The Emotionally Healthy Leader:Seven Reflections

This week,I finished Pete Scazzero’s TheEmotionally Healthy Leader, and it couldn’t come at a better time for me. Asmany of you know, I recently took over as Lead Pastor for Abundant Life inSilicon Valley, California. After some prayerful consideration, Korie and I,along with our elders, thought it would be good for me to begin my role inMarch, which meant a season of commuting back and forth from New York, untilour kids finish school. As you can imagine, the pace of our life has picked uptremendously, and trying to find some semblance of emotional health is a matterof life and death for me and our family. Pete’sbook ministered deeply to my soul and, as I devoured its pages, I found myselfreflecting on seven guiding principles—that I either need to return to orbegin—if I am going to lead from more than just competence, but a deep innerwell:

1. “To thyown self be true.” No I’mnot talking here of a radical individualism that places ourselves in the centerof the universe and leaves God out at the periphery.  Instead, I need to be comfortable in how Godhas uniquely wired me. Words and phrases—like introverted, morning person,reader, loves to study, reflective—come to mind here. I get my energy being alone. If I go through periods thatare all people with no significant times for solitude, my soul shrivels. In themidst of this busy season, I’ve got to find times to pull away. What about you?How are you wired? What gives you energy?

2. Margin. Reading Pete’s book, I found myself at timesreflecting back on Dr. Richard Swenson’s gem, Margin, where he defines margin as the space between our load andour limits. If we don’t have these gaps, we won’t know what Pete describes asemotional health. To paraphrase, Pete, in one of his passages, either wevoluntarily find margin, or margin will forcibly find us.

3. Sabbathdelight. Here, I’m not paraphrasingPete, but I’m using his exact verbiage. While I’ve attempted periods of Sabbathin the past, I felt both challenged and inspired to make Sabbath delight aregular part of my weekly rhythm. To point two, this will create that regularmargin in my life. Six p.m. Friday to six p.m. Saturday has been good for me. I’vereally enjoyed shutting it down. No social media, emails or work. Just rest,enjoyment and focusing on God.  I canfeel something going on within as I emerge from Sabbath, something I can’t yetput into words, but it’s marvelous.

4. Heartcheck. Pete talks a lot about theimportance of processing your feelings in real time. This concept was foreignto me until I read Chip Dodd’s Voices ofthe Heart some years ago, where he talks in detail about being in tune withour feelings, something many men struggle with. For several years, I was in amen’s group where we used Dodd’s model to think through our feelings and toarticulate them. The residual of this left me with an ongoing conversation I constantlyhave with myself as things happen to me in real time. Now, I “feel” as if I’mno longer just leading from competence, but am able to connect my head with myheart, which enables me to connect better with others.

5. Youcan’t give what you don’t have. Muchof my preaching and teaching and leading in my younger days was me merelyparroting what some expert, or well known deceased preacher said. I spoke inplagiarized one-sentence zingers, and came across as if I was deep, but it wasa façade. If I could go back and have some sushi with my twenty-something-self,I would make a heartfelt plea to cultivate an inner life that dives deeply withGod, pouring over the Scriptures and lingering through prayer in His presence. Thisis where real power comes, not by dragging off of someone else’s walk with God.

6. Keepturning back to the “History Channel.” Petetalks a lot about being aware of how your family of origin has impacted you. Weare all born and raised into a context, with each family marking us for goodand for bad. And so it is with me, and while I won’t divulge any details here,I was reminded of some things that have impacted me negatively that I must workthrough.

7. Lead outof your marriage. Thereal test of my emotional health is not in the church, but in the home. I’vealways felt the moment my wife could no longer sit on the front row and listento me preach was the day I needed to quit the ministry.  But what’s more is that Pete talks aboutemotional health, not just for the husband engaged in vocational ministry, buthis wife as well. Church impacts both Korie and me. In one of those recent “whatif,” conversations, I asked Korie if she would marry another pastor if I died?I won’t tell you her answer, but I will say that lead into a very insightfulconversation on the pressures of ministry and church on the spouse. Pete’sjourney with his bride, Geri, into emotional health, revealed to me that I needto venture down this road with Korie.

I highlycommend The Emotionally Healthy Leaderto you. It’s one of those rare books that speak to your soul. Whatever yourseason of life, no matter how busy or relaxed you may be, it’s well worth yourtime.  

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