A Vintage Kindness
Not long into David’s tenure asking, he asked an interesting question, “Is there still anyone left of thehouse of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” (II Samuel9:1). David’s question had to haveshocked his cabinet, especially when the universal custom of the day was forthe new king to immediately exterminate the remaining members of hispredecessor’s family. But after somethinking, Saul’s grandson, Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, ismentioned. “Go get him,” David says inso many words. He was anxious to showhim kindness.
Kindness has often beenconfused with niceness, and this is unfortunate. Dr. Barry Corey, president of BiolaUniversity, argues well in his forthcoming book that kindness and niceness mustnever be confused. Niceness has a gooey, conviction-less core, with spongyedges. At the other extreme of nicenessis acidic aggression, or meanness, with its hard core and abrasive edges. Then there’s kindness. Kindness, Dr. Corey says, has a firm core,filled with courage and conviction, yet surrounded by soft edges. I like this.One of the words translated as kindness in the Bible, was used of winethat mellowed with age to the point where its acidic bite had dissipated, andwhat you were left with was a smooth cabernet.That’s the picture God wants us to have of kindness- a firm core thatdoesn’t shy from the truth, with soft edges.
There’s another differencebetween kindness and niceness, though.Often times people are nice for transactional purposes. You know, a kind of quid pro quo ethic. I do something nice for you in the hopesyou’ll return the favor. Servers in thefood industry are confronted with this every working day. Be nice and get a nice tip. Be really nice, and get an even bettertip. I’m not placing any moral value onthis, I’m just holding up a warning sign.The moment our niceness crosses over into a sort of utilitarianism wherepeople become objects for our advancement, we are a step or two frommeanness. So what happens when theserver or barista doesn’t perform to my liking?I can tell you first hand what happens.
Several years ago I sat down tobreakfast with my son at a local diner.When the server first came to our table I knew something was wrong. She had anything but soft edges. This woman had “don’t mess with me,” writtenall over her face. Words like, rude, short and abrasive cameto mind. As if this wasn’t enough, shemessed up our order, and offered a meager, disingenuous apology. I was heated.Didn’t she know she existed to make my day better? So I left the gratuity section of the billblank, yanked my son out of the diner and headed off. Then the Holy Spirit began speaking to me,showing me how my utilitarian outlook on her had set the stage for meresponding to her meanness with an extra helping. I made a pit stop at the bank, pulled outsome cash, then headed back to the diner.When I finally got to speak to her, in vintage cabernet tones I told herthat while I felt she could have done better, my response was unkind. I asked her for forgiveness then gave her themoney. Then she surprised me. A tear trickled down her once hardenedface. For the next several moments sheunloaded, telling me about the divorce she’s going through, the tough financialtimes and the difficulty she’s having with one of her kids. Sure, while kindness had broken her, I foundher response to my kindness elevating my vision of her. She was no longer a nameless server whoexisted for my convenience, but a real person with a story. I guess kindness got to both of us.
David’s motivation to showkindness to what would ultimately be Mephibosheth, had nothing to do withMephibosheth. Look at verse one again,“…for Jonathan’s sake”. David’s kindness to Mephibosheth had nothing to do withhis ability to perform, or a hope David would get it back some day, no, that’sa utilitarian, quid pro quo niceness.There was a higher moral vision at play.David had entered into covenant with Jonathan, Mephibosheth’s father,and it was that covenant, not Mephibosheth’s performance, that stimulatedDavid’s kindness. In fact, Mephiboshethhad no ability to ever return it back to David.Several times the text mentions he was crippled, literally unable toperform.
I hope you see what’s going onhere. In case you missed it, we are allMephibosheth, enemies of God from another domain, crippled in our ability tomeet His standard for us. But God-symbolized by David- shows us a performance-free kindness, saving us by hisgrace. Thank God he doesn’t see me witha utilitarian niceness, but with a vintage kindness.
This is a helpful word for meas we embark on the political season, and with all of the racial turmoil in ourcountry. We need a vintage kindness aswe prepare to go into the voting booth, one that has a firm core, with smoothedges. As we process Sandra Bland, andany other future instances of what appears like police brutality, I’m remindedas a minority to be kind, to stand up for justice, but to do so with open arms,willing to embrace the other. And livingin the digital age, we don’t need another instance of what one New York Timeswriter calls, “outrage porn,” where we go bazerk on someone’s Facebook page,Twitter account, or in the comments section of a blog. Let’s be kind, not nice. If we Christians have any hopes of restoringour influence and unmuting our voice in the public square, it can only happenwhen we take on a vintage kindness.
