entitled speakers do what they want and violate this. Don’t do that. Rehearsing gratitude is respecting time.
Ask for feedback. A lot of the events I’m asked to speak are churches with multiple services. I make it a habit after the first service to say to the host, “Is there anything you would like me to change?” This shows a servant's posture and a grateful spirit.
Don’t charge. I’m going to write a whole post on this one. I don’t charge but only if I’m really pressed by the host will I give a “recommended fee”. Money is a powerful force which can lead us down roads of entitlement. Be very careful here. Again, a whole post is coming.
What I’m reading:
George Washington: A Life, Ron Chernow.
With black history month around the corner, don’t forget to check out my book, Grace to Overcome.
